Caprice Italian Style (Capriccio all'italiana)

FANCY ITALIAN STYLE

THE NURSEMAID

Children!

Are you doing something NOT GOOD?

Are you reading comics? They're awful!

Are these comics?

"Diabolik"!

"Satanik"!

"Kriminal"!

It's awful! It's really awful!

Did you read this during my absence?

I can barely restrain my pain.

You shouldn't read these magazines,

full of violence, immorality, fear and terror!

This is NOT GOOD! Away!

If you like to read or listen to stories,

I, Trude, have some stories written by the good, old Perrault.

Do you know Perrault? Come.

- And Alessandro? - Alessandro, come here.

Come and read these nice stories.

- I threw it away. - Well done.

Come and listen to this nice fairy tale,

not those awful comics.

Do you want me to read you the story of Little Red Riding Hood?

- Yes. - Yes. - There's a wolf,

with big ears who eats her old granny.

Or the story of Little Tom Thumb. Do you know it?

- I do. - I don't.

Little Tom Thumb's father was a poor woodcutter,

and they had nothing to eat.

So, he and his wife decided to get rid of their children

in the black, black forest!

During the night a storm breaks out.

Lightning, thunder and wind!

Little Tom Thumb and his brothers were very scared.

They walk and walk and walk and come to a little house.

Whose house was that?

The ogre's!

An ogre that used to butcher all the children and eat them.

The ogre comes back home; he smells something strange,

and he says:

"I can smell little boys' fresh flesh!"

Little Tom Thumb and his brothers hid under the sideboard. They started to tremble.

Their teeth were chattering...

out of fear.

The ogre comes closer, he bends down,

he draws a big knife,

he reaches under the sideboard with his big hand,

ready to butcher and eat the children, like chicken!

Why are you crying? This is a nice story by Perrault!

THE SUNDAY MONSTER

- Your villa must be beautiful. - Yes, baby, you'll see.

There's a small living room, a small kitchen,

and a big, big bed; You can "WalloW" in it.

That bed was made especially for "WALLOWING".

Look out!

Would you give us a can of gas?

Yes, but only if you use it to set yourself on fire.

- What have we done? - Nothing!

Cut your hair, you're disgusting! we can't see if youre men or women!

I'd kill you all!

Gangway!

- Where are you going? You're crazy! - You scoundrel!

- You could have run them over! - That's what I wanted to do!

Hippies are just beetles and I'm used to crushing beetles!

No, beetles are bugs, "beats" means something else.

They're all bugs to me, dirty and gross,

and I'll crush them as I crush beetles.

Help! Stop!

- It's time to have some fun! - He deserves it!

Do you need anything?

You left me alone like an idiot to stay with those two "creatures".

- What's wrong with that? - It's bad!

You'd rather stay with them and I cut my hair twice a week.

We just sang together!

- How much do you want for giving us a ride? - Are you kidding?

- Thanks, then.. - No, we have to thank you for inviting us to eat.

But... Just a second... You, "creatures"!

Just a second, stop everybody! Stop!

I'd like to know who invited you to eat.

Your little nephew.

My nephew! What in the world were you thinking, inviting these "creatures"?

It's noon; Joe and Ringo have to eat.

At noon Joe and Ringo have to eat at my house?

Come on, they've been very kind, don't be so grumpy.

I won't let those two bums inside my house - no offense!

Absolutely not! They will have to step on my corpse first!

Stop! It's in your interest, stop!

- What are you doing? - He can't go around carrying all those bugs:

Fleas, mice, cockroaches, beetles... My God!

- Enough! - This is what you need to get rid of them.

I'm setting you free. I'm going to find the other one now.

Where's that scoundrel?

Where are you? Damn bum!

What are you doing with those records?

- Are you crazy? - Why, are these records?

What are they? Trash? Crap? You tell me.

This stuff is useless. Verdi, Bach, Beethoven...

Beethoven, Verdi, Bach - that's all rubbish to you?

- I'll smash your head! - This stuff is useless with women.

What do women have to do with records?

