L.I.E. Long Island Expressway (L.I.E.)

L.I.E. Long Island Expressway

You got the lanes going east. You got the lanes going west.

You also got the lanes going straight to hell.

Hills Woman Dies In Fiery Crash on L.I.E.

A lot of people have died on it.

Harry Chapin. Al Pakula, the movie director.

You probably heard of them.

I bet you never heard Silvia Blitzer, my mom.

She died on a crash at exit 52.

I really miss her.

It's taking a lot of people and I hope it doesn't get me.

I lost 5 pounds.

Can you tell?

No.

You weren't using any protection.

So what? I'm not fucking anyone else. I'm not gonna catch anything.

He means that she can get pregnant, dickhead.

I think she's a little young for that, guys.

Did she bleed, man? Did she get her periods?

She started last year, I think.

You better start using a rubber, cause a baby could be a little hard to explain to your parents.

Especially a two-headed baby.

Hey, fuck off! Something wrong with my family?

If a brother and sister make a baby, a lot of times it can have two heads.

He's right, and everybody knows it.

It's in the books.

Look, ask Blitzer, he's a brain. - You don't know shit.

What I'm supposed to think about a brother making a baby?

Two-headed baby.

He fucks his sister.

I don't believe it.

20 bucks. See for yourself.

I don't mean I don't believe it...

Shit...

I do believe that you fucked your sister. I just think...

I think he's trying to say that it not politically correct to fuck your sister.

You know, I am not involved.

Such a stupid joke, Blitzer.

I wish I had a sister!

Why you give it to him for?

It's got to be a part for these things, he's to make a contribution.

It's jewelry now.

Jewelry.

Good enough to get him angry. - Oh yeah.

I feel when he gets angry, you could squash his brain.

You know what, Cole? If he would go to college for 4 years...

He has study really hard, just to be fucking idiot.

Squash him like a fucking brain.

"With an update on the fire in Freeport."

"Michelle, are you there?"

"Michelle?" "Yes, I am, Mike."

"The hard funded low-income housing project in Freeport..."

"has become the source of a federal investigation."

"The March 14 fire, causing damage to 3 floors, killing 2 fire fighters.."

"was apparently caused by faulting wiring."

"Fire marshals investigating, discovered that illegal aluminum wiring..."

"may have been substituted in an effort to save on construction costs."

"The FBI said today that indictments are expected."

What? "Back to you, Mike."

"Thanks, Michelle."

Who's there?

Gary.

You got to see this.

Man, he was bending like crazy.

Look at those in the ass.

I'd fuck her.

I'd fuck anything.

You'd fuck her?

Nay, your daddy will probably find out.

What about you, Jack?

I don't have a father, maybe an asshole.

Tell me a secret.

Something that nobody else knows.

You tell me one. - You first.

All right, seriously, no fucking around? - Seriously, no fucking around.

All right, never really been with a girl.

That's your secret? - What? I never told anyone before.

Jesus.

Nothing you have to worry about.

New good skin, Great eyes, as blue eyes.

With highlights in her hair

Highlights?

You know, different shades in her hair.

You have cool hair.

People go nuts on that shit.

Seriously?

I know his house.

It is loaded.

I mean, loaded.

The only problem is...

I need someone's help.

You know you can get me, man.

Good friend.

Sounds cool.

Thanks.

Gary, this is fucking nuts. Many people up there.

I am so scared! Pussy!

Gary.

You baked me a cake, mom. - Scott baked it.

You baked me a fucking cake. Sorry mom.

Its a carrot cake.

So good.

How many carrots did you put in this?

I used like 40 carrots.

Who do you think I am? Bugs Bunny?

What the fuck is this?

Thanks mom, what a great birthday.

For god's sake, Scott, smile!

Let's do it again... H.. A.. I... I...

Fuck you!

He almost got me, man! He ripped my fucking pants!

Everything is cool.

You better tell what's going on and what you knew about these things.

Come on, chill down!

He's chewing on the Washington guys.

Why are you doing this to me now?

Don't you know about my wife?

Now you're completely clean. This has nothing to do with you.

I can't talk right now.

I'm telling you: Please, just give him an extra day.

I'll call you later, ok?

You know you got good skin. Great eyes.

Tell me a secret. I know this house...

Never really been with a girl before...

Nobody else knows...

I don't think you have anything to worry about. You're a good friend.

He has good skin. People go nuts over that shit.

What are you looking at?

Play hooky yesterday?

What? Hockey?

Don't be a wise guy. The school called that you missed some of your classes.

Could I come to the office today?

Don't be a wise guy.

Get your ass out of bed.

You just better be on that bus this morning.

And... Your friend Gary is waiting in the kitchen.

Gary is here?

Yeah, I don't like him. He smiles too much.

You've got nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm not ashamed of anything.

I'm not saying that you were. I'm just saying that...

sometimes skinny guys are shy about their bodies.

Well, I'm not ashamed.

My body is ok for my size.

I'm OK, you know?

You know what I just said? Don't get a complex.

Man, your crib is looking good.

Got your own fridge, fucking computer, a huge TV.

Outstanding.

Yeah, I think these are Russian guns.

Somebody might see us here.

This is my ticket to Cali... fucking... fornia.

California?

What?

It's just you didn't say anything.

I don't want anyone to know, dude.

Your parents don't know?

No. I don't care what they say.

I'm splitting.

Why don't you come with me?

You could read your poetry in coffee houses. Shit, man, this is great.

You get paid.

I don't know man. I knew we're working in someone's fucking car wash.

What's wrong with that?

When we'll have fun.

Come with me.

Be a man.

You're really serious?

Fuck yeah. What is keeping you here?

Nothing.

I think I might be going with you, man.

All right!

Turn on the water in the bathroom...

water comes off right my hand.

This is excellent pastrami.

Anyway, splash water at the fucking place.

I called a plumber cause I can't turn it off. Shit. I mean, it's everywhere.

So the plumber gets there, shuts off the valve.

Replaces the faucet. Hands me the bill.

Damn! 400 dollars.

Elliot, 400 dollars.

You work, what, a half hour, tops.

Plumber says so? I say so.

Its like 800 dollars an hour.

I have a lawyer. That's more money than I make.

He says, that's more money than I made when I was a lawyer too.

Elliot. - What?

You're not listening to me.

I'm listening. I'm trying to take your mind off.

I can't do this legal shit right now.

Relax.

You're not one of them.

I didn't cause that fire.

I didn't fucking do anything, compared.

You got 100 guys working for you, 20 subcontractors.

There's no way that they could make a case on you.

Half of them don't even work for you anymore.

That is a lovely name.

What do you call the other one?

Jesus Christ.