Drowning by Numbers

One, Antares, two, Capella.

Three, Canopus, four, Arcturus.

Five, Agreetor, six, Anektor.

Seven, Duendin, eight, Algerib.

Nine, Agena, 10, Lalandry.

11, Vega, 12, Golubin.

13, Spirro, 14, Capra.

15, Acrab, 16, Deneb.

17, Sapho, 18, Castor.

19, Pollux, 20, Storcha.

21, Algano, 22, Spira.

23, Salcis, 24, Hoytan.

25, Luper, 26, MacKay.

27, Regulus, 28, Eiridani.

29, Tenna, 30, Riga.

31, Cursa, 32, Thuba.

33, Mett, 34, Mack.

35, Mez, 36, Lap.

37, Zed, 38, Diss.

39, Bolse, 40, Daron.

41, Jeannus, 42, Touros.

43, Plin, 44, Paul.

45, Broma, 46, Branca.

47, Bellatrix, 48, Mirach.

49, Almach, 50, Caff.

51, Corboda, 52, Ceti.

53, Cruzer, 54, Spira.

55, Schredder, 56, Abiera.

57, Dipda, 58, Kracklite.

59, Salcis, 60, Okkra.

61, Bolstar, 62, Beastal.

63, Procis, 64, Salamon.

65, Groombridge, 66, Betelguese.

67, Stobart, 68, Gobin.

69, Adnam, 70, Boston.

71, Scheet, 72, Nath.

73, Stratt, 74, Kriss.

75, Bosch, 76, Louis.

77, Borick, 78, Crupel.

79, Indi, 80, Smeltzer.

81, Crucis, 82, Banka.

83, Altair, 84, Nollar.

85, Schrader, 86, Fabriticus.

87, Lucius, 88, Kuellar.

89, Kitaj, 90, Bethal.

91, Britius, 92, Colcis.

93, Centaur, 94, Sopul.

95, Jonah, 96, Vierny.

97, Ritback, 98, Rostra.

99, Procyon and 100, Elektra.

What are you doing up so late?

I'm counting the stars.

Do you really know all their names?

Yes, I do.

How many did you count?

100.

There are more than 100.

I know.

Why did you stop?

100 is enough.

Once you've counted 100,

all the other hundreds are the same.

Take your clothes off, girl.

My name's Nellie

and there's not room in that bath for two of us.

Who says two's going in it?

I'm surprised you haven't got a proper bath.

I like a tin bath.

Take that light further off.

What are you frightened of?

Ashamed I might see your underwear?

Or aren't you wearing any?

Wait!

Oh, ooh, ooh!

I'm cold standing here!

I want a bath too!

There's one outside under the apple tree.

Moonlight, good for the complexion.

Men, though, want sex.

Three, four, five, six.

Oh.

Wee!

Ah!

Oh, Cissie!

Oh, oh, oh-ho-ho.

We've been using your soap.

Hey, it's her birthday today,

and I took her out to celebrate.

Why don't you wish her happy birthday, Cissie?

She's as naked as a newborn babe.

Nothing wrong with that, is there, Cissie?

You're not supposed to be here.

You're supposed to be playing cards!

Oh, backgammon, newmarket and whist,

then two in a row, three in a bed, four in hand,

five-card stud, along with your friend

Madgett!

Hey, get a towel, Cissie. She's drunk too much.

If you play the cards right, Cissie.

Oh, well, you can get your clothes off and come in here too!

I've had a wash, I've had a wash.

She gave me one.

Nancy can-

One.

I've had a wash already, Cissie, Nancy gave it to me.

Two.

Nancy gave it to me. Let's play a game.

Three.

Smut!

Smut!

Smut!

Get up and answer the phone!

"In the game of Dawn Card-Castles,

52 playing cards are stacked up into a castle

in a draft-free space.

The player can determine the dreams of the next night,

if he awakes before the castle collapses.

Those players who wish to dream of romance

build their castles with the seven of hearts."

He's put a lot of weight on recently.

Shh!

You'll wake him and he'll want to eat.

The only time he stops eating is when he's asleep.

Is it warm enough for this?

Yes.

I phoned Madgett, he didn't answer.

What did you want to do that for?

I've just drowned Jake.

Do all fat men have little penises?

- Huh! I don't know, mother. I've not known...

What do you mean?

When you first met Hardy, did he have a mustache?

What do you mean you've just drowned Jake?

I don't like the beard.

No, neither do I.

I'm trying to persuade him to shave it off.

What do you mean you've just drowned Jake?

Yes, I need your help to move her.

What? Move who?

Nancy.

Nancy who?

Nancy Gill. She calls herself Nel, but-

What has she got to do with it?

Have you drowned her too?

He doesn't smell very fresh, does he?

He looks pregnant. I like these creases.

Mother!

We better phone Madgett again.

Perhaps he can help us.

"Us", mother?

One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10!

"The game Flights of Fancy or Reverse Strip Jump

is played from as high a jumping point

as a competitor will dare.

After each successful jump,

the competitor is allowed to put on an article of clothing.

Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10!

Damn!

What are we going to say if we meet someone?

It depends who it is.

Morning, just taking Nancy home,

she popped round for a bath.

She could lose some weight.

Everyone seems to be getting fatter.

Jake must've thought things

were getting better all the time.

I was only 25 when your father died.

And plump enough.

Look at her thumbs.

Seamstress's thumbs, well turned.

Was Jake interested in thumbs?

Eh, not especially as I remember.

What's that?

Mother, are you going to sneeze?

No, I can smell something.

Oh, it's Smut.

Oh, Madgett must keep him from using that paint.

It makes such a mess.

What's the smell?

It's gunpowder. Smut's been celebrating, of course!

Ah!

It's still wet.

"Sheep are especially sensitive

to the exact moment of the turn of the tide.

In this game, nine tethered sheep react,

pull on the stakes,

jog the chairs and rattle the teacups."

Madgett, where the hell do you keep all these sheep?

Don't you like sheep?

Shoo them away if you don't like them.

"Bets are taken on the combined sensitivity

of any line of three sheep,

read vertically, horizontally or diagonally.

Since there are normally three tide turns every 24 hours,

it is normal practice to take the best of three results.

Reliable clocks, calendars and timetables

are used to determine the accuracy of the sheep's forecast."

Cissie, did you remember?

Yes.