Reginald the Vampire

Previously on "Reginald the Vampire"...

She gives me blood.

She gives me kisses.

Put them together, the perfect woman.

Abraham was a vampire of legend.

He could turn a vampire back to human.

We found Abraham in Spokane, Washington.

It's not what it looks like!

I can explain!

You know what you are?

You're a disease.

I killed Todd.

I'm a liar, an asshole, and a murderer.

Hey, friend.

Buy a fellow traveler a drink?

How do you know I'm not from around here?

You got the look of a man who left home in the rearview.

Billy.

Reginald.

That drink?

I'm about two weeks left from broke.

Plenty there to wet our whistles.

Two pints of your finest bottom-shelf brew.

So...

What's your story, Reginald?

I don't really know anymore.

Well, cheers to not knowing.

In fact, every man's life comes down

to that one pivotal moment, like that crossroads

with your name on it.

Well...

I think this is one of those crossroad moments.

Do you?

I'm offering you the opportunity

to change the trajectory of your life.

How's that?

You play poker?

Go on, then.

I'm easy.

Raise another 20.

Call.

Full------- house.

Good hand.

Not good enough.

Straight flush.

Hell no!

That ain't right! - The river don't lie.

Yeah, you're just some kind of card shark.

Been playing me from the jump.

The hell you think you're going?

I'm just a little farther from broke than I was before.

And I got enough money to buy everybody a beer.

Okay. - All right.

Y'all just gonna let him walk away, this clown?

After he cheated us out of our money?

Billy,

I don't like being called a cheater.

I don't like being called a clown.

Give me back my money.

Crossroads.

That's what you said.

You took a look into my wallet,

you saw an opportunity,

but it didn't turn out the way you planned because--

and this is really funny when you think about it--

the crossroads weren't for me.

They were for you.

Give me back my goddamn money,

or you'll pay me another way.

I can't do that.

I finally have enough cash

to keep myself going a little longer.

The only thing you're gonna do

is die where you're standing.

The thing is, I can't die.

It's impossible.

You wanna bet?

I think we've established

that gambling is not your strongest suit.

Get it? Suit, like--

I get what you're saying.

No, you don't.

When I tell you can't die,

I'm not speaking a metaphor.

I'm genuinely trying to share an important fact with you.

What the hell would that be?

I'm a mother------- vampire.

Shit!

Go, go, go!

I'll take that beer, vampire,

and a couple of minutes of your time.

Why?

You're just the man I've been looking for.

I think you have me mistaken for somebody else.

I'm no one.

I've been watching you.

It seems to me you're here for some reason.

What do you want from me?

You're looking for something.

I think I can help you find it--

find him.

A friend of mine told me about a very legendary vampire,

whose powers-- well, let's just say

he can do things other vampires can't.

And I've been searching for him.

His name is Abraham.

And what do you want from this Abraham?

I want to ask him an improbable question.

Improbable?

I'm intrigued.

It's personal.

Say no more.

I've been looking for clues, including any other vampires

who could help me.

But you're not a vampire.

I'm just Jenkins.

But I know the vampire that you seek.

I've been seeking him too.

Really?

For what?

It's personal.

Say no more.

Maybe between the two of us, we could find him.

I already know where Abraham is.

You just said you were seeking him.

I'm pretty sure you said "seeking."

I know where he resides.

The fact is, I can't go in there alone.

I'm not strong enough.

Everyone who has gone into that place

has never come out.

I get it.

Only a vampire can get to another vampire.

You wouldn't be the first.

Many vampires have sought him out,

and every one has failed.

Then why me?

I need a hero.

Okay, I'm no hero.

Yes, you are. I'm sure of it.

Look, "just Jenkins," I let down,

disappointed, betrayed, deceived, and hurt

anyone who's ever meant anything to me.

And as soon as I was finished laying ruin to my life,

I ran away.

So trust me when I say this--

I'm no hero.

Let's go, Reginald.

Time's a'wasting.

Did you not hear a single word I just said?

Come with me,

and I will help you get what you want.

If I were a vampire of legend,

this is exactly the not place I would not live.

Tell me, what is it you're looking for, Reginald?

What is the improbable question?

Salvation.

Big ask.

It feels like it's my only chance.

It's my only chance too.

For what?

A new heart.

My current ticker has a shelf life.

Big ask.

All right, Tin Woodsman, let's do this thing.

Whoa. What the--

Are you seeing what I'm seeing?

Yes,

assuming seeing is believing.

This is it.

This is the place. It has to be.

Agreed.

Although I do think

that you are a tad underdressed.

There's no doors.

No elevator.

No stairs.

No way out, except the way we came in.

I'm not leaving until we find Abraham.

Of course, the improbable question.

Hello.

Welcome to the party.

Who are you?

I'm Reginald.

Tell me, what is this question of yours?

My life is not the life I'm supposed to be living.

I need to go back.

Back to where?

According to legend,

there's something only Abraham can do.

What's that?

He can make me human again.

That's a very big ask.

You want a heart.

Yes, one organ.

Well, I have to try.

What's so great about being human?

First, you're born.

And then begins the march towards death.

I should know.