Rules of Engagement

Well, sir, looks like it's time

for me to begin my long overdue vacation.

Vacation?

Uh, a little heads up would have been nice.

I've emailed you daily, left you dozens of voicemails,

and for the last six weeks, there's been this.

I can't decipher your cryptic clues.

Anyway, here's your schedule for while I'm away, sir.

"Shedule." Bless you.

Mm-hmm.

All right, this seems doable.

Sir, we both know the paper is blank.

You have no meetings, no calls,

nothing to do.

Can you email me this as well?

Of course, sir.

So you're going on vacation, huh?

A little vacay action.

Where's it gonna be?

Florida?

Bahamas?

V... V... Virgin Islands, hm?

I'm not telling you where I'm going.

If I do, you'll show up.

Why would I do that?

Because the one other time I took a vacation,

I told you where I was going,

and you showed up.

That was a coincidence.

Worst vacation of my life.

I can't believe you dragged me there.

I didn't drag you... or in...

Anyway, as much as you've come to depend on me,

I'm sure you'll be fine.

I depend on you?

Wow, that's hysterical.

I have plenty to do around here.

Yes, this city is full of barely legal girls

down on their luck,

thinking life can't get any worse.

Go prove them wrong.

You know, you can't leave

until you get someone to cover your desk.

Very well, sir.

Oh, will there be anything else?

Yeah, can you C.C. the new guy my "shedule"?

- Thanks. - Oh, yes.

Oh, come on.

What is that?

It's his artificial seasoning salt.

I've developed an immunity to regular salt.

Apparently he's on a quest to become uninsurable.

Hey.

It's worth it.

It really wakes up the flavor.

Mmm.

All right, this stuff is pure M.S.G.

Uh, honey, I'm an adult.

Okay, you don't have to spell things in front of me.

It stands for monosodium glutamate.

Nerd alert.

You know, Adam and I are taking

a healthy cooking class.

Mm-hmm, not my first.

Tell 'em what I made you.

He carved a radish into a rose.

Aww.

Hey, you two should take a class with us.

Oh, that sounds fun.

Based on previous behavior, I'm sure

my husband will be eager to participate.

I'm not gonna pay to watch this knob carve a radish.

Come on, we never do anything together.

Last night, we watched TV in separate rooms.

I wanted to watch The Mentalist.

I was watching The Mentalist...

All right, you know what? That's it.

We're doing this.

We're taking that cooking class.

All right, we'll do this together.

But next week, I get the big TV for The Mentalist.

Hey, Ferny, I'm not mad.

But in the future, could you... hey!

Timmy's back!

Seems about right.

Took me two weeks with you to die inside as well.

So how was the vacation?

Where'd you go?

I went to Chicago, sir.

Ah, mile high city.

Nation's capital.

Paul revere and so forth.

0 for 3, sir.

So you seem to have held up well.

Oh, yeah. Things went pretty well while you were gone.

I met a nice little lady friend.

Aw, good for you, sir.

And just for record keeping,

did you expense her or use petty cash?

No, no, she was a non-pro.

In fact, something special about this one.

- Oh. - She's very... oh, here she is.

Radha, hey babe.

Come on in. This is Timmy.

Timmy, this is Radha.

And she knows English, you don't have to be all,

"nur-nur, nur-nur, nur-nur."

Pleased to meet you.

Ahh, a British accent.

Yeah, just like you.

Oi! Sweep the chimney, governor.

A little shrimp on the barbie.

Who's been eatin' me bowl of lucky charms?

Another huge swing and a miss, sir.

So do tell, how did you two meet?

Well, I work at restaurant on Sixth Street.

Sixth Street?

You went to Indian Row, sir?

Ah, I had a hankerin'.

By the way, Timmy, uh,

can you print out my schedule for the week?

Yes, just take any sheet of paper

out of the printer, sir.

B.R.B.

Oh, hey, Timmy.

Lady Timmy.

Now in healthy kitchen, we say good-bye to salt.

We say good-bye to butter.

We should say good-bye to this class.

Would you stop it?

Oh, no, that's all right.

It looks like we've found our class clown.

Everyone, say hi to the class clown.

All: Hi.

Ugh.

I look the most like a chef.

I don't know that that's important.

It is.

Tomorrow, we'll be making

free-range coq au vin

with low-fat potatoes au gratin.

But tonight is all about prep work.

Now, does anyone know how to prep a chicken?

I do, Chef.

Just calm down, Wolf Gang suck.

Okay, but before we prep the chicken,

we are gonna slice the cheddar.

So just to be clear,

you're asking the entire class

to, uh, cut the cheese?

Wow, Adam, you were not kidding

about having done this before.

Thank you, Chef.

You're jealous.

Hey, Chef.

What do you think of that mess?

Well, you know, considering you're a beginner,

it's... it's not good.

Did you even use a knife, or just your fists?

That's a good one, Chef.

All right, just tell me,

am I going home alone tonight, or...

Okay, let's all bring our pans to the back.

I'll take it.

I see an open bottle of wine back there.

Hey, hang in there, buddy.

You'll get the hang of it.

Uh, no, I won't, because I don't give a crap.

This is stupid.

That's typical.

You can't do it, so you put it down.

Oh, please. If I tried,

our dish would kick your dish's ass.

Oh, really, is that right?

- Yeah, that's right. - Yeah?

Yeah, you wanna dance?

- Let's dance. - Sure.

I mean, maybe after class we could hit up a salsa club.

No. I mean, tomorrow night

we have Chef Brad judge our food,

- see which one tastes better. - Oh, all right, fine.

And how about loser pays for the winner's class?

- Done. - Done.

Uh, hey, uh, Teach?

Uh, tomorrow night, could you judge us?

I'm actually doing that right now.

I meant, could you judge or dishes,

tell us which one tastes better?

Oh, that sounds like fun.

Actually, you know, I was once asked

- to be a judge on... - Super, all right.

Ah, Mr. Dunbar, Radha.

Ah, he caught us on a little "R" and "R"...

Russell and Radha.

I'll never tire of that.

Oh, um, he prefers his fries...

Much less crispy.

Yes, uh...

Both: His teeth are very sensitive.

Hey, that's my cross to bear.