Permanent Midnight

You know what's mortifying?

Smack is like the leisure suit of the '90s.

Instead of wrecking dad's Buick on prom night,

these little suburban fucks are copping habits and ODing in the rec room.

And you're different because?

I never got to the prom.

Traded my cummerbund for two bags and a rig.

Do you even know why you did the shit that you did?

Did you ever read that interview with William Burroughs...

Where they asked him why he shot heroin?

He said, "So I could get up in the morning and shave."

So it was like a grooming thing.

Are you kidding? I hated to shave.

You look so moronic in your little fast-food outfit.

Yeah, well, believe it or not,

serving America's frozen fish needs is not my primary calling.

Oh, I'm sorry. College boy. Bro?

Where'd you go?

How can I help you?

Uh, let's see.

Give me a fish sandwich, with extra sauce.

You got that, uh-- that good sauce?

Tartar?

Yeah. Yeah. Gob it on there.

Oh, yeah? So what's your M.O.? Huh?

Picking up easy burger boys at the drive-thru?

Gettin' 'em bounced out of rehab? Uh-huh.

Hey, you guys still open? Hey!

You guys still open? You're going the wrong way.

Sorry. Do you have some matches? I just need some matches.

Matches? Yeah.

Yeah, sure. We keep 'em with the kiddie meals. I'll get 'em.

Hey, you're one of those rehab patients, aren't you?

What is it? Whimpering Wounds or something?

Jesus.

Whispering Winds.

Hey, it's obvious.

You're too darned sad-looking just to be another retard in a pink visor.

It's red.

Oh.

Do you wanna go have a cup of coffee?

Do you want me to have a cup of coffee with you right now?

Yeah.

Shit! Shit! Wait!

All right.

Oh, I wish I was high.

Shit!

Ahh! Sorry.

It's okay.

I've never done this straight before.

Trust me. On smack, I was a real stud.

The first time anybody touched me after I got clean,

I thought, Jesus, that's why I needed drugs.

That was seven years ago.

Yeah, well, I got 92 days. But who's counting, right?

So what, did I get you in trouble? It's no big thing.

Besides, my three-month stretch of rehabilitative fry cook therapy was up tomorrow anyway.

I just missed the mugging.

The what? You get a mug when you finish your stint.

Right. I forgot that part.

Anyway, I gotta get back to L.A.

Oh, goddamn, you're from L.A.?

I'm not, but I moved out there to pursue my art.

...who says, "I want you to meet Bessie."

That's where they kept Mr. Chompers.

Mr. Chompers? Like the puppet? Yeah.

What are you, a puppeteer?

Yes, I'm a puppeteer.

I'm a writer. You write that crap?

Wrote. Oh, god.

I get it. You're like this-- this angsty, arty Hemingway type...

Who, like, sold out to Hollywood, hit the needle and ended up in rehab.

You TV geeks don't do anything original, do you?

Actually, the...

TV geek part is just a little side effect.

I was getting a little too fucked up in New York...

So I thought...

I'll, uh, move out to California and get away from drugs.

So you went to L.A. to get away from drugs. That's pretty good.

I miscalculated.

Hey, it's an honest mistake.

Hey, I'm all about honesty.

So you, uh-- you came out cold,

or did you know somebody?

Why do you want to know all this?

Well, really, there's only two things you can do in a hotel room,

and, um, we already did one of them, more or less.

Yeah, I sure showed you a good time, didn't I?

Yeah. Excellent.

Come on. Tell me.

Well, I had this friend, Nicky,

who was, uh, kind of a drug buddy from high school.

Careful, careful, careful. This is great.

It is great, but this is a big machine, so be careful.

I never had a car before. This is excellent. Really?

Try it out, man. Give it a spin. Try out the brakes.

He was one of those guys who was always scheming up shit that almost happened.

And I was popping so many of his pills it all sounded great.

Well, he gave the script to a guy who he plays golf with...

Who happens to have a lot of money, Mo Levine.

Mo Levine. Mo Levine.

This guy, Mo Levine, read it.

He likes it. He loves it.

He says he might want to put on the play.

Are you fucking kidding me? No, I am not kidding you.

I'm not kidding. And you've been keeping this under your hat?

He really wants to put it on? No, he seriously might.

The play's the thing. This is great, man.

What a day. What a day to be cruisin' around.

I never had a car.

Okay, it's like boy meets chucklehead, and then what?

Boy gets this terrific job...

Writing, uh, alien puppet sitcom?

Well, it wasn't really that simple.

I kinda had to sleep my way to the middle. Really? You and Nicky?

No. Nicky and I drew the line at necking.

Actually, he had this girlfriend...

Who had a girlfriend who needed a green card.

There's about 200 of these Turkish fishermen standing around on the deck.

And because it was a holiday, they were falling over drunk.

And I'm wearing these incredibly high heels...

And hauling this massive cake done up like the American flag.

Sandra, what you're describing sounds like a wonderful scene for Jerry, who's a good writer.

By the time I finished running that gauntlet,

I looked like I'd been cake wrestling.

Vola, is my future husband always like this?

I mean, he can behave normally, right? No, not really.

Especially when Benny's made a house call.

Which he hasn't.

I don't associate with Benny anymore.

You've made that clear, and I understood it. Ask Jerry.

Who's Benny? That's right.

This prepubescent drug dealer. Heidegger?

You a big fan of his? Well, I'm trying to get through it.

It's not exactly light summer reading.

But it's probably good for plot lines and character names, stuff like that. Right?

Have you seen Mr. Chompers?

I don't have a TV.

This is a good give-and-take. She likes to bullshit, you like to bullshit.

This could be a little like--

Can I have-- Yes, you may have the pipe.

It's over here, then it's over here.

And then it's over here--

Oh, Jerry, you don't have to charm me.

- We're only getting married on paper. - Get a load of this.

What is this outfit? This is like Mad Max here. Yeah.

What is this, leather? Actually, it's Jewish leather.

It's designed for humiliation.

So, what do you think? She's okay.

She's okay. She's British. What does that mean?

It means she's British.

She's cool. You're gonna really dig her when you get to know her.

I don't wanna know her, Vola. I'm just getting married to her.

I'm just saying, she's nice.

Yeah, if you go for that studied, nonchalant Brit type of thing.

Suck my dick.

How's it going? Wonderful. Your girlfriend's face is two inches from my ass.

I'm in seventh heaven. Congratulations.

I didn't know you were a fiction writer.

Oh, Nicky, what are you doing?

She had the book, and I said that you were in it.

I'm not embarrassed about that. Jesus!

I'm not gonna back off from that.

He won an award for that. He's a good writer.

Jerry, maybe you should come down and meet Craig.

We're always looking for new writers. Oh, Mr., uh, Munch Man?

Mr. Chompers, actually. Right. Mr. Chompers.

We really do try to push the form, strange as it may sound.

My hustler credentials will just slip me right in the door there.

Are we trying to plan a wedding or what? When do you wanna do this?

- What about now? - Now?

Yeah. Right now?

There's an all-night chapel down on Alvarado.

That's right. There is.

Should we do that?

Jerry, today's a good day to die.

How much did they pay you? What?

To get married.

Three thousand.

That's a lot of money. Mm-hmm.

Did you love her?

Occasionally.

Did she love you?

I think she, uh, saw us as this potential Hollywood power couple in the making,

which is kind of like love.

Mr. Chompers. Please hold.

Feel different being married?

We're gonna have to keep it professional in here, okay?

Oh. Okay. Sorry I'm late.

But I was actually doing the one part of this job that I enjoy.

I was meeting with a group of librarians...

Who want me to develop a Mr. Chompers literacy program.

This fellow tests higher than Barney. I'm amazed.

That's really quite fantastic, Jerry.

It's like Craig's discovered some kind of...

Untapped myth.

Jerry, Sandra showed me some of your fiction and your awards,

and I have to say, powerful stuff.

Almost too powerful.

I'm wondering if your mind can function...