The Vanishing Corporal (The Elusive Corporal / Le caporal épinglé) (Le Caporal épinglé)

THE VANISHING CORPORAL

By invading France, the German Army causes

the defense system of the French Army to crumble.

The numerical superiority of German Aviation

leaves little doubt as to the outcome of the war.

Panic is spreading around the civilian population

who is now fleeing.

This is Radio Berlin,

June 22, 1940.

The victory of our Third Reich is complete.

The Fuhrer has accepted the armistice requested by French headquarters.

Both parties met

in the very railway carriage

where the World War I armistice was signed.

Where are you going?

I'm going home.

You are crazy. Go back to camp.

- But it's the armistice. - Yes, the armistice. Very good.

Don't talk, go back to camp.

But the war is over. We're no longer enemies, guys.

Go, back to camp!

What about my cows? What's going to happen to them?

My assistant broke his leg and my wife's all alone.

Go back to the camp!

But... my cows.

But the armistice has been signed. What about my cows?

Oh my God.

Come on, move it!

Come on.

Move it!

WE SHALL CONQUER BECAUSE WE'RE THE STRONGEST.

Hey, you! Let's go!

- Nice weather, huh? - You're kidding me?

I'm looking for someone. Do you know the Corporal?

- Which corporal? - There's only one.

I'm sure he's vacationing somewhere in this rainy place.

Don't move so much, you'll fuck up our tent!

Fuck! I knew it.

When you have to sleep in shit, you stay put. Everybody knows that.

When you start feeling comfortable in shit, you're not too far from the end!

- Ballochet! - Careful!

Glory to the losers! Let's not trample the French Army.

Ballochet!

My old Ballochet!

What's he doing here?

Are you alone? Where are our Free Corps buddies?

There's no Free Corps. Everything's lost.

We're alive, so it isn't so bad. Especially since heroic deaths...

- Are a thing of the past. - I've noticed for some time

that honor and glory go to the survivors, not the dead.

Since you know everything, do you know when we'll be released?

Imagine I'm Hitler...

it's highly improbable, since we don't have the same training.

If I were Hitler and I had two million French prisoners,

and I wouldn't let them go. Not a single one.

Man...

- When it's pouring... - We can't go on like this.

You know what the cook told me?

They'll let the Breton go, and Brittany will gain its independence.

Are you from Brittany?

My great-grandmother was from Saint-Malo.

The cook pulled your leg. Electricians will be released first.

- Are you an electrician? - Can't you tell?

Farmers will go first. And my cow needs me.

No, orphan machine operators with four children will go first.

- You a machine operator? - No, and I'm not an orphan.

Are you putting me on?

My dear friend, here's the truth.

Here's the truth, the only truth.

During a ball given by the King of England,

Roosevelt said to Hitler...

- "My dear Adolf... - "If you don't immediately set

all the French prisoners free, I'll declare war on you."

- They're on first-name basis? - For sure, buddy!

- It's not official, of course. - Ballochet has summed it up well:

our rulers are pulling our legs.

They talk over Champagne while we're sitting in shit!

What are we to do, Corporal?

It's always been that way, and it always will.

- So let's just wait... - Wait for what, for whom? Where?

- I don't know, but... - No, Papa, believe me:

we'll have to get out of our own mess.

I don't think it's a smart move. We could all get shot in the ass!

- Like during the Free Corps patrols. - Indeed!

He almost got us all killed because he wanted to pick strawberries!

But those strawberries were delicious, Papa.

- They tasted like friendship. - Years of blood and mud.

We should wait for Spring, believe me, Corporal.

We'll pick strawberries in Rue du Pic. Much safer.

You think so? Hitler won't release us.

- How do you know? - Ballochet said so.

- Of course, Ballochet! - In any case, I've got to scram!

- Barbed wire depresses me. - The commander's gloves depress me.

- Green knit gloves. - If I wore green knit gloves

- to read the meters... - Housewives would make fun of me.

The gas man's witty now! I'm getting tired of your little duet!

You don't have to join us.

But what would I do without you?

- So let's scram now. - Why get us in trouble

- when they signed the armistice? - I never signed anything!

Corporal! Listen...

I think we can go over the wall over there.

They even put sand there.

- There are guards outside. - It's a stupid idea.

- Let's forget about it. - I've lost my glasses.

- Let's go! - How about Ballochet?

Hey, Ballochet! Hurry up!

- I can't find my glasses. - Corporal! Look!

Don't move!

Smile, Corporal.

- I'll never forgive myself for this. - If you'd helped him out,

he would have got caught with us and he's be sitting in this cage.

I know, but in my haste, I betrayed him.

Listen to me.

I didn't tell you, because I didn't want to hurt your feelings,

but Ballochet betrayed himself.

His glasses...

- he lost them on purpose. - How can you say such crap?

Ballochet is not a wimp! Are you nuts or what?

You've never understood him anyways.

- I'm too stupid. - Indeed!

This is Radio Berlin.

The German Army is celebrating its victory in Paris.

Left... three, four!

Nice voices, huh?

They can even carry a tune. How depressing...

They'll never make us laugh as much as they're pissing us off.

They're not making me laugh, and they're not pissing me off either.

Get going.

Let's move!

Move it, let's go!

Please don't push!

- Corporal! - Here! Hurry up!

Don't push!

Would you mind giving me your spot?

- What for? - They're my buddies.

If you'd like.

- Is that spot open? - If you want.

Don't mess with my stuff.

After three days in a train, I appreciated that shower.

It was a little too hot for my taste. I like my showers cold.

- Are you nuts? - I'm athletic.

I box, wrestle, do some pole vaulting...

Do you make a lot of money being such an acrobat?

I'm an amateur.

My real job is in insurance.

I didn't take a shower.

The guard had his back turned, and I pretended like I was drying myself off.

I'm a redneck, but I'm not dumb.

Athleticism requires a good hygiene.

Look at this.

Where's my cheese grater?

- So you sing too? - I've got quite a voice!

And I've got amazing feet. I'm telling you!

My feet are extraordinary. And in my trade, it's everything.

But I have to bathe them three times a day to avoid swelling.

- You an athlete too? - No, I'm a waiter.

Do you know Bertrand's, behind the Opera?

That's where I work.

The money good at Bertrand's?

It depends on the season.

I don't know how they can keep going without me.

Tuesday is my day off and some of my clients don't show up that day.

They want to be waited on by me only.

"Lefty, bring me my drink!"

"Lefty"?

- That's how they call me. - Because you're...

It's quite a responsibility.

You bet.

You see,

electricity is not just technical.

It's also artistic.

For instance, how do you choose a switch button?

You have to make sure it matches the deco.

What are they gonna do with us now?

They'll make us work.

It's quite inconvenient to be the losers.

It messes up our habits.

Attention!

Sergeants.

NCOs...

Continue!

Gentlemen, dear colleagues,

you should understand we are friends.

All of this is temporary,

but the war against England gives us no choice

but to be very prudent.

We are counting on your help

to keep order amongst the French prisoners.

Warrant officer Mede.

You can count on us, Lieutenant.

I would like for you to choose

a volunteer who will help your colleague

maintain order and cleanliness here.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Attention!

We must realize we've been fooled!

They said they were brutes, but I've met nothing but nice people.

- We must accept it. - Shut up!

Turn left!