Friends

Oh, man.

- What is that? - Treeger's snaking the shower drain.

What in the name of hell?

Maybe he found your flip-flop.

Hey. - Whoa.

Is this porn?

What did I do? I must have hit something on the remote.

Do we pay for this?

No, we didn't even pay our cable bill.

Maybe this is how they punish us.

Maybe we shouldn't pay our phone bill. Free phone sex.

Maybe we shouldn't pay our gas bill.

Whoa, hey, that lady's all kinds of naked.

Yeah, Joey just pressed something on the remote and it just came on.

It happened to me once. I was flipping through the channels and, bam.

- It was like finding money. - Finding money with naked people on it.

Then I made the mistake of turning off the TV.

I never got it back again.

And I'm sad.

Why would he turn off the TV?

All right, you know what? Do we really have to watch this while we eat?

No, no, no.

We don't know what could make this go away.

Yeah, so no one touches the remote, and no one touches the TV.

And no one touches the air around the TV.

Imagine a protective porn bubble, if you will.

- I'm at least going to mute it. No, no, no.

- We still have porn. - Yeah.

- Hi. Hey.

Honey, what are you doing?

- That's too heavy. Give it here. Yeah.

Oh, God.

Okay.

Ugh.

I'm getting too pregnant for this... Lugging around a stupid massage table.

I have to find a job where I carry a smaller table.

Or a job where you don't have to carry a table.

You mean, like a doctor?

Pheebs, you're blocking the porn. Look out.

Oh!

Oh, my.

Oh, that reminds me. I have to see my ob-gyn today.

- Hi. - Hi.

So, uh, Emily just went to the airport.

Aw. Why didn't you take her?

Ehh, her uncle had planned on doing it.

And you know, we said our goodbyes this morning, so...

You must feel horrible. Hey, the guys have free porn.

No.

Hey, cheer up. You're gonna see her again, right?

Well, that's the thing. I don't know.

I mean, whenever I brought it up with her, she said:

"This is so fantastic. Why do we have to talk about the future?

- Let's enjoy..." - Don't do the accent.

You've got to see her again.

Why do you care?

Because.

You could get to live out my fantasy.

You've had fantasies about Emily?

No. You know, the fantasy.

Meet someone from a strange land...

...fall madly in love and spend the rest of your lives together.

Is that why, in junior high...

...you were the only one who hung out with that Ukrainian kid?

Yeah, that, but plus his mom used to put sour cream on everything.

Do you love her?

We said it was only gonna be two weeks, you know?

You love her.

What is love, really?

I knew you loved her.

You need to go to the airport and tell her.

You're probably gonna catch her just as she's about to go to the gate.

You're gonna call out her name and yell, "I love you."

She's gonna say, "I love you too."

Then you guys are gonna have the most amazing kiss.

Everyone at the gate will applaud.

I am a good kisser.

Then you two can sneak into the cockpit.

Things will start to heat up.

And then a stewardess comes in...

I've been watching too much porn.

[BABY'S HEART BEATING OVER SONOGRAM]

- Is that the heartbeat? - That's it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, wow. This is so cool.

Have we talked about the possibility of multiple births?

Why don't we just take care of this one?

And should I get pregnant again, I'll hold onto your card, okay?

No, I'm getting three separate heartbeats.

Three? You guys were worried I wouldn't even have one.

- Doctors are wrong all the time. - Well...

Well, so are you sure that there are three?

Definitely. Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Ha, ha.

So in a few months...

...I'm gonna have three full-grown babies just walking around inside me?

Oh, oh. And it's gonna be like one of those log rides...

...when they just come shooting out.

Giving birth to three babies is not that different than giving birth to one.

What do you know?

- Phoebe. Oh! Hi.

So how'd it go at the doctor's?

Oh, well, okay. Hey.

You know how, when you're, um, walking down the street...

...and you see three people in a row.

And you say "Oh, that's nice."

- Yes. Okay.

Yeah, well, good news. You're gonna have three babies. Aah!

- Three babies? Uh-huh.

Oh, oh!

I've finally got my band.

We're gonna have a big family! I always wanted a big family!

Oh, God. I'm so glad you guys are happy. I was so afraid you we're gonna be freaked.

- Oh. - Why would we be freaked?

No, because maybe it's harder to raise them and the added expense. Ugh!

- Oh. - Right.

No, back to happy. Back to happy!

No, no, no. It's gonna be fine...

...because, um...

Because I teach Home Ec.

And I can have 30 kids making baby clothes all year long.

You know, it'll be like my very own little sweatshop.

You know, I've been thinking...

...ever since you said that we're gonna have triplets.

The best thing for me to do is drop out of college and get a job.

Frank. - No, you can't quit college. No.

You're in college? Really?

- Yeah, refrigerator college. - Yeah.

Yeah, you know, when we found out we were gonna have a baby...

...I figured, you know, I should have, like, a career, you know?

- And I love refrigerators. - Yeah.

You can't give up on your dream. Ugh.

No, it's okay. We're gonna have three kids.

And that's a different kind of dream.

Three kids and no money.

This is the boarding call for Flight 009.

Emily.

Oh, my God. What are you doing here?

I just... I had to see you one more time before you took off.

You are so sweet.

That's a big candy bar.

I had the most amazing time with you.

Me too.

This is the final boarding call for Flight 009.

Well, that's me.

Here, have this.

I'm only allowed one piece of carry-on anyway.

Wait, uh...

Listen, I have to tell you something.

I've been thinking.

I'm just going to come out and say it, okay? Uh...

I think...

...I love you.

Oh.

Thank you.

It's no problem.

What is that song that has been in my head all day?

It's the theme from Good Will Humping.

You know who doesn't even like dirty movies?

- My new boyfriend Joshua. - Yeah, right.

No, he told me he prefers to leave certain things to the imagination.

Oh, oh, yeah. Did he also say that he thought some of the dialogue was corny?

And that he actually found it funny, not sexy?

Yes.

Yeah, he likes porn.

Where you going?

I'm gonna find out if he really thinks supermodels are too skinny.

- Hey, Pheebs. - Hi.

Hi. Hey. - How'd it go with Frank and Alice?

Frank has to quit college...

...because his super-fertile sister is having three babies. Ugh.

I need to make a lot of money really fast.

And I had an idea that I wanted to talk to you about...

...because you work for a big company. Okay.

Insider trading.

What information is there that you can give me?

Well, actually, they don't really talk to us about that stuff.

I can get you some free White-Out, though.

Huh! Did you do what I said? Did you tell her?

- I did. - And what did she say?

"Thank you."

You're totally welcome. What'd she say?

She said, "Thank you."

I said, "I love you."