Blue in the Face

I think one of the reasons I live in New York is 'cause...

I know my way around New York.

I don't know my way around Paris.

I, uh...

don't know my way around Denver.

I don't know my way around Maui.

I don't know my way around Toronto, etcetera.

So, it's almost by default.

I don't know very many people who live in New York...

who don't also say, "But I'm leaving."

And I've been thinking of leaving...

for, uh, 35 years now.

I'm almost ready.

Last summer there was a stretch of a couple of weeks...

where everywhere I turned everyone seemed to be going nuts.

I mean, it's crazy enough living in Brooklyn in the first place.

But, so many weird little things kept popping up at once.

They all kinda got scrambled together in my head.

I doubt that any of it makes sense anymore...

but... this is how I remember it.

- You got it? - I got it.

Remember, okay? Saturday the sixteenth.

- Saturday the sixteenth? - Yes.

- Saturday the sixteenth? - Saturday the sixteenth.

It has to be that night. It's got to be because it's the only night...

that Ramon and his band are playing in Brooklyn. Okay?

Auggie, he's my brother. Trust me, okay?

- Don't worry, sweetheart. It's a date. - Trust me.

Thank you. Listen. Listen.

You're going to be so special.

Just remember the steps I teach you. Okay?

And you're going to be like Fred "Fucking" Astaire.

- Okay, Ginger. Whatever you say. - Hey! Thief!

He took my bag! Hey!

He got your purse.

- Thank you very much, sir. - You okay?

- I really appreciate that. Yeah. Thank you. - All right. Good.

- That was great. - All right.

Let's go call the cops, have this little kid arrested.

- Come on. - Wait a second.

We'll call from inside the store.

You're gonna have him arrested?

Yeah.

- No. No. No! Don't! - How old are you?

I see it in your eyes. Me? I'm only... 12.

- Come on, he's... - Is that what you're gonna give me now, lady?

No. He's scared to death. Come on.

I'm scared to death of him.

- You caught him in about five seconds flat. - I'm only 12 years old...

and I only shoot people who can't catch me, who are too old...

- Come on. Come on. - Lady. Lady!

Mister, come on. I thank you for getting it back, but let him go. He's too little.

- You're not gonna press charges against him? - No.

- You're not gonna press charges against him? - No. Look at him.

- Look at him? What about him? - He's a baby. He looks like my little brother.

Sweetheart, babies are shooting people in New York today.

- Do you see a gun on him? Come on. - Do you read the papers?

- You got a gun on you? - You're kidding me. Let him go, all right?

- Bye, bye. That's it. - This is a joke already. Let him go.

- Stop it. Leave him alone, please! - That's enough.

- Let's call the cops. - Just let him go. All right?

I don't care. I don't want to press charges. Thank you.

I do appreciate getting my purse back, but please let him go.

- He's gonna be good. Look at him. - Uh-huh.

You're not gonna do anything anymore.

- Here, it's yours. It's yours. - You're looking for trouble.

- You're looking for trouble. - Go! Go!

- What are you doing? - Why'd you do that?

You shit! Look at the poor girl. Why you do that, you fuck?

Why you stand there? Do something! You think it's funny.

- It's not funny. I'm not laughing. - How dare you do that!

How dare you take my thing and give it away like that.

- Do you know what is in there? - Lady...

- Shut up! - Lady?

- What are you doing? Are you some kind of vigilante? - If that bag is important to you...

then hang onto it.

- I put my life at risk to catch that kid. - Thank you, but I have a right...

- to forgive somebody and not be punished for it. - No. You've got a respon...

- Excuse me, sweetheart. Give me a minute. - Don't talk to me like that, Auggie.

- You've got a responsibility to teach that kid... - Don't stick that in my face!

- You have no right. - Oh, lady.

- Lady! Lady! What is this? - You've got a responsibility to teach this kid right from wrong.

You just taught him right from wrong? That was right from wrong?

- You just rewarded him! - You know what you taught him?

- I rewarded him? Mama! - You gave it back to him.

- Oh, God! Please! - Come on, stop it!

- I rewarded him? - You just gave it back. What a lesson was that?

- It was encouragement. Mine was a lesson of clemency. - Clemency? Lady!

- I showed him a little bit of kindness. - This is New York!

I'm scared in my own apartment.

I'm scared in my own apartment.

I'm, I'm... You know.

I'm scared 24 hours a day, but not necessarily in New York.

I actually feel pretty comfortable in New York.

I get scared like in Sweden.

You know, it's kind of empty. They're all drunk.

Everything works.

If you, you know... If you stop at a stop light and don't turn your engine off...

people come over and talk to you about it.

You open the medicine cabinet and there'll be a poster saying...

"In case of suicide, call..."

You turn on the TV, there's an ear operation.

