Fat Ass Zombies

- And do we have a peach of a day or not?

You know, it's my goal to get more jobs

to the people of this city than ever before.

Well, we have here the executive of Freedom Foods,

and we have them to thank for it,

so let's give them a big round of applause.

USA, USA, USA, USA!

Oh God, it's got teeth.

Oh my God, let me through.

- I forgot how to get-- - Better run, everybody.

You can't stay, you can't stay.

One pass and I'm done.

I can't see. - I can you.

You're ascared of me.

Oh, hello, Principal Johnson.

You just missed movie time.

Oh.

Alright, kids.

Have a great weekend.

I'll see you next week; one more week of fifth grade.

Try not to act, uh, too upset.

I just had to see for myself.

Congratulations, Sam?

This isn't exactly school curriculum.

- It's the second to last Friday of the school year.

I just thought I'd reward them

with something a little more fun.

- What's Sam deserve congratulating for?

- He finally got one of his films into a big film festival.

Oh!

Did he?

Oh, was it, Zombie Space Vikings?

Zombie Prom Night?

- There's something wrong with my face!

Shirley no!

- Or was it, uh, something with babies?

Zombie Abortion Apocalypse.

Zembryos attack!

Sweet revenge, sweet revenge!

Oh, oh, yeah that one, yeah.

- You have to admire his persistence.

- Dear, persistence can be a sign of insanity.

Hyyy-ya!

Easy.

- That, boys and girls, is our classic ninja

zombie kill move.

Well that's it for class today.

Parents, you should be proud of these little ninjas.

- And remember, next Tuesday is our home

invasion defense workshop.

- Yes parents, it's good practice

for those of you who do not want your kids kidnapped,

or raped, or raped by kidnappers.

- Kidnapping can really stunt a child's development.

Hell yeah.

* I can't buy you dinner

Popper, Popper!

Hey, what the shit?

I'll just, I'll just stay down here.

- You're gonna want to get up for this.

Oh, I'm up.

What can I help you with?

Steve Popolopsis?

My friends call me Popper.

What do they call you, baby?

Hot Pink?

- Oh you can call me whatever you like, Popper,

but you've been served.

Oh, shit.

Been served what?

A sexy-gram?

Fuckin' bitch.

I get that a bunch.

You have a nice day, Mr. Popper.

Popper don't preach, bro,

she done filed for D.

Shut up.

Shut up!

- Mr. Pentergass, we thank you

for your short film submission, Deadbeat Zombie Dad,

to the 2016 horror film fest.

We are sorry to inform you Deadbeat Zombie Dad

did not make our final lineup in the festival.

The truth is your movie is a steaming pile

of shitnuggets, with the production value

of a home video shot by a deaf,

blind amputee that is drunk on cheap gin.

Please consider quitting filmmaking altogether,

maybe concentrating on digging ditches full time.

Hopefully you'll perish in a fire

or contract genital herpes.

Warm regards, festival director Felecia Fugate.

- Sweetie, how's my little Scorsese?

Uh, yeah, mom, just a second.

Sweetheart, I want that letter

to put in your book.

- This is not a good time, alright?

- Honey, all your friends are here already.

You've gotta come out.

Now get your tail out here, you're being rude!

Hey.

- Hey. - Hey, congratulations.

Yeah, thanks for coming.

Course.

Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam.

Hey, Horatio.

Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam!

Well, I guess a congratulations is in order.

- Thank you. - Sam, Sam.

It is not that I don't--

'Scuse me, bro.

- Hey, man. - Guys look!

Stoner cam!

Hey that's awesome, man.

That's really cool.

It's great, it really was,

It's not that I don't like Zombie Dad,

it's just that it is lacking something.

It's just, it's lacking something.

How would one say?

It is...

It is complete shit, Sam.

It is complete and utter shit.

Because you casted amateurs, Sam.

Amateurs. - Oh, yeah.

- And I know that Ocean Spray has his Megacuts commercial,

I know that.

I know that but I-- - Yeah it's a good commercial.

It's a pretty good commercial,

I will say that.

But everybody else, Sam--

I'll be thinking

about you when I drop this deuce.

I've got a turtlehead saying let me out, let me out.

Move, bitch.

No, Tibo, I actually really--

- That was lovely, Tibo, thank you.

M-hmm.

- It is a wonder, Mr. Pentergass--

Yes.

- If you're even talented at all.

Great.

Thank you so much, Horatio.

Do you mind if I just kinda have my party?

I'm leaving now, Sam.

Okay.

Thanks, thanks for coming.

Awesome, Sam.

How you gonna get out of this one?

It's not like you can say, whoops, sorry,

I didn't actually read the letter.

- You're like a legit filmmaker now, bro!

We should team up, you know, make a movie,

like, what if like two guys travel across

the country on their motorcycles in search of America?

Yeah, man, um...

I think that's already might've already kinda

been done, but we can do something else--

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Alright, I got another one.

I got another one. - Okay, alright, yeah.

- Two guys. - Okay.

Wake up in the morning,

and their car is gone.

Yeah.

Yup.

- What was up with that cheer uniform today?

I saw you at the rally.

Shut it down...

- You were looking awfully cheerful.

- The new owners are making that place my prison.

Mmm.

- But I got paid one hundred bucks

to put on the costume.

Hiiya!

Oh!

Alright, alright.

- Oh. - Oh, okay.

Hey, hey baby.

Die, asshole.

Oh, asshole, sass, I dig.

You like to party?

You wanna play?

Mmm, yeah I wanna play.

You wouldn't get anywhere near

this unless I was dead, or dead.

You have poop on your shirt.

It's gross. - Hi, y'all!

I have some Freedom Cakes fresh from the factory.

Eat 'em all up!

I'm alright.

Thanks.

Aw, they're good.

You have a good time!

Thanks, Ms. Ecky.

I think I'm going to vomit.

Yeah, vomit.

- Sam, I, I had my kids make you cards.

Nice.

Thank you.