- What did you use to do with women? - What did we use to do?

Send me your sister, I'll explain it to her!

Isn't your nephew enough?

First of all, that's not my nephew, she's...

You need music to create the right mood with women.

Do you play "La Traviata" for your nephew?

And what would you play, a military march?

You're making me laugh! You want to teach me how to conquer women!

Me! I have 50 years of service!

Honored service; I even earned a Medal of Honor!

Here comes the hippie and he wants to be the teacher! Get out of here!

As you wish, but you need our music to get the girls excited!

Enough!

That's enough!

- Ringo. - What is it? - It's ready!

Spaghetti, made by my own hands.

Are you crazy? All this stuff? Are you starving?

A little bit for everyone.

- This would be enough for an army. - They're coming.

- Who, the soldiers? - Here they are.

- Where are these Neanderthals coming from? - Rome; they're always ready to eat for free.

- Who told them they could eat here? - I did. I called them.

I feel like punching you!

Damned hippies! Striking you here would be too dangerous!

I'll outsmart you and strike you elsewhere!

Kid, as I told you, life is life and it's meant for the living.

On the contrary, death is death and it's meant for the dead.

- Were you close to anyone who's dead? - No. - Too bad.

Why?

I would have offered you many.

- Many what? - Condolences.

- You haven't been to confession for a long time, have you? - That's right.

I don't want to hear it!

- Would you like to cleanse your soul and your head! - Yes.

Come with me, son, I'll cleanse you.

Another hippie missing. The series of mysterious disappearances of "beatniks" continues.

Official police bulletin: the crime perpetrator is a MONSTER.

There!

May I?

It's marble!

- Are you foreigners? - No, we are from Rome. - Too bad!

- Do you have a car? - No. - I do.

It's very small, but it's like a big living room.

Follow me.

Follow me.

Two more HIPPIES missing.

- Chief, please tell us... - Just a moment!

You journalists are too demanding!

I can't promise you he'll be arrested tomorrow, but we're making progress.

- Have you found out who he is? - Not yet.

But certeinly he's a sadist, a sexual maniac.

Hey handsome.

You, black-haired beauty!

- Who, me? - Yes.

- Did you call me? - No.

No? I thought you did!

- You thinked wrong. - "Thinked"! How funny!

- What beautiful hair! Is it real? - Sure.

I thought it was a wig!

- No. - And who styles it?

- I do it myself. - Really?

Why don't you come to my barb... hairdresser, Alfonso?

He's great.. Is it far? - No, it's very close, at my house.

Come with me, I'll tell him to give you a discount.

- Don't tremble.. I'm not trembling. - Honey, are you single?

Four more victims of the monster. Four hippies mysteriously missing.

Attention: the sadistic criminal is believed to disguise himself in various baffling ways.

He could be anyone!

- Do you like bagpipes? - Yes, why?

If you want to learn how to play, I'll teach you.

Come to my house, everybody,

I'll give some lessons to each of you.

- I'd like to go. - Yes, let's go.

He's the monster! Run!

Son of a whore, come back!

You hippie, you figured everything out!

Excellency, we got him! He's here in front of me.

What does he look like?

Like a monster.

At your command. We'll make him confess.

- You'll see! - No attorney in Italy will be able to get you out.

I'll call Perry Mason.

Silence, you criminal! Are you trying to deny it?

- I'm not. - So it was you! - Yes. - He confessed!

- When did he confess? - Right now! - I didn't hear.

- Can you repeat it? - Should I write the transcript? - Yes.

- Just a moment. First the victims... - The victims?

- There's the monster! - It's him! Murderer!

- Where are we going? - Take the Salaria route; I'll explain everything.

- You must give us many explanations. - As many as you want!

Go.

He told us about a ditch, but this is a hut!

He wanted to mislead the law!

- Where are the corpses? There. - But they are alive!

It was him!

- What are you doing here? - We fainted and woke up in a ditch,

and we hid here. - So you didn't kill them!

I'm no murderer!

I just want to punish this kind of behavior.