These things scare me. New York, no.

There are 2.3 million people living in Brooklyn.

There are 90 different ethnic groups...

32,000 businesses...

and 1,500 churches, synagogues and mosques in Brooklyn.

There were 30,973 robberies...

14,596 felonious assaults...

and 720 murders committed in Brooklyn last year.

No problem, Vin. Everything's under control.

- I could run this store in my sleep. - I know.

How long you been workin' for me, Auggie?

I don't know. Thirteen, fourteen years. Something like that.

Kinda crazy, don't you think? I mean, uh...

a smart guy like you, what do you want to hold onto a dead-end job like this for?

I don't know.

Maybe because I love you so much, boss.

I love you too.

The Brooklyn attitude, as far as I'm concerned, is first...

knowing what you're doing, being right...

and following through and never stop following through on what you believe in.

And, uh, if you have to defend it...

physically, verbally, spiritually, whatever way you have to defend it, is...

Brooklyn people are always ready to pay the price for what they believe in.

And, um, it's being up front and following through...

and not taking any crap from anybody.

Uh, a pack of Kools, please.

- What's she doing? - I heard you, Dennis.

- Huh? - I heard you, Dennis. This is a public place.

Yeah, it's a public place. Whatever.

- How you doin'? - How you doin', Dennis?

Oh, I'm good. I'm always good.

I'm glad to see your fingers aren't broken.

Wha... What the... What's that supposed to mean?

If your fingers were broken, you'd have an excuse for not callin' Mary last night.

She sat by the phone all night. She thought somethin' happened.

"Oh, maybe Dennis... Maybe something happened." Fool!

If you tell her you're gonna meet her, you come or at least call.

- Wha... - Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you comin' in here tellin' me...

- I was hopin' I'd bump into you, to be honest. - No, let me fin...

What are you comin' in here, tellin' me what to do with my girlfriend?

- Your girlfriend? - I think that...

If you cared an ounce about Mary, you would not let her sit there all night waiting for you.

Mary and I have an understanding. See, I work for a living.

- She didn't act like she understood anything last night. - I don't know what you do.

I know what you do. You spend ten hours a day standing around a diner, making 25...

- I work for a living. I have a schedule, I have people... - A schedule?

The Knicks game's at 8:00. That means at 7:00 you're out there with the tickets.

- That's a schedule? - It's a schedule. It's a job.

- It's where I have to be. It's something she understands. - And what is this?

What are you doin' even like deciding wh-what she needs to think, what l...

Wh-What are you gettin' in my shit for?

I don't give a shit what you do with your life.

- Do what you like. But leave my sister... - Then shut up about it.

- In one piece. - Then shut up about it! Why you come in here...

- These... This place... Don't touch me. - I don't like to see my sister...

How 'bout you don't touch me at all, okay? Keep your greasy diner fuckin' fingers off me.

- What? - You know, I had...

- Where do you come off? - I spent a year listening to Phil, my good friend...

You know Phil. I spent a fuckin' year listening to him bitch about you.

A year! And now you're gonna tell me how to run my relationship?

- You're gonna tell me what I should do to my girlfriend, or shouldn't do? - I'm asking...

I believe you come... Y-Y-You... Phil left you. I think that was the case, right?

- A-Am I mistaken about that? - I don't think that was the sequence of events.

I think he left... Well, no. What was, then? What, you left him?

No, I don't think so. I don't think so! No. He left you.

- You know why he left her? Frigid. Frigid. - I'm glad you're an ex...

That's why. Frigid. Nothin'. Nothin'! Nothin'! Nothin'!

- Fuck you! - Ice bitch. Ice bitch.

Fuck you, you bastard!

I taught him handball, and he's my best opponent because the score's always tied.

We don't fight at home because we fight on the court.

I'm talkin' about drop-dead fights. I won't give.

I'll die. I'll fall down on that court before I give him a point.

And then he tries to harass me on, you know.

He said, "Oh! Now," he said, "I'm gonna get serious."

And every time he does that, I kick his butt.

What the fuck you come in here doin' this shit for?

These are my friends. You're telling him how to run his business!

These are my friends. What the hell you comin' in here tellin' my friends...

- Dennis, come on. - No! Fuck you. Fuck you!

- All right, I'll just go out. - Just forget about it.

- What we... What were you yelling about? - Is that what this is about?

- You guys sit around here and talk all day this trash? - Nah. No.

I'm sorry. I started it. Believe me, I know I started it.

- Nobody talks about you. - Hmm.

Wh-What were you yelling about?

- Things we shouldn't've been yelling about. - You want a hug?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

Get right in there, Jimmy.

- Do you feel better? - Yeah, a lot better.

- You're not rigid anymore? - No, no. Not rigid.

I get rigid sometimes.

Yeah.

Like the Indian over there.