The Swinging Cheerleaders

Ladies and gentlemen, here's Mesa State College,

coached by Fred Turner.

This year's Mesa State team look like they're on their way to a championship.

Buck, you were fantastic! Those little men didn't have a chance.

- Hey, Buck! Buck Murphy. - Did you like the game, Mr Putnam?

Never seen anything like it since the days I was playing.

You ran 'em into the ground.

Keep it up, and you don't have to worry about your future.

- Wasn't he marvellous, Daddy? - He was great!

Buck, give us an undefeated season and the school won't forget you.

I'll try, sir, but I only throw them. Ross Baker catches them.

Of course! Go get your shower. Ha-ha!

Hey, that's three times in a row. I think we got a winning team.

We need a new cheerleader.

Let's have try-outs this week. I'll post a notice in the student centre.

OK, good. Good idea. Let's go.

Great job, Turner. You got a winner this time.

Thanks, John. Couldn't have done it without alumni support.

You've got it. You just keep on winning!

Hey, wait, John.

You got a minute? I'd like to talk to you.

Sure, what's on your mind?

You know, this team is the best thing to hit this school in 30 years.

And just between you and me, we're heading for an undefeated season.

You don't have to tell me. I can see that.

What I really mean is there's no reason

why you and I can't win just as much as the team.

Do you, er, follow me?

Um, let's take a walk. Tell me what's on your mind.

Hit 'em high, hit 'em low! Hit 'em where the daisies grow.

Hit 'em... Kick 'em in the knees, kick 'em in the shin.

Hit 'em where the daisies grow.

Hit 'em so we can win! Yeah, Mesa!

Thank you, Margaret. That'll be all.

It was just awful. Don't you think so?

- Not too bad. - Seven out of ten.

Well, I hope we can do better than that.

Is this where I try out for the cheerleaders?

Buck, you silly thing! What are you doing here?

Just checking out the candidates, that's all.

Well, you just do your checking somewhere else and not here.

Next!

We want a victory and we're gonna get it!

We want a victory and we're gonna get it!

Yeah, team!

We want a victory and we're gonna get it!

We want a victory and we're gonna get it!

Go team! Yeah Mesa!

Thank you, sweetheart.

Thought I'd fall asleep.

Next, Kate Cory!

OK, sweetheart, give it your all now for Mesa State.

Ready? Hit it!

Ra-ra-ri! Kick 'em in the knee.

Ra-ra-ra! Kick 'em in the other knee.

And ra-ra-ri! Kick 'em in the knee.

Ra-ra-ra! Kick 'em in the other knee.

Ra-ra-ri! Kick 'em in the knee.

Ra-ra-ra! Kick 'em in the other knee.

Yeah, Mesa!

Number three, Margaret Williams.

She was very sincere. I vote yes.

Are you serious? I don't know.

Not enough pep. I vote no too.

OK, number four, Kate Cory.

She was dressed in those dirty cut-offs, for Pete's sake. I vote no.

She must have something. Buck had his eye on her.

He did not!

Besides, that wouldn't influence my vote anyway.

I still vote no.

She had all the moves. She must have practised.

- She had plenty of pep. - Yeah.

She moved really nicely and she had a great smile.

That was very insincere. She was just teasing us with her vulgar attitude.

Buck didn't think so.

Buck isn't voting!

I vote no, no, no!

- I vote yes. - I vote yes.

Then that's it. Kate Cory is our new cheerleader.

I did it, Ron.

Ron, I did it.

Terrific! You did what?

You are looking at Mesa State's new cheerleader.

- New what? - Cheerleader, dummy.

You know, ra-ra!

Are you crazy or something? You must have flipped out.

Cheerleaders are nowhere, baby.

- It is guerrilla warfare, Ron. - Guerrilla warfare.

You see, I need a topic for my journalism term paper.

So I started thinking.

What is the most exploited, demeaning activity on campus?

- Cheerleading. - Right on.

I'll get my cheerleading costume today, practise in the morning,

and begin my paper in the afternoon.

They will never know what hit 'em.

An undercover cheerleader for the underground press.

Beautiful!

