Ringmaster

Mmm, baby.

Oh!

Oh, baby. Don't leave. Oh, shit!

I gotta go. No, I gotta go. I'm gonna be late.

Baby, look what you're-- I will make it up.

I'm gonna be late for work. I gotta go. Love ya. Gotta go.

Rusty, I don't want to look at it. I'm gonna be late.

You're looking at it. What am I gonna do now?

Why don't you take care of it? I will be back.

"Zorzak."

- Oh. - Sweet fucking Jesus!

What in the hell?

I didn't hear you knock. I guess I was in the can.

- Well that is what this is for. - Well you don't have to leave.

Phew.

He-ee-re comes Sparky!

Spark!

And they're off.

- Out of the box, down the backstretch-- - Come on, number four, number four!

That's four, two, three, six, five and eight next as they enter...

Aww, pass 'em!

In the front it's Red Ski, okay, number seven in the lead.

Four is next. That's one, two, three, six, eight, and eleven after that.

Hello.

They're lookin' for forklift operators over there in Durbin.

Just bring it home. I'll look at it. I'm watchin' TV.

- Hello? - Come on, Spark!

Rusty?

Hey, can I get a little something to eat over here?

- Go. Yes. - ...I'm tellin' ya but we got

three to the outside.

Number One Kansas Song moving up on the inside.

No!

- You always work the top floor, right? - Yeah. How'd you know?

My buddy told me to get a room on this floor

if I wanted to get me a "good morning" blow job.

- Really, who's your buddy? - Like you'd remember.

Asshole.

Hey, Angel.

You gonna let me in?

So I was thinking. Maybe we should just go on and do it.

You're serious. You're in the mood?

No, not that!

Why don't we just get married? Want to?

Maybe. All right.

I just wonder what it would be like.

Circled three of these.

Well, I mean, what is there to miss? Hear what I'm saying?

When it gets so bad, what is there really to miss?

Tell you about the situation I was in.

I helped him with this apartment, girl, and let me tell you...

- You at Willie's? - Yeah.

He put me out, me and my kids.

Brought home some chicken, if you want any.

All right.

Best for you to do is just go on about your business.

So, you movin' in with Willie or are you gonna find your own place?

I don't know!

God! I just got off of a ten-hour workday.

I don't feel like talking about that right now.

When you do that, right Nay-Nay, they come runnin' right to you.

And then if you get back with them, and then you humble up again and then it goes

right back to where it began.

You do it out of love and then get used to it.

You know, I just don't give in to it.

Which is why Hawaiian Tropic contains exotic oils, nuts, fruits, tropical flora.

Turn that off! I'm in no mood.

...number one islands around the world.

Hawaiian Tropic. Created by one man, Ron Rice, for one reason.

No one can resist a beautiful babe.

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

All right. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you.

'Cause when I see Laverne on that stage, first I'ma whip her ass.

And then I'm gonna tell the whole world that your dick is the size of a needle.

Do you hear me talkin' to ya? Do you hear me talkin' to ya?

Thank you very much. You are very nice.

Welcome to the show. We have a wild one for you today.

"I Got To Tell You, I Am Pregnant with Your Husband's Baby."

Oooh!

So let's meet Juanita and her husband, John. Come on out.

I'ma beat your ass.

Oh, I been wantin' to whip your ass for a long time.

Let me tell you somethin'. This is the size of his dick, baby.

I'm not talkin' about my nail. I'm talkin' about the pinky part.

And it feels like he's pokin' me with a coffee stirrer. Yeah, tiny dick boy!

Now that's what you are! Needle-dick man!

- Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! - Bring it home!

I'll whip your ass.

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Well although it's important for a woman

to have her sexual needs met during a marriage,

calling your husband needle-dick for 13 years...

probably isn't a good way to express your frustration.

Are you having an affair with your step daddy or know someone who is?

If so, please call...

1-800-555-3870.

That's 1-800-555-3870.

I'm gonna go to bed. Good night, honey.

You gonna be lookin' for an apartment tomorrow?

'Cause this trailer ain't big enough for the three of us.

No, wait till she goes to sleep.

She won't come out.

You did what with my husband?

You did what with my husband?

- What did you do with my-- - She's not gonna come out.

You did what with my husband...

in my own home?

In my own home? In my own home?

I can't believe I'm finding this out on national TV.

I can't believe I'm finding this out on national TV.

I can't believe it. I cannot believe...

I'm finding this out on national TV.

- You promised. - No, I didn't promise you shit.

You think you're God...

Come on.

No, wait till she, just-- Wait! Get--

Howdy do, Jerry? I'm Connie.

It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Jerry, how do you do?

I'm Connie. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

You're such a good-lookin' man.

Just, baby, I need it.

You don't need--

- Oh, baby. - "Oh, baby" what?

You're holdin' up just fine.

Yes, you are.

Just fine.

- Pump that shit, baby! - Yeah, baby. Ooh!

All right. Starletta.

You are calling in regards to...

"My Traitor Girlfriends," right?

Okay. So how do you know

that your friend is having sex with, uh, Demond?

'Cause I'm standin' in his living room

while he's gettin' him some sorry traitor ass.

Who you callin' a piece of sorry traitor ass?

I ain't even talking to you, little scurvy bitch!

It's the people from Jerry.

Damn! What you doin' in here, Starletta? How'd you get my key?

Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, Demond! I'm the one need to be askin' you all the questions.

Who you callin' a ho?

Put your hands on me, bitch. Come on.

Put your hands on me. I guarantee you 9-1-1 won't get here fast enough for your ass.

Come on!

- Don't believe that shit. - Demond, don't even be talkin' to her.

How you gonna let a piece of gristle, a piece of meat, come between us?

When you was walkin' down the street with a trail of blood behind your ass,

I bought your Kotex.

Cheap-ass Payless shoes broke-- You remember that shit?

I took you to a reputable store

so when we was together you would have something nice to wear on your feet.

But you don't remember that, do you?

So you went all natural with your hair, Erykah Badu shit.

When your hair fell out from that bad perm, I'm the one who bought the wig.

Vonda, I knew you was a snake,

but I ain't never thought you'd slip up in my man's house.

You up under my beat.

This is my shit!

You that motherfuckin' desperate you gotta

go out there and fuck every man you see that ain't yours?

You can get your shit and get the fuck out.

Get the fuck out!

I'ma let you live this time.

Do this shit again, they won't be able to find your ass.

Ho.

Y'all know where to reach me.

Right. Starletta, I'll let you know by the end of this week.

Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

Oh, God. Yes!

Dog.

Damn.