Snowball Express

Good morning, Baxter. Nice of you to join us.

- Office hours start at 9:00, you know. - I know, Mr. Carruthers.

- I missed my bus, and then the taxi... - We would appreciate it...

if you would take care of your personal affairs on your own time.

What?

- Morning. - Mr. Baxter.

- Yes. - John Sylvester Baxter?

- Yes. - My name is Fowler.

I'm with the legal firm of Voorhees, Buckner and Voorhees.

Look, if it's about that overdue bill at La France Dry Cleaners...

Would you mind telling me your mother's maiden name?

Judith Pelton. I can explain that. You see, I didn't pay...

I'm afraid I have some bad news for you.

You're not gonna sue. The bill is not that much...

- Jacob Barnsworth died. - I'm sorry to hear that, but...

- Who? - Jacob Nash Barnsworth...

your great uncle on your mother's side.

- Oh. Oh, yeah. - As far as we can determine...

you're the next of kin and therefore heir to the estate.

I'm the heir to the... to the Jacob, uh, Nash...

Uncle Jacob. Oh, well, uh...

exactly what did I, uh...

The principal asset is the Grand Imperial Hotel.

Grand Imperial... Hotel?

It's in Silver Hill, Colorado.

It's small, just 25 rooms...

but it must be a sound operation.

There's a letter here to Voorhees Senior...

he handled all of Mr. Barnsworth's affairs...

mentioning that the hotel has been taking in over $14,000 a month.

Fourt... Every month?

Mm-hmm. If you like, Mr. Baxter...

our office can handle the transfer of title, recording the deed...

and, uh... Mr. Baxter?

Huh?

Oh! Oh! Uh, please, would you for me...

Let me get something straight. You have just told me that I am the, the owner...

of the Grand Imperial Hotel in, in, uh...

- Silver Hill, Colorado. - Silver Hill, Colorado?

Lock, stock and bar.

Oh, the keys.

And here's a letter from a Mr. Ridgeway up there...

expressing interest in the property, if you decide you want to sell out.

Sell out? No, I d-don't...

You said 14,000 a month.

Mm-hmm. We'll start the legal machinery going and keep in touch.

Good-bye, Mr. Baxter.

- And congratulations. - Yes, congratulations.

Everybody.

Friends and fellow workers, it is with mixed emotions...

that I tell you I am leaving Indemnity and Casualty.

After 11 years, however, I couldn't go...

without telling you it's been a privilege working with all of you.

There are a few, however, I'd like to single out for special recognition.

My personal stapler I want to give to that man...

who has logged more hours at the water cooler and managed to survive:

Jim Cullen, Mr. Water Cooler, himself. Here you go, Jim.

The Silver Shears Award goes to George Moll...

because he demonstrated exceptional courage at the Christmas party...

when he cut off Mr. Carruthers' tie.

Keep up the good work, George.

Beverly Bockser. Beverly Bockser.

The Outstanding Achievement Award, my staple remover...

goes to that person who has demonstrated...

that she can contribute the most to office morale.

Miss Bockser, I think I can say without fear of contradiction...

that you have the greatest legs in this office, if not the whole 40th floor.

They have been a distraction.

They have caused man-hours wasted, but...

they've made life here bearable.

- What's going on here? - I'm giving my farewell address...

- to the troops, Mr. Carruthers. - You're leaving?

Yes, Mr. Carruthers, I'm leaving.

But I think it's only fitting and proper...

that I return my computer cards from whence they came.

Unfolded, unspindled...

and unmutilated.

Ah, ooh, eeh. And zowie!

Whoo!

You quit.

- What's the matter with her? - You quit.

Quit? Oh, did I quit. It was beautiful.

Your job. You quit your job so we could move where?

To Silver Hill, Colorado.

Where's Silver Hill, Colorado?

It's in Wyoming.

Richard, maybe you'd better go to your room.

Mom, what has this got to do with sex?

Richard!

Johnny, you have invested...