If it's good I'll edit it myself and put it in a special edition.

What is that?

This is a relic of the nearly forgotten past.

Very cleverly engineered to hold you together when you jump up and down.

Come here. Let me see that thing.

Now, also a cheerleader must not be a loose and immoral woman.

Hey, how did you know how to do that?

There really is something to this stuff. It's such a turn-on to take it off.

Yeah? I bet they had a lot of fun in Queen Victoria's time,

what with all those lace petticoats and girdles and things.

Yeah, maybe you ought to dress up like this sometime and we'll get high.

OK. You've got to wear a cod piece.

And I've got to see you...

- ...in a cod piece. - Oh, my cod, my cod!

- Mm. - Cheerleader, huh?

- Yeah. - That's pretty far out.

- There is one thing, though. - Yeah? What's that?

Ah, I have to move into the dorm.

- Into the dorm? - Yes.

To do my research, don't you see?

It's just for the duration of the term paper.

And I will do all of my work here.

- And all your play. - Right here.

If you eat that by yourself, I'll give you another one free.

Great. I could eat it on the way to the hospital.

Are you sure you want that beer, darling?

I mean, you should really lose a few pounds before Saturday.

Dig in, sports fans.

Do you know where Ross is? He said he'd be here.

Don't worry. He'll be here.

- Meet you in the middle. - Buck, you're so evil.

What do you think, Kate? Am I evil?

That depends on what your next move is.

Buck, you're terrible.

Isn't it awful the way these football players take liberties?

They must think they're heroes, the way they carry on.

Remember, you can't treat ladies the same way

you treat football players on the field.

Where's she running off to? You'd think she didn't enjoy our company.

- Hi. - Sorry.

- I'm behind schedule about two hours. - For what? The Miss America contest?

I've got a date. With Ross Baker.

Ah, yes, the star football player.

How natural.

You do this for every date, Andrea?

How do you have time for anything else?

Ross wants me to look good, so I've got to look good, right?

My God, I'm out of eyeliner.

- Lisa, can I use your eyeliner? - Coming up.

I bet he'd like you a lot better without this iron maiden.

- You mean my bra? - Ever thought of going without it?

No. What would Ross think?

If Ross has the same basic equipment as other men I know, he will love it.

I know that. He always take it off anyway later. I mean, in public.

- Hi Kate. Welcome to the madhouse. - Hi Lisa, thanks.

I'm just trying to liberate Andy here from her bra

in the interests of higher education.

It seems she is way ahead of me in that.

Only in ambition.

Honey, we've all been trying to get this kid laid for quite a while.

She seems to have something against it.

- Come on, Lisa. - You mean she has never 'done it'?

I just never found the right guy, that's all.

I'm willing, I think.

What's the matter with this Ross character?

Looks like he knows his way around a... computer program.

Actually, he is a little shy.

It's not that he doesn't try. He just gets me to a certain point.

Then I just can't go any further. I don't know why, I just can't.

I think I have just the thing for you.

Here.

If this doesn't do the trick, you should trade your halfback in for a newer model.

Come on, Andy. She's right.

This might be the night.

Got news for you, Ross.

You'll never get off the ground without feathers.

Won't be the first time.

Hey, Stud. Haven't you made it with the virgin queen yet?

Almost.

Almost? What do you mean, almost?

You're giving the whole team a bad name, Ross.

You've been dating Andrea for months.

Spending a lot of money and everything and you haven't even scored yet.

Tonight's the night. I'm sure of it.

Good. Positive thinking.

I'm going to let you in on one of my innermost secrets.

Now, instead of taking her out...

bring her here and cook dinner for her,

with some soft music, a little candlelight,

and a little wine to mellow her down.

It's an absolutely infallible method.

- Really? - It never misses.

- But I don't cook. - Neither can I. No problem.

I'll order you my special menu...

It will be delivered to your door, ready to eat.

All you have to do is splatter a little gravy on your apron and you're all set.

Hey, Buck.

I can't do that.

How bad do you want it?

Cordon bleu.

Cheers!

Cheers, Andy. Don't you want to toast?

May I have some wine?