UnREAL

Quinn: Okay, here we go.

Opening night, "everlasting," all right?

Let's give 'em something that they want!

Ponies! Princesses!

Romance! Love.

I don't know, it's all a bunch of crap, anyways.

Let's go, people.

The girls are about to arrive. Are you feeling nervous?

i wouldn't say so, no.

Excited, then? Absolutely.

Good. I'm ready.

Well, that's good...Because here they come.

Shamiqua: Hello, there. Hi.

I'm shamiqua.

Shamiqua? yeah.

Okay. There we go. I think i got it. Cut! Cut! Cut!

man: That's a cut! That's a cut!

Everybody, back to one, please! Let's hustle!

Damn it!

Shamiqua? That's your girl?

That's the one who you said had wife potential?

She's black.

She's gorgeous. She went to spelman.

Okay, you know what?

First girl out of the carriage is always a wifey,

And that is not a wifey.

There's a black man in the white house.

Oh, thank you so much. I know, okay?

And he's barely black, all right?

It is not my fault that america's racist, people.

Okay, dan, let's go. Get a new girl out here.

Hustle, hustle.

Dan: Okay, got it. Ugh!

Where's limo three? Jay: Haven't seen it.

Where's limo three? I don't know.

Nobody? "i don't know"? Limo three.

Um, you'd better be breaking the damn sound barrier,

Because we need you here right now.

Uh, limo three? I can't even... Thank you.

What part of "we are rolling" did you not understand?

Rachel: We're almost there. Your costing our production every second you're not here.

You know, our flight was delayed.

I can do a lot, quinn, but i can't control the weather.

Just get your ass in here now.

Hey, um, tiny girl, i really have to pee, here --

Like, bad.

Yeah, i can't really control the weather, either,

If you know what i mean.

You know, i could actually go, as well.

Okay, uh, well, ladies, we are just, um,

A few minutes away,

So do you want to know who the suitor is?

Oh, my gosh!

Uh, yes?

His name is adam cromwell.

He is the british heir to the cromwell hotel fortune.

oh, my gosh!

What?! Adam cromwell?!

Oh, my god!

That is absolutely -- adam cromwell?

That's great.

Oh, my god. He's so yummy.

You guys...

Oh, my...

He's got real...

Quinn: Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Listen to me.

Wake him up. He looks like he'd rather be chewing cud than meeting hot girls.

Hold the roll. Hold the roll. Hold the roll. So, i just, uh...

Um, producers want you to act a little bit more charming

On the next take, so we're gonna roll again.

More charming? Yeah.

Right. Okay. Okay?

Oh, whatever.

Just be a good meat puppet and do as i say.

Uh, limo three just arrived.

Oh, good. Okay, get in here right now, three.

All right, ladies, phones, now.

You don't want to see me with no phone for eight weeks.

Yeah, eight weeks if you're lucky.

One night if you're not.

Okay, so eight weeks. Wow.

H-hey, rach, can we use the bathroom? Ladies.

Do not move from this limo until i tell you.

Thanks.

Uh, rachel, what about the bathroom?

Don't let them leave from this limo, okay?

Copy that.

You guys, get her when she's coming in, okay?

Cover her coming out.

Oh, crap.

Is that...?

Yep, your boyfriend's ex.

What? What, you guys really need to be on steadicam

This whole time, shooting me?

this is ridiculous.

Welcome back to reality, rachel.

Rachel's the mystery freelancer?

Jay: surprise.

Unbelievable.

Yeah. Be afraid, okay?

Crazy's back.

Don't everybody rush to hug me at one time.

I'm...

Shit.

Here we go.

Ahh.

It's about to get interesting.

Oh, yeah! Jay: Yay, welcome back, rachel.

Nice with the cameras. That was nice.

Oh, my pleasure, my pleasure.

My, my, my, look what the cat dragged home.

I thought -- i mean, weren't you --

On probation?

Yeah, and i'm doing community service.

I'm still waiting

On the, uh, trial for the civil charges, though.

And, um, and you did the pickups on the last of my girls?

Nobody told me they were your --

Y-yeah, they're not shia's. They're yours, okay?

here you go.

And, shia, you have other girls.

Yeah, but she gets the best ones?

At least two stayers.

Who you couldn't close.

I had rachel fly out and convince the lawyer

And the milf to sign their contracts.

So tonight, i want you floating,

And maybe you can turn one of your dogs

Into a dark horse, okay?

All right, i need the girls from limo three now, please.

Quinn, can you come down here, please?

We have kind of a situation.

crap.

All right, i'm on my way, and i'm pissed.

uh, we got a situation.

I really have to pee. Do you guys have to go?

I've had to since the airport. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I know, they haven't let us out at all.

Are you okay? How you doing?

I'm good. Good.

Yeah, i mean, you know,

It's a little bit surreal being back, but --

Too close! Yeah, but what?

You're ready to get out there.

I think so. I -- okay.

You know, quinn, i just --

My therapist says that i can't really travel

Any more than i already have.

I mean, i have to keep a schedule,

Make my appointments. Yeah, okay, fine.

You know, i'm seri-- okay, travel. No travel.

Whatever. Uh, where's ricardo?!

Hello?! Nobody?!

All right, listen!

I need 10 times more pillar candles, people!

10 times!

Wow.

They're all looking at me like, "huh?"

You know, quinn, i also really want to thank you.

Move! Don't thank me, all right?

Just repay me.

You owe me big-time after the mess you made.

Okay, everybody, hold the work.

We're gonna try this crane now, please.

I can not believe that i have to ask this again,

But where is limo three?

We are holding on that.

The thing is adam -- we can't find him.

What?

Yeah. Ugh.

Chet's here. Oh, great.

Just -- everybody act like everything's fine.

Yep. Chet wilton, creator of "everlasting," big kahuna.

Don't worry, lizzie. Come here. Give me a kiss.

Mmm.

I hear we have a situation.

I didn't know you were here.

Oh, i'm hanging out with my homeys in the grip truck.

Where's my royalty?

Um, maybe you'd like to answer that?

Just watch. It's fine.

Yeah? Okay.

Hi. Hey.

Uh, we stopped rolling. Right.

I took my eyes off him for a minute,

And, uh, we lost him.

Who are you?

Dan -- uh, first a.D.

We've worked together for four years.

All right. Who are you?

Uh, s-sam, second a.D. This is sam.

Sam. Sam, you're now the first a.D.

You're now fired.

okay? I need you to get your crap and get out.

Okay.

Chet, i -- no, no, no. It's not a conversation.

I need you to get off of my set,

Or you're not gonna be able to get a job in this town

As anything but a crack whore --

Assistant crack whore.