11 years with that company.

Yes, 11 years. And in that time, I've moved up three rows...

from Accounts Receivable to Accounts Payable.

Honey, I feel like I've been diggin' myself into a hole...

and today somebody threw me a rope.

You're just going to give up everything...

and drag your family off into the wilderness?

Wil... Wh-What...

Honey, I am taking over as the owner...

and the proprietor of the Grand Imperial Hotel.

Does that sound like a wilderness? Susie, this is an opportunity...

that comes to few men in their lifetimes.

To stand on your own two feet, and to...

and to discover your own individuality in a world where we're all becoming...

In a world where we're all becoming holes punched in a card.

I wanna get out of this smudge pot...

get out to where the sky's blue...

and, and the air is clear and...

Okay. Okay!

Run out if you want to, but this family is moving to Silver Hill!

Colorado!

- I don't see any hotel. - Maybe we're in the wrong part of town.

There's only one part of town, and we're almost out of that.

Maybe I better ask somebody.

- Hi. You folks from New York? - Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, I could tell by your license plate.

We're looking for the Grand Imperial Hotel.

Huh?

- The Grand Imperial Hotel. - Never heard of it.

Well, this is Silver Hill, isn't it?

- Oh, yeah. - And you don't know the Grand Imperial?

- No, and I've lived here all my life. - What's goin' on?

Oh, Double L, these folks are lookin' for the... What did you call it?

- The Grand what? - Imperial. It's a hotel.

It might be one of them new places up to Crystal Highlands.

No, this is supposed to be in Silver Hill.

There's a Silver Hill in Wyoming.

See, Dad?

This hotel was owned by the late Jacob Barnsworth.

Jacob Barnsworth.

Crazy Jake?

- Why, he's dead. - Well, I know that.

If it's Crazy Jake's place you're lookin' for...

it's about a mile further out.

You just stay on the same road 'til you hit the county road...

Turn left along that road 'til you pass Howard Babcock's place.

Uh, Babcock. Is there a sign there or something?

Oh, it blew off.

Then you'll see a couple of Holsteins on the south side of a red barn.

Babcock told me he was gettin' some Guernseys. He might've got 'em already.

- Uh, red barn. I'll find it. - Just past the red barn...

you'll hit a chuckhole; turn left, down that road along the fence line.

That'll take you smack dab into the hotel.

- Thanks. - If the county's plowed the road.

Are you related to Crazy Jake?

Are you related to Crazy Jake, Dad?

Uh, let's all keep our eyes open for a red barn.

Dad? How bad did you break it off with Mr. Carruthers?

Well, this is it, all right.

Well, let's see what it looks like inside.

All right.

It's colder inside.

Well.

It's gonna look a lot better when we get a fire started.

See if you can find something to burn, Richard.

- What about one of these chairs? - No, I mean firewood.

- Look in that box right there. - Okay.

- I've gotta get the electricity back on. - Dad...

shouldn't we find someplace to stay before it gets dark?

- We're gonna stay here. - Overnight?

Well, why not? It's a hotel, isn't it?

It's just a bat!

Richard.

Johnny!

It's gone. The thing was more scared of us than we were of it.

- Then that was one scared bat. - Honey...

- they can't hurt you. - But you know, in South America...

they kill whole herds of cattle, and they suck their blood at night...

Richard!

Now, that's enough.

Hey, this is really a nice, big kitchen we've got here.

Does need a little brightening up.

What?

There's someone in the oven.

Uh, sorry.

What was it?

- Raccoons. Four of them. - Will you please tell me...

how I'm supposed to cook around four raccoons?

Don't you worry about it. I'll get rid of them.

Like you got rid of Stoutheart when Richard brought him home.

We'd better get some things out of the car before it gets dark.

- We'll give you a hand. - We can manage.

Just see if you can find us someplace to sleep.

Okay, son, you... you build a fire...

and I'll go upstairs and see if I can find us a place to sleep.

- