Code Name: Dynastud

Are you?

Are you my contact?

Depends on who is asking.

I'm asking.

And that's all you need to know.

My name is--

Is Fredrich Gerlich.

And I meant what I said on the phone.

I am the best.

I can see that.

Leave the money on the table.

Which one do you want?

And welcome back to the 2024

Republican Presidential Debates,

brought to you by our sponsor, Crystal Clear,

America's leading coal refining organization.

Is this your first time?

Why would you think that?

My organization has bought many

of your politicians in the past.

Well, then.

You must have a lot of experience.

And if you don't, that's okay.

I don't judge.

I have my money,

and I can take it nice and slow.

- We are here in one of Crystal Clear's mines,

800 feet below ground,

with our top three candidates.

And tonight's debate will decide who will get the nod.

What should we, as a nation, do

about the homosexual menace?

Let's start with Governor Gary McMan.

In the last eight years,

we have finally moved out of the dark ages

of tolerance and diversity.

Homosexuals are no longer allowed to taint

the sacred bond of marriage,

nor are they allowed to be employed

as teachers or serve in our military.

And now, with Directive 48 in place,

sodomy is now a criminal offense.

Punishable by death.

But because this is a Christian nation,

I believe that's enough punishment for these poor devils.

So, I say, keep the laws as they stand.

Neither that one.

He appears to have the intelligence

of a Belgian peanut farmer.

- And same question to Congressman Kellogg,

and that's a mighty fine hat

you're wearing there, Congressman.

Well, shoot.

Thank you there, Kelly.

Now, I must echo the words of my good friend, Gary.

We are a Christian nation,

so we need to show mercy on these poor bastards,

but if they obey the law, then maybe,

just maybe we can help these poor son of a bitches

rejoin society eventually,

but not in my neighborhood.

No, no.

He reminds too much of my father.

He was a raper of sheep!

And finally, to Senator Teddy Hightower.

- These two fuckin' guys are queer for each other.

And that's my answer for what we should do

about the homosexual menace in this country.

How about that one?

He looks a reptile!

Teddy Hightower.

Excellent choice.

Now,

shall we

seal the deal?

How do we do that?

Like this.

How did you do that?

Now.

I want to see that two bit tux hit the floor.

)

Take it, bitch.

Here I come!

Mission accomplished.

Please send next assignment.

Room service!

Could you please send up a maid?

I know they're not due until morning,

but this one mess, I'm sure,

they're gonna want a headstart on.

Be right with ya, kid.

What are ya in for tonight?

What have you got?

Oh, Bartholomew.

It's you.

You want a blue pin.

That's right.

Please, call me Bart.

- You let me know when you decide to try red.

Got me?

Oh, you'll be the first to know, Zelda.

What are ya havin', Bart?

Vodka soda.

I'll get that for ya, boy.

Comin' right up.

Thank you very much, sir.

That's very kind.

- Anything for a cute little guy like you, sailor.

My name is Bart.

I haven't seen you here before.

you come here often, Bart?

Not as often as I like.

I've come here often.

You want to join me in the back room?

Help me come again?

You're so hot.

You want this?

Yeah.

It's all yours, boy.

Ah, it's just with my daughter.

It is so stupid.

She can't keep her panties on!

She'll fuck any guy that looks at her cross-eyed.

She has no concept of the reality

that this will make me look bad

right before the election!

- You better lock that down before she gets prego.

Don't you think I know that?

I have to find some way to get Patty married off

before she gets knocked up.

Is it really that big a deal?

Yes, it is.

She's fucked two of the gardeners,

done anal with my accountant,

laid the Utah Jazz,

and Friday, she blew the chauffer.

Blew the chauffer?

That's just bad taste.

Poor girl.

She's just too easily led.

She can't walk out the door without accidentally

catching a random panoply of dicks.

And worse, she likes it.

- And honestly, she's not even that good at it.

Did you fuck my daughter, too?

No!

I mean, I thought you knew!

For God's sakes, you can't trust anyone

not to butter your daughter's muffin.

You didn't fuck her, did you?

No, no, no, not a chance.

Good.

Then you can give me some advice.

- Advice? - Yes.

How do I find a man to marry my daughter?

Someone I can control.

Why don't you just pay a guy?

Common gigolo for my daughter?

I don't think so.

Besides, once those guys get a taste of money,

they won't be stopped.

No, I need someone dumb and unambitious.

What about a prisoner?

You let them go, they owe you everything.

Plus, built-in blackmail.

Prisoner, huh?

That idea has promise.

Yes!

Yes!

Ah, there's the magic!

Yeah!

Hey, do you want me to swallow?

No!

Get it all over your face!

Oh, I'm gonna shoot!

Yeah.

Was that good for you?

Kid, you're under arrest.

The evidence is all over ya.

You want me to what?!

My daughter needs a husband.

A man to keep her in line.

You're familiar with Ephesians 5:22?

- "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's ass?"

No.

It's, "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands

"as you do to the Lord."

Yeah, I'm a flibberty-jibbit.

Shut your hole, Patty, daddy's talking.

You see, she needs a man's hand to keep her in line.

Don't flinch!