Hot in Cleveland

Now what?

Last time on "Hot in Cleveland..."

I got back together with my ex-husband and my ex-parrot.

Hello, bitch.

I got lucky with a handsome stranger.

I missed seeing the guy who stood me up at the altar.

Nobody knows they're the same guy.

Doughnuts! You're a saint.

I ate them all.

You bitch!

That was too strong.

I--I just really wanted a doughnut.

I just really wanted a doughnut.

He repeats everything I say.

They're emergency doughnuts.

I was up all night, obsessing about Kyle.

Joy's pathetic. She'll die alone.

Where does he get this stuff?

I texted Kyle, explaining why I didn't show up last night

and he texted back, "Maybe it's for the best."

What could that possibly mean?

That he thinks it's for the best.

But he said "maybe".

"Maybe it's for the best," which means, "maybe it wasn't."

And until I figure that out, I have no idea what to write back.

I'm sure you'll think of the right thing to say.

Joy will screw it up.

That's one bird's opinion.

Good morning. Guess why I am in men's clothes.

You went naked to see a guy, you slept with him,

and you borrowed his clothes.

Well in my mind, it didn't sound so cheap.

But in my defense, I did not sleep

with the man I got naked for.

I slept with another man.

That sounded even sluttier.

But we did click.

Well, if you're just getting in,

you must have clicked more than once.

I got back together with Max.

Elka, that's wonderful!

Congratulations.

Joy, how did it go with Kyle?

I just ate 12 doughnuts.

You bitch.

I'm sorry, I'm still mad.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

Good morning.

Hag alert, hag alert.

Oh, shut your seed hole.

What are you doing here?

I thought you were going to South America with Clark.

Oh, I was. And it was so exciting.

I was actually falling for him again.

But then he accused me of bringing too much luggage

and I said, "well that was never a problem"

for Ginger from Gilligan's Island."

And then he wanted to know, "where is this island?"

And I said, "well nobody knew, that was the whole point."

And then, long story short, he left me.

Oh, Victoria, I'm sorry.

Well, thank you.

But as is customary after a breakup,

I have revenged myself.

I have stolen one of Clark's rare spiders

whose poisonous venom instantly paralyzes you for a few hours.

Why would you take that?

Because it also tightens a woman's skin.

Why, just now, I accidentally brushed a fang

while milking her and... see?

Oh, it's as soft as a baby's bottom.

Tut-tut-tut, as a baby's poison bottom.

Here, go ahead and poke it. I can't feel a thing.

Oh, to not feel anything. I want that spider to bite me.

Well, interestingly, uh, the chances of that happening

have gone up significantly in the last half hour.

Don't you dare say a spider's loose.

There's a spider loose.

Well, I didn't say it.

Elka, Max's lake house is beautiful.

We should get our house fumigated more often.

Oh, please, I'm still in mourning.

We left that magical spider behind to die before its--

its contributions to skin care could be fully exploited.

Oh, it's Casey. He's almost here.

Thanks, you guys, for letting me invite him.

I wish Max could be here.

Without a man there's nothing to do up here but drink.

Ah, there's the magic word.

Let's dump these groceries and pick some boyfriends

out of the liquor cabinet.

Ooh, I think that's Casey.

Oh, I can't wait for you to meet him.

There's a spider loose.

You need a new catchphrase, Barry.

Eat me.

- Hi. - Hey.

Is it possible you've gotten sexier in the last five hours?

- Why thank you. - Hi, I'm Victoria.

- Hi, I'm-- - Kyle!

- Joy? - Yes, it's me.

Oh, my God, it's really you.

This is Kyle, the Kyle.

Uh, well, uh, but I'm not going by Kyle any more.

I go by my initials, K.C.

Oh. Wow.

Interesting.

I'll say.

How did you find me?

Uh, well, it's a--it's a--it's a funny--it's a funny--

it's a funny story.

I--I got a hold of him and--

and brought him up here to surprise you.

Right, yeah.

It--it's really not so funny "ha ha"

as it is funny, uh...

Well, here we are.

- And who's that? - That must be Casey, right?

Uh, my new boyfriend's name is Casey,

which is funny 'cause Casey and K.C. are easily confused.

So we better call you "Kyle."

Good, 'cause we wouldn't want things to be confusing.

Hi, have you heard the Good Tidings?

Yes, you're here.

My new boyfriend, Casey.

I certainly call that good tidings.

I'm not really sure what's happening.

What's happening is you must be starving.

So let's get you in the kitchen... Baby.

The Rapture is rapidly approaching.

Oh, you and those double-entendres.

You see why I'm crazy about him?

Oh, hello ma'am, have you heard the good news?

I think I'm looking at it.

Okay, listen up. Your name is Casey.

We met last night, and now you're my boyfriend.

Is this a cult?

The high master warned us about cults.

Oh, no, no, I promise this isn't a cult, no.

You just have to follow my orders exactly,

and can't leave.

Look, Joy, uh...

I owe you a-- a long overdue apology and, uh,

more importantly, an explanation.

Actually, I'm still overwhelmed by the surprise.

I don't think I'm ready to do that just yet.

Oh, thank God.

I mean... When you're ready.

I still don't get it.

Okay, that guy out there

was "A love at first sight" thing for me last night.

But it turns out he's the guy that left my friend

my friend Joy at the altar.

Before you tell Joy, you might wanna soften it with a joke.

Like, uh...

It seems there was an assaulted peanut--

oh, crap, I told it wrong.

I'm not gonna tell her.

Nobody is ever and it's all gonna turn out just fine.

This is a disaster.

How could you not know that Casey was Kyle?

Sweet greatness in the sky, it's Victoria Chase.

Last night when I met him--

In a minute.

Are you a fan?

I used to rush through my wood-chopping chores

so I wouldn't miss a second of Edge of Tomorrow.

Oh, what a...

Powerful story.

Okay, listen up. This is what we're gonna do.

This nice religious person--

- Heavenly Witness, ma'am. - Super...

is going to spend the night and be my boyfriend, Casey.

Uh, I'm sorry. I am so confused.

I should ask a higher power.

What would you do, Victoria Chase?

I would do it.

Then I'm in.

I can help you with those, Melanie.

No, no, that's okay. You stay here with Joy.

Casey will help me. Casey. Casey!

Uh, I'm Casey.

Okay.

All through dinner, I was holding this in,

but I'm just gonna say it. I am so mad at you.

I know.

But not for what you think I'm mad at you for.

I'm mad because I can't get mad at you.

For 25 years I've been carrying around all this anger,

and now all I can think about is how good you look.

Couldn't you be bald and fat?

Well, I've had two desserts, give it time.

I just have so many mixed emotions about you...

Although it's kind of obvious how you feel about me.

It is?

I mean, a guy wouldn't drive all the way up here

to see a girl unless he really cared about her.

I guess that's true.

And I guess she wouldn't let him stay

unless she felt a little something too.