The Eric Andre Show

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, "THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"!

"THE ERIC ANDRE SHOW"! >>

>>

>>

UGGGGH.

UGGGGH. SO, UH, CAUGHT AN EPISODE OF

SO, UH, CAUGHT AN EPISODE OF "THE WALKING DEAD" THE OTHER

SO, UH, CAUGHT AN EPISODE OF "THE WALKING DEAD" THE OTHER DAY.

"THE WALKING DEAD" THE OTHER DAY. YOU GUYS SEEN THIS SHOW?

DAY. YOU GUYS SEEN THIS SHOW? I SAID, "UM, WHAT IS THIS?

YOU GUYS SEEN THIS SHOW? I SAID, "UM, WHAT IS THIS? ME BEFORE MY MORNING COFFEE?"

I SAID, "UM, WHAT IS THIS? ME BEFORE MY MORNING COFFEE?"

ME BEFORE MY MORNING COFFEE?"

UH-OH. THERE HE IS.

UH-OH. THERE HE IS. THERE'S HANNIBAL.

THERE'S THE MAN. 100 GRAND.

HOW'S THE WIFE? HOW'S THE KIDS, BUDDY? >> WIFE IS GOOD. KIDS ARE GREAT.

HOW'S THE KIDS, BUDDY? >> WIFE IS GOOD. KIDS ARE GREAT. >> AH, I LOVE THOSE KIDS.

>> WIFE IS GOOD. KIDS ARE GREAT. >> AH, I LOVE THOSE KIDS. THOSE ARE SOME TASTY-ASS KIDS,

>> AH, I LOVE THOSE KIDS. THOSE ARE SOME TASTY-ASS KIDS, HUH?

THOSE ARE SOME TASTY-ASS KIDS, HUH? REAL LIP-LICKERS, THOSE KIDS,

HUH? REAL LIP-LICKERS, THOSE KIDS, RIGHT?

REAL LIP-LICKERS, THOSE KIDS, RIGHT? MMM!

RIGHT? MMM! I WANT TO DEVOUR THEM.

MMM! I WANT TO DEVOUR THEM.

I WANT TO DEVOUR THEM. >>

>> >> OHH.

>> >> OHH.

>> OHH.

OH, MAN.

OH, MAN. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I WANT TO DO?

OH, MAN. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I WANT TO DO? I WANT TO PENETRATE YOUR WIFE.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I WANT TO DO? I WANT TO PENETRATE YOUR WIFE. WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP,

I WANT TO PENETRATE YOUR WIFE. WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP.

WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP, WHOMP. LITERALLY.

WHOMP, WHOMP. LITERALLY. >>

LITERALLY. >> >> OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND

>> >> OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAINST HER WILL!

>> OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAINST HER WILL!

OVER AGAINST HER WILL! >>

>>

>> U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

HI. CAN I HOLD YOUR BABY?

>> HE DON'T WANT.

>> NO? OKAY.

>> HA HA.

I'M NOT GRABBING PEOPLE'S

BABIES.

>> CAN I HOLD ALL YOUR BABIES?

HEE HEE HEE.

>> I DON'T WANT TO DISRUPT

FAMILY TIME.

>> CAN I HOLD YOUR BABY?

YAY!

>>

>> YAY!

>> I DON'T EVEN LIKE TALKING TO

PEOPLE DURING THE DAYTIME.

>> HOW MANY BABIES YOU GOT SO

FAR?

>> IT'S NOT MY TYPE OF GAME.

MAYBE ERIC IS A WARMER SOUL THAN

ME.

ERIC IS JUST LOUDER. THAT'S ALL.

>> EXCUSE ME.

CAN I HOLD YOUR BABY?

>> NO!

>> I DON'T LIKE

THIS BIT, MAN.

I HATE THIS BIT. I HATE IT.

I'M DONE. I'M DONE. I'M DONE WITH THE BIT. >> I FEEL GOOD.

I'M DONE WITH THE BIT. >> I FEEL GOOD. >> I MADE A KID CRY.

>> I FEEL GOOD. >> I MADE A KID CRY. WE'RE GOING TO HELL.

>> I MADE A KID CRY. WE'RE GOING TO HELL. WE'RE GOING TO HELL.

WE'RE GOING TO HELL. WE'RE GOING TO HELL.

WE'RE GOING TO HELL. OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS RYAN PHILLIPPE!

OKAY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS RYAN PHILLIPPE!

ALL RIGHT! YES!

HOW ARE YOU DOING? >> I'M GREAT, MAN. THANK YOU. >> NICE.

>> I'M GREAT, MAN. THANK YOU. >> NICE. I WANT TO TALK -- YOU'RE FROM

>> NICE. I WANT TO TALK -- YOU'RE FROM DELAWARE ORIGINALLY!

I WANT TO TALK -- YOU'RE FROM DELAWARE ORIGINALLY!

DELAWARE ORIGINALLY! >> I'M FROM DELAWARE!

>> I'M FROM DELAWARE! >> YEAH, YE--

>> I'M FROM DELAWARE! >> YEAH, YE-- UH, "GOSFORD PARK"!

>> YEAH, YE-- UH, "GOSFORD PARK"! >> YEAH!

UH, "GOSFORD PARK"! >> YEAH! >> YOU WERE IN THAT MOVIE!

>> YEAH! >> YOU WERE IN THAT MOVIE! >> I WAS!

>> YOU WERE IN THAT MOVIE! >> I WAS! >> CONGRATS ON THAT!

>> I WAS! >> CONGRATS ON THAT! >> WHAT?!

>> CONGRATS ON THAT! >> WHAT?! >> CONGRATULATIONS!

>> WHAT?! >> CONGRATULATIONS! >> THANK YOU, MAN!

>> CONGRATULATIONS! >> THANK YOU, MAN!

>> THANK YOU, MAN! ARE THEY GONNA -- ARE THEY GONNA

ARE THEY GONNA -- ARE THEY GONNA COOL IT DOWN OR WHAT?!

ARE THEY GONNA -- ARE THEY GONNA COOL IT DOWN OR WHAT?! >> NAME ALL THE ACTRESSES YOU'VE

COOL IT DOWN OR WHAT?! >> NAME ALL THE ACTRESSES YOU'VE EVER SLEPT WITH!

>> NAME ALL THE ACTRESSES YOU'VE EVER SLEPT WITH! JUST RATTLE THEM OFF!

EVER SLEPT WITH! JUST RATTLE THEM OFF!

JUST RATTLE THEM OFF! EVERY SINGLE ONE!

EVERY SINGLE ONE! GO! TOP 10!

EVERY SINGLE ONE! GO! TOP 10!

GO! TOP 10! >> GOOD JOB, GUYS. GREAT JOB.

>> GOOD JOB, GUYS. GREAT JOB. >> OKAY.

>> GOOD JOB, GUYS. GREAT JOB. >> OKAY. UH, JU-- YOU THINK I SHOULD

>> OKAY. UH, JU-- YOU THINK I SHOULD JOIN LinkedIn?

UH, JU-- YOU THINK I SHOULD JOIN LinkedIn? >> LinkedIn...UM...

JOIN LinkedIn? >> LinkedIn...UM... WELL, IT DEPENDS ON, UH...

>> LinkedIn...UM... WELL, IT DEPENDS ON, UH... ARE -- ARE -- DO YOU FEEL LIKE

WELL, IT DEPENDS ON, UH... ARE -- ARE -- DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE PROFESSIONALLY IN THE

ARE -- ARE -- DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE PROFESSIONALLY IN THE RIGHT SORT OF PLACE OR WHERE YOU

YOU'RE PROFESSIONALLY IN THE RIGHT SORT OF PLACE OR WHERE YOU WANT TO BE OR...

RIGHT SORT OF PLACE OR WHERE YOU WANT TO BE OR... >> YOU STILL GOT YOUR FORESKIN?

WANT TO BE OR... >> YOU STILL GOT YOUR FORESKIN? >> NO.

>> YOU STILL GOT YOUR FORESKIN? >> NO.

>> NO. >> I JUST GOT MINE OFF A FEW

>> I JUST GOT MINE OFF A FEW MONTHS AGO.

>> I JUST GOT MINE OFF A FEW MONTHS AGO. >> OY.

MONTHS AGO. >> OY. >> OY.

>> OY. >> OY. I DID IT REAL FREEHAND WITH A

>> OY. I DID IT REAL FREEHAND WITH A CREDIT CARD, TOO.

I DID IT REAL FREEHAND WITH A CREDIT CARD, TOO. FSHH!

CREDIT CARD, TOO. FSHH! >> OH.

FSHH! >> OH. >> I HAVEN'T HAD SEX SINCE.

>> OH. >> I HAVEN'T HAD SEX SINCE. I'M UNABLE TO MASTURBATE.

>> I HAVEN'T HAD SEX SINCE. I'M UNABLE TO MASTURBATE. I'M COMPLETELY BACKED UP.

I'M UNABLE TO MASTURBATE. I'M COMPLETELY BACKED UP. I LOST MY JOB.

I'M COMPLETELY BACKED UP. I LOST MY JOB. I LOST MY LICENSE.

I LOST MY JOB. I LOST MY LICENSE. I WAS SLEEPING IN THE SHOWER

I LOST MY LICENSE. I WAS SLEEPING IN THE SHOWER STANDING UP, LIKE A HORSE.

I WAS SLEEPING IN THE SHOWER STANDING UP, LIKE A HORSE. >> YEAH, YOU BUMMIN' US OUT, YO.

STANDING UP, LIKE A HORSE. >> YEAH, YOU BUMMIN' US OUT, YO. IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ERIC.

>> YEAH, YOU BUMMIN' US OUT, YO. IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ERIC. IT'S ABOUT THE GUESTS.

IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ERIC. IT'S ABOUT THE GUESTS. IT'S ABOUT THIS SHOW.

IT'S ABOUT THE GUESTS. IT'S ABOUT THIS SHOW. >> WELL, I'VE BEEN THROUGH A

IT'S ABOUT THIS SHOW. >> WELL, I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT.

>> WELL, I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT. I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT.

LOT. I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT. FAME IS -- FAME IS, UH...

I'VE BEEN THROUGH A LOT. FAME IS -- FAME IS, UH... FLEETING, YOU KNOW?

FAME IS -- FAME IS, UH... FLEETING, YOU KNOW? IT'S -- IT'S NOT EASY.