Frank McKlusky, C.I.

Man: THE YEAR WAS 1979.

MY DAD WAS AT THE TOP OF HIS GAME.

HE WAS A THRILL SEEKER, A DAREDEVIL,

A MAN WHO, FOR 11 YEARS, WOULD KEEP THE FAMILY NAME

SYNONYMOUS WITH SOME OF THE GREATEST STUNTS EVER ATTEMPTED.

MY DAD...WAS NOT THAT GUY.

NOPE. WE WERE THE McKLUSKYS.

MY DAD WAS THE GRANDSON OF ALBERT McKLUSKY,

ONE OF THE GREAT PIONEERS OF -- WELL, STUFF LIKE THIS...

AND THIS.

OH, AND HERE'S MY FAVORITE. OOH! BAM!

ALL THIS CULMINATED WITH MY DAD.

HE WAS THE BEST OF THE BUNCH.

YEP, WHEN IT CAME TO PERFORMING AT HALF-EMPTY FLEA MARKETS,

MY FATHER HAD NO PEER.

THERE'S ME, MY MOM, AND MY BABY BROTHER, DARRYL.

AND THAT GUY TEETERING DANGEROUSLY

ON THE ROOF OF THE VAN...

HE ALSO HAPPENED TO BE MY DAD.

Announcer: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PLEASE WELCOME A MAN

THAT EVEL KNIEVEL HIMSELF ONCE CALLED

A GODDAMNED CRAZY BASTARD... MADMAN McKLUSKY!

WHOOOOAA!

HA HA!

HA HA.

THAT WAS A STUNT! DONE TOTALLY ON PURPOSE!

HONEY, WE HAVE TO TALK.

HUH?

LITTLE FRANK IS TOTALLY OBSESSED.

ALL HE DOES IS TALK ABOUT YOU AND YOUR ACCIDENTS.

A-AND LATELY, WHEN I LOOK IN HIS EYES,

I SEE THIS STRANGE --

OOP -- YOU SEE THE McKLUSKY STARE.

ALL McKLUSKYS HAVE IT, SON...

EXCEPT FOR GRANDPA ELMO McKLUSKY --

BLEW HIS EYEBALLS OUT SWALLOWING DYNAMITE AT A CARNIVAL.

MAD, I THINK, UH,

MAYBE WE SHOULD SCRAP THE JUMP.

WHAT?

YOU GIVE ME ONE GOOD GODDAMNED REASON WHY.

THE BOYS AND I -- WE ASSEMBLED THE MOTORCYCLE AT -- AT LUNCHTIME,

AND WE'VE BEEN DRUNK SINCE BREAKFAST.

WE KIND OF RAN OUT OF GASOLINE,

SO WE FILLED THE TANK WITH LIGHTER FLUID.

JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN ODDS.

THERE'S A 99.999% PROBABILITY YOU'RE GONNA EXPLODE.

GIVE OR TAKE A BEER.

LITTLE FRANK, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THERE'S A COUPLE OF REASONS WHY I NEVER LIVE MY LIFE BY THE ODDS.

NUMBER ONE, YOU CAN'T EVER ACHIEVE ANYTHING

UNLESS YOU TAKE A RISK.

AND "B," I AIN'T SO SMART WITH MATH.

Madman: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

Crowd chanting: JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! ARE YOU READY FOR THE MADMAN TO...LAUGH AT SAFETY?

HA HA!

Chanting: JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!

JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!

JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!

Frank: WHEN I SAW MY DAD TAKE OFF THAT DAY,

I KNEW ONE OF TWO THINGS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN --

EITHER THIS JUMP WAS GONNA PUT HIM ALL OVER THE MAP...

...OR IT WAS GONNA PUT HIM ALL OVER THE PARKING LOT.

[ SIREN WAILS, TIRES SCREECH ]

Woman on PA: X-RAY TECH TO I.C.U.

X-RAY TECH TO I.C.U.

MRS. McKLUSKY? YES.

IT'S YOUR HUSBAND.

HE'S IN AN UNCONSCIOUS COMA-TYPE DEAL,

BUT WITH SOME OF OUR RADICAL, CUTTING-EDGE TREATMENTS

AND, UH, A LITTLE HELP FROM THE MAN UPSTAIRS,

I THINK WE CAN REVIVE HIM.

THAT IS IF YOUR INSURANCE WERE ANY DAMN GOOD.

I SEE IT EVERY WEEK -- SMALL INSURANCE COMPANY

GETS HIT WITH SOME PHONY, MISGUIDED CLAIM.

THEY DON'T HAVE THE MEANS TO FIGHT, SO THEY FOLD.

ANYHOO, MONTY, ED, WANT TO GET ME THE VEGETABLE IN THE JUMPSUIT

Man: YES, DOCTOR. IN THE BACK THERE?

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT PHONY, MISGUIDED CLAIM?

EXCUSE ME. MY NAME IS RONNIE ROSENGOLD.

THIS IS MY BROTHER REGGIE ROSENGOLD.

WE'RE OF ROSENGOLD AND ROSENGOLD, ATTORNEYS AT LAW.

I'M SORRY. YOU -- YOU GUYS ARE RELATED?

YEAH, MY SHIT WAS ADOPTED.

YES.

WE REPRESENT THE CROWD

THAT WITNESSED YOUR HUSBAND'S EXPLOSION TODAY.

AND WELL, WE'VE FILED A RATHER NASTY

CLASS-ACTION SUIT AGAINST YOU.

BUT FOR WHAT?

