Mad Men

Previously on Mad Men...

Are you leaving me?

We're leaving each other, just like you said.

And who's that woman, your other wife?

I ended up married to her because I ran away to join the army.

You want me to work up an entire corporate image campaign for 10 dollars?

How much do you want?

How much you got?

When a housewife has a rapid weight gain the cause is usually psychological.

This can never happen again.

What?

No, of course. I...

How is fishing competitive? Man versus fish?

- No. - Morning.

Man versus man. The weighing, the measuring.

Got to respect anything that rewards you for silence.

Come on.

Morning, all.

My mother always said good news could wait.

But I spent an hour and a half on the phone last night

with my new best friend Victor at the New York Times.

- Gonna get a paper route? - ( Chuckles )

No, they're doing some literary profile on hip agencies.

- Hep. - After an hour of invading the details of my life--

You shouldn't start it with the mayflower.

Anyway, I told him to get in touch with you.

He wants to see what we've been up to.

- I'll have Joan put it together. - ( Elevator dings )

And don't worry about an interview.

He seemed to be only interested in talking to me.

Sterling Campbell Draper Pryce, may I help you?

And this one.

That'll do it.

Peggy really got buried with Heinz.

Yes, they are mostly Mr. Ginsberg.

Look at all the great work you've done as creative director.

Look at all these voices, all this talent.

You really should put the letter in there.

Should I? That was a year ago.

As far as the world knows, it wasn't really an ad.

It's something to talk about.

We're still suffering for it.

Might as well get something out of it.

Leave 'em.

Look, JC, if you golf with me you're gonna win every time. No, because I'm terrible.

Okay.

Get Max Rosenberg on the phone.

I thought your tailor was Italian.

I met him at the Javits fundraiser.

He's got a piece of business. It's a Jewish wine.

- Why not bring it up at new business? - Why?

Don't you think we're capable of doing this on our own?

Mr. Campbell is very good for our business,

but this requires your finesse

and, frankly, your semitic wife.

Bert, how do you not know I'm getting a divorce?

Not Mona, Jane.

Jane and I are getting divorced.

Already?

How Jewish are they?

You know, "Fiddler on the roof," audience or cast?

The company is Manischewitz. Max will know.

You can't blink. Try to keep your eyes open

so the sting from the air comes in.

Like this.

Daddy, don't forget the colored pencils.

- Whining is not gonna get you anything. - ( Laughs )

I'm crying because I need them so badly for my family tree project.

- Dinner's at 7:00? - You're gonna work all day?

It's 3:30.

- Bye, boys. - Bye-bye.

How'd you do that?

Just keep 'em wide open and think about something that makes you sad.

They're probably tying their shoes.

- That's what it always is. - I can't sit here all day.

I thought you could park anywhere.

Betty, I'm not an ambulance. We're double-parked.

Man: What do you think you're doing, pal?

Okay. Jesus.

Just go get 'em. I'll circle.

The doorman said you were downstairs.

- Where's Megan? - I don't know. In the bathroom.

Hurry up, get everybody.

Bobby, Gene, mom's here.

Come on.

Oh!

Uh, we were waiting.

And they buzzed you.

Henry's double-parked.

I'm sorry. I've lost track of the time.

Don's late.

This is quite an apartment.

Thank you.

I think you've seen most of it.

- Sally: Bobby, come on. - I'll go get them.

Daddy was supposed to bring the colored pencils.

I'll buy you some. Let's go.

Okay, goodbye.

Bye.

This is irritating.

I'll see you in two weeks.

Betty: Goodbye.

A trail of Sno Balls leading to bigger sales.

A frozen machine that makes money for vendors.

Now, if it's for the customers, the kids,

do they get to work the machine?

Find out.

A snowman...

On the beach.

A Sno Ball's chance in hell.

They don't melt.

They're refreshing for the damned.

They're sinful.

The Sno Ball is the sin

that gets you into hell.

They're sinfully delicious.

Jesus, not bad.

Just put gene to bed. I'll be right up.

Everyone loves the cartoons in the New Yorker.

And I thought we could do that kind

with the guy crawling across the Sahara dying of thirst--

The long beard, the tattered shirt.

Only there's four guys

and each one has a thought bubble above him.

"Water, water,

water, Sno Ball."

- What's the line? - Doesn't need one.

Well, if you want to stay with the New Yorker thing,

maybe some kind of cryptic joke.

- I already have the joke. - Okay. Your turn.

Ahem. As much as I hate following another comedian,

Sno Ball, because it's for kids,

demands a big, loud joke.

"Hit me in the face with a Sno Ball" is the tag.

And the picture is someone getting hit in the face with a snowball.

Not the drink, an actual round, white, messy snowball.

And when I say someone, I mean a cop,

school teacher with glasses, businessman, Indian chief.

Anybody kids hate. And maybe a pig.

- ( Laughs ) - Why a pig?

I don't know, but everybody laughed.

Great, so that's a way to go.

I agree.

Also, Sno Ball comes with its own slogan

because when you think of a snowball,

there's a 90% chance you think of its chance in hell.

Oh, right. That's true.

So I picture this devil

with a mischievous smile on his face,

sipping a Sno Ball in front of the flames of hell.

The cup is beading with condensation.

And in your head you hear his voice,

"Yes, even me."

Wow.

That's actually good.

I'm glad I could surprise you.

No, it's just damn impressive

you could not write for so long and come back with that.

- It's good to know. - Thank you.

- It's great. - I'm working on the line.

I'll do the rest of it. That's the easiest part to change.

So let's run with both of these.

May I?

Judy Steckler, half-pound loss.

That's so good. We both had a good week.

I don't know what happened.

I just wasn't that hungry this week.

Oh, stop it. You're here. You came.

This meeting can start to define what is a good week

and a bad week in our lives.

But there are good weeks and bad weeks

for thin people, too.

Coming to weight watchers is not just a chance

to feel better about yourself.

It's a chance to share so that if, for example,

you're someone like me, you don't stuff yourself

just to keep from telling your family your problems.

How was your week, everybody?

Betty?

Uh, well,

I had a bad week out there

after having a good week in here.

Could you stand up, sweetheart?

Uh...

I, you know, had a...

A very trying experience.

I was in an unfamiliar place

and I saw--

Felt a lot of things I wish I hadn't.

And I lost a half a pound.

And I feel like I should pat myself on the back

because it was really hard.

We always talk about our goal in pounds,

but that's not all it is, is it?

Thank you, Betty.

Anyone else? Katherine with a "K."

Burke Devlin will never be a stranger in Collinsport. Just do what you're told.

But the way he looks at Vicky-- I know what that means.

Who was she to him, Mr. Collins?

I've heard her name too many times.