Community

Hmm.

Shirley, did you ever date Roger Ebert?

- Excuse me? - Nothing.

Britta, did you ever take pictures of your feet

and post them on the Internet for money?

Sha-ha! No.

Guys, this history final is going to be killer.

- We have to study. -

It's no fair Professor Cornwallis

turned all hard-assed again.

Lucky Pierce.

Donating his kidney to Gilbert to get out of it.

I never thought he'd be that generous.

Although, he did seem disappointed

that the operation didn't involve

sleeping with a Russian woman,

then waking up in a bathtub full of ice.

- Hmm. - Guys!

- Hmm? - History!

I am studying history.

I'm studying our history.

- Abed! - Nobody bite.

We agreed no biting.

But, Jeff, it's a graduation gift.

You see, on the surface we seem like just a group of people

from diverse backgrounds who have become unlikely friends.

But according to my research,

our paths have crossed many times.

We were destined to meet. Like a team of superheroes.

This is our origin story.

And here...we...go.

Abed, we don't have origin stories.

We have lives.

Well, at least--

yep, just me.

So you're saying we're all connected

like the classic French film trilogy

Bleu, Blanc, Rouge?

No, like something more accessible.

- Like Unbreakable. - Wow.

Abed, I know it's disappointing to you,

but we're not superheroes.

This is the real world, not some comic book adventure.

I've done it. I've infiltrated the school.

I've learned its secrets.

I've gained everyone's trust.

And now, on the anniversary of my empire's destruction,

vengeance will be mine.

No, vengeance will be ours.

Okay, can you stop that? It really creeps me out.

I'm sorry. Just really love this thing.

Skymall.

I've been doing exhaustive research into our lives.

Once I find the last one or two missing pieces,

I'll have conclusive proof that we were all destined to meet.

This is how we're all connected.

I call it the crazy quilt of destiny

mainly because the loom of fate was already taken.

- Really? - Look.

I don't care what tricks or nonsense you have

in your scrapbook, Martha Stewart,

but there's no way you're gonna get me to believe

there's some outside force controlling my destiny.

And I think you used that particular phrasing

because I know you've seen Star Wars.

Everybody's seen Star Wars.

Yes, but you first saw it when it was re-released in 1982

at the Greendale Palladium at 4:15 in the afternoon.

And it was the best time you ever had with your father.

How did you know that?

You keep this ticket stub in your wallet.

Abed, you can't--

- Give it back! - Whoa!

Our story begins in the distant mists of a lost era:

2008.

I know you're all wondering how I do it.

How do I balance straight As, extracurriculars,

and Israeli folk dancing every Friday night?

It's a simple matter of organization,

dedication, and...

And we're back!

Then I drink your milkshake.

Ah, that will never get old.

You guys gotta see my Juno.

Hey, Troy.

So I heard you weren't doing that great in algebra,

and you know, if you need a tutor for math,

I'd be happy to help.

I'm being recruited by colleges to play football.

- Oh. - I don't have time for math.

The only thing that matters to me are statistics.

Ooh!

Uh, that's also a type of math.

But we already knew I went to high school with Troy,

and it's not like he even remembered I existed.

Yeah, I don't remember her at all.

We should probably drop this.

Wait, where's Pierce on this chart?

His contribution to the group

has already been noted.

Pierce Hawthorne. Fixture at Greendale.

Unavoidable.

- Hey, is that a sad face? - I wouldn't know.

You have to look deeper. Here. Take this, for example.

It's a receipt I found

in the back of Shirley's sock drawer on Thanksgiving.

You went in my bedroom for some comic book thing?

Oh, no, my feet were cold. Ah, here.

- You should probably wash those. - Oh.

Discovering the receipt was dumb luck,

but it proves that we were at the mall

on the exact same day.

Shirley, do remember what you bought for $54

at the Love Hut?

What? Hmm? No.

So excited about tonight, honey.

Uh-huh. It's been too long

since we had adult time without the kids.

Oh!

Well, I may have an anniversary surprise for you too.

Well, I'm in public, but, uh...

you know you gonna get it, right?

You gonna get it!

So we were at the mall on the same day.

Unbreakable.

Mail call.

That's all right. Won't be needing it today.

But Kevin always takes the mail.

Well, today's mail's kind of important.

It's the day that I send in Greendale's lease renewal.

Lease re-new-al?

It's a critical document.

See, Greendale sublets our land from the Arapaho nation.

Ah.

Miss a renewal and faster than you can say "wounded knee,"

we turn into a casino and midsize concert venue.

So you only trust me with busywork?

Oh, no, that's not--

Kevin, ah--

I cannot resist those puppy dog eyes.

Here.

Ah! Now, I have time to hit the seamstress.

Guess all I have to say is "Ladies and gentlemen,

Greendale Resort and Casino presents Steve Winwood."

Okay, I just need to find the one last smoking gun,

and I think this might be it.

I found it in a copy of the Greendale communist worker.

Look familiar?

Oh, my God.

This is me and my anarchist collective at the courthouse.

We called ourselves the An-her-chists.

- -

Did you guys know that Jeff's in that photo?

Britta and Jeff: What!

Jeff. My man.

Congrats on getting your case thrown out.

Your argument was a masterpiece.

I mean, it was definitely creative.

Creative?

He convinced a judge to forgive five years back taxes

by getting him to agree

that you humping an American flag to Back In Black

was not stripping

but actually not-for-profit performance art.

Ch-chk...Boom!

Blew me away.

Come on, let's go!

Thank you.

Thank you for defending a woman's right

to use her body however she chooses.

I can honestly say that right is very important to me.

Aw!

Excuse me, Mr. Winger, can we get a--

You're a hero. Hi.

Hi.

Guys!

We have got to capitalize on this momentum.

It is time An-her-chists finally takes a stand

on animals rights.

There is a medical lab in an office building nearby.

Next week, I say we break in there--

Actually, we were thinking this is our last hurrah.

But this was our first hurrah.

- We're just getting going. - Britta, we're done.

I had a hamburger the other day,

and suddenly I'm not cold all the time.

Fine. Go. I don't need you.

What's an anarchist to do without her organization?

Jeffrey, how could you?

Well, I was a really good lawyer.

Mysti is the stripper that Andre cheated on me with,

and you defended her.

Shirley, I--

If you hadn't gotten that homewrecker off,

Andre never would've met her.

Jeff ends Shirley's marriage.

See? I told you we were always destined to meet.

Hmm.

Usually Jeff went to the same rec center,

but I had no idea their paths crossed again.