YOU NEVER HEARD OF 'MOTIONAL STRESS AND SHIT?

DO YOU REALIZE MY HUSBAND IS NOT RECEIVING PROPER MEDICAL TREATMENT

BECAUSE OF YOUR FRIVOLOUS LAWSUIT?

MOVING ON...

SINCE MADMAN TECHNICALLY WAS NEVER AIRBORNE,

WE'RE ALSO SUING YOU FOR FALSE ADVERTISING.

MM-HMM. UH-HUH. THAT'S RIGHT.

BROTHERS DON'T PLAY. WE WANT THE MON-EY.

YEAH.

Frank: AS FOR ME, THAT'S WHEN EVERYTHING CHANGED.

MON-EY, HON-EY.

HA HA HA.

WHOO! HA HA.

YES!

Frank: HEY, I CAN DO THE JUMP, MOM.

NO!

I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

I WON'T SIT BY AND LET YOU OR LITTLE DARRYL

FOLLOW IN YOUR FATHER'S FOOTSTEPS.

I SWEAR...MY FAMILY IS ALWAYS GONNA BE SAFE.

Frank: WELL, MOM KEPT HER WORD.

SHE TURNED INTO THE WORLD'S MOST SAFETY-CONSCIOUS PARENT,

AND I TURNED INTO A 25-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN IN A HELMET.

AHHH.

MORNING, MR. BELVEDERE.

HEY, DAD. GOING TO WORK.

SEE YOU LATER, OKAY?

THAT'S MY BROTHER, DARRYL.

GOOD MORNING. YOU KNOW, FOR AN AGORAPHOBIC MUTE IN A SPACESUIT,

DARRYL. HE'S ONE PRETTY COOL KID.

ANYWAY, AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO MY DAD,

I DECIDED TO BECOME AN INSURANCE CLAIMS INVESTIGATOR.

MY PARTNER AND I HAD 572 FRAUDULENT CLAIM BUSTS TO OUR CREDIT.

THE MOST RECENT ONE -- ALL THE WAY OUT IN PENNSYLVANIA.

BUT MY MAIN FOCUS WAS TO BRING DOWN THE ROSENGOLDS.

HAVE A NICE DAY, SON.

OKAY.

OH, AND, FRANKIE, REMEMBER,

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY.

AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION IS WORTH A POUND OF CURE.

THERE'S SAFETY IN NUMBERS.

HINDSIGHT IS...

20/20.

I GOT IT, MOM.

YOU BE CAREFUL OUT THERE, SON.

COME ON, MOM. I'VE BEEN DOING THAT FOR 20 YEARS.

IT'S ONE THING I KNOW I'M GOOD AT.

AND THIS IS WHERE I WORK --

THE BIGGEST COMPANY IN THE BUSINESS,

CONGLOMERATE INSURANCE.

CONGLOMERATE INSURANCE, PLEASE HOLD. CONGLOMERATE INSURANCE.

OH, AND OUR RECEPTIONIST, VICKI?

Major crush on me.

HEY, VICKI. CONGLOMERATE --

HEY, GUESS WHAT?

I JUST GOT THE BOX SET OF "MIAMI VICE" ON DVD.

45 EPISODES, 0% COMMERCIALS, 100% AWESOME.

SO, ANYWAY, I WAS THINKING YOU, ME,

AND SOME COOL COPS FROM A CERTAIN MIAMI --

OKAY.

HEY, FRANK, CHECK IT OUT.

I'M TOTALLY RUNNING WITH SCISSORS! OH!

Frank: THAT'S HERB, WHAT A PRANKSTER.

THAT'S RIGHT.

OOH. OHH.

OOH.

YAHTZEE.

AND THAT'S FREEDA, OUR FILE CLERK.

HEY, FRANKIE, COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS REQ. FORM?

I CAN'T SEEM TO GET THESE FIGURES TO WORK.

SURE, FREEDA.

SHE CERTAINLY GIVES NEW MEANING TO THE PHRASE "CASUAL FRIDAYS."

HEY, JIMMY.

HEY, FRANK.

NEW FILE?

HEY, FRANK, YOU EVER HEAR OF SCOUT BAYOU?

HELLO.

LIKE, "ZAPPED!" IS ONLY MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME.

NO, NOT SCOTT BAIO, THE TALENTED ACTOR.

SCOUT BAYOU, THE BALD GUY IN THE WHEELCHAIR.

IT SAYS HERE HE'S FILED FIVE SEPARATE INJURY CLAIMS,

ALL DIFFERENT TYPES OF ACCIDENTS,

NONE OF THEM DISPUTED.

ALL FIVE PAID OUT IN FULL.

HOLD ON, JIMMY.

"AFTER A CLAIM IS PAID OUT,

AN INVESTIGATOR IS NO LONGER AUTHORIZED TO RESEARCH A CASE."

CLAIMS INVESTIGATORS HANDBOOK.

YEAH, BUT STOPPING FRAUDULENT CLAIMS

IS WHY WE BECAME C.I.s IN THE FIRST PLACE, RIGHT?

NO.

IT'S WHY I BECAME A C.I.

YOU WERE TOO FAT TO PASS A COP PHYSICAL, REMEMBER?

FRANK, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY

IF I TOLD YOU HE WAS REPRESENTED BY ROSENGOLD AND ROSENGOLD?

I'D SAY LET'S GO DISPUTE A CLAIM.

THERE HE IS.

MR. BALD WHEEL'S ON THE MOVE.