Tartarin de Tarascon

Provence.

A few olive trees, a gentle breeze, and lots of cicadas…

That mill? It belonged to Alphonse Daudet.

It was there that he created his finest works and many of his most vivid characters,

to whom he gave life. Among them was

the most beloved, the greatest, the most moving of them all:

an immortal character who could have lived two thousand years ago

and who will still be alive two thousand years from now,

whom you can still encounter today if you go searching for caps...

TARTARIN

My friends, what a bloodbath! Well, I think today's cap hunt is over.

And once again, the winner is 48 caps and 1 beret! Tartarin of Tarascon!

Monsieur Chairman, a quick word, if I may? Could you tell our viewers why, in Tarascon,

- do people hunt only caps? - Well, that's what we're best at!

However stupid the animals may have been, they eventually learned to be careful.

All the burrows within a ten-kilometre radius of Tarascon are empty!

So we toss caps into the air and shoot at them.

It's a sport like any other, and nobody gets hurt.

Pif-paf at the caps!

Pif-paf at the hats!

We fill them full of lead!

And punch holes through them!

Where are the hares? There are no more hares!

And the rabbits? No rabbits

And the hazel grouse? No hazel grouse

And the pheasants? , No pheasants.

Where are the black grouse? No black grouse

Where are the partridges? They flew away!

Where are the boars? They ran away!

There's nothing left!

And so, pif-paf at the caps!

After all, what difference does it make what we aim at?

We go hunting for caps and we are from Tarascon!

- VOICES FROM TARASCON - So that's your famous Tartarin?

I thought he was dead.

MADAME BÉZUQUET Dead? Tartarin? Come on!

Even if he wanted to, he couldn't!

Tartarin...

He's a real man!

COMMANDER BRAVIDA Tartarin... He's one of a kind!

GUNSMITH COSTECALD He's a marksman!

JUDGE LADEVÈZE He's character itself!

CAFÉ OWNER TOLOZAN He's the brains!

PHARMACIST BÉZUQUET He's a booming voice!

RAILWAY REPRESENTATIVE Tartarin, he's tireless! That's right, tireless!

TOUR GUIDE And what about his house? Have you seen it?

Oh, good heavens! Tartarin's house!

- On Frédéric Mistral Street. - At the end, on the right.

And in the garden there's the famous baobab!

A gigantic tree! Arbor gig an tea!

Well... of course! But tell me, not bad for Tarascon, eh?

And this, this is the door to his study.

Oh, good heavens! His study!

POISONED ARROWS Do not touch!

LOADED WEAPONS Be careful!

Jeanette!

Jeanette!

- Oh, monsieur, you're drenched in sweat! - 48 caps and 1 beret today!

- Put them in the trophy room. - You'll work yourself to death, monsieur!

I'm made of iron, my girl! By the way, get my aubergine costume ready.

I'm singing at the Bézuquets' tonight.

BIG BERTHA DUET

If I'd known I'd love you so much, my darling!

If I'd known it would last a lifetime!

I'd have run away then and there,

I'd have escaped the fate that bound us together

If I'd known I'd suffer so much for love!

If I'd known what was in store for us,

I'd have stayed away from you!

But my poor heart didn't know!

"No, no," said Tartarin.

No, no, no, no!

Your heart never knew!

It simply didn't know!

If I'd known, in all our tender moments,

If I'd known I needed to stand up for myself

I'd have smothered my own happiness!

To spare myself so many tears and so much heartache

I should have known, yes, I should have realized,

That the voice I kept hearing,

It was the voice of love, quietly weeping!

But my heart couldn't hear it!

Tartarin! "No, no, no..."

No, no, no, no!

Your heart simply

didn't know... oh-oh!

Music! Music!

No panic!

Ah, Tartarin! There you are!

- Good evening, gentlemen! - We've been expecting you.

Yes, I've just sung "The Big Bertha Duet."

- Did the windows survive? - The windows did. The chandelier didn't.

Give him something to drink. The poor fellow nearly died of fright.

No!

- What do you mean, "No"? Why not? - Why?

- Why? - He dares ask why!

Tartarin! We've been waiting for you so you could take a look at this document.

A bill from Agnès, the milliner.

Addressed to Monsieur Bézuquet, the pharmacist.

Seventy-five thousand old francs for the delivery of fifty caps,

pre-perforated with lead shot.

Bézuquet!

Surely that's not true?

It is.

You bought caps that had already been shot full of holes?

Yes.

Do you realize how serious this is?

- Gentlemen! Please! Let me explain... - Silence!

Monsieur Bézuquet, this is disgraceful!

Your behaviour is dishonourable!

You will stand trial tomorrow, behind closed doors.

At six o'clock! At Costecald's gun shop.

No entry, madam! This is a closed hearing.

- But I'm his wife! - Exactly. You'd be too upset.

Please! I beg you!

I swear, Tartarin, I never thought I was doing anything wrong!

Put yourself in my shoes! Monsieur Bézuquet!

What you did is disgraceful! Absolutely disgraceful!

It's even... even despicable! And unworthy of a hunter!

But it wasn't my fault! I kept missing the caps!

- So I said to myself... - That's enough!

Monsieur Bézuquet, we have no choice but to punish you.

You are banned from cap hunting for the next two Sundays!

Off you go! But what am I supposed to do?

You'll practise at the shooting range. It'll do you good!

A man, a real man, must know how to shoot fast and straight!

Look! Tartarin himself, in Shanghai, when he was attacked by revolutionaries,

had to know how to handle a rifle!

- Isn't that right, Tartarin? - Holy Mother of God!

Shanghai! Ha-ha! It was hot in Shanghai!

When word came that bands of raiders were approaching,

I barred the warehouse doors, lowered the consular flag,

handed out weapons to all the staff, and through the windows we went, bang!

At the Tartar hordes!

And I, Monsieur Bézuquet, didn't buy Chinese men riddled with holes at the market!

Shanghai! He was never even in Shanghai! He merely ALMOST went there!

Then your Tartarin is nothing but a liar?

- What? - A liar?

- Absolutely not! - A thousand times no!

The South of France has no liars!

- Not in Tarascon! - Not in Toulouse!

- Not in Nîmes! - Not in Marseille!

People in the South don't lie. They fool themselves.

- His "lies"... - aren't lies at all!

- They're more like... - Mirages!

- If anyone lies... it's the sun! - Everything it touches, it magnifies.

- What was Athens... - at the height of its glory?

- At most, a sub-prefecture. - Yet history

- has remembered it as a mighty city. - That's what the sun did!

And after that, do you expect that same sun to shine over Tarascon

without turning a former head of clothing supplies into the glorious Commander Bravida?

Or a man who almost went to Shanghai... into a man who actually did?

Careful, Tartarin! Slippers mean no hardships, a life without surprises!

What am I saying? They are the very symbol of surrender! Don't listen, Tartar-in!

Slippers mean security! Don't listen to Don Quixote!

Listen to Sancho Panza! You've never been to Shanghai!

Get up and set off in search of adventure!

You've got rheumatism! Stay here, trust me.

Win yourself glory, Tartar-in! Tartarin, wrap yourself in flannel.

Rise, Tartarin Sancho! Put on your slippers and sit down!

Sit down, Tartarin Sancho! Put on your slippers and sit down!

Well, what will it be? Boots? Or slippers?

Jeanette!

Jeanette! My yellow shoes!

I'm off to our club!

Tell me, Mr. Bézuquet, you seem to have had more success

with lions than with caps?

Lions, they're much simpler.

Electric lions, perhaps!

But real ones, Mr. Bézuquet, made of flesh and blood?

With a mane and great jaws? With fangs and claws?

Ha-ha, my poor friend!

We're no longer talking about throwing balls at light bulbs

throwing balls at light bulbs to score points! Fast and straight!

One second of hesitation, and you're dead!

Dead, Mr. Bézuquet.

And when you come face to face with a lion, I swear you'll miss hunting caps!

Face to face with a lion! A lion!

As if you'd ever faced a lion, Tartarin!

Indeed! The day a lion appears in Tarascon, I'll walk down the street in a nightcap!

A lion in Tarascon! Very funny!

END OF THE GAME

TRAVEL LING MENAGERIE

ATLAS LION

Mr. Bézuquet!

Do you know what you have to do?

Good heavens... I wonder if I can bear that lion's roar?

- I'm only a woman! - There, there, madam, take my arm!

You're perfectly safe with me. Come along.

ANIMAL LOVER

Oh, shut up!

Will you shut up already?

Ah... finally! Oh, blast! Customers!

Now roar, you idiot! Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! This way!

For the first time in Tarascon! The Atlas Lion!

A fierce African lion, known as "The Scourge of Donkeys" - the true King of the desert!

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! This way!

Step right up! Plenty of room inside! Well? Are you going to roar, you idiot?

Nobody's going to bite you, you miserable coward!

Step right up! Ladies and gentlemen, take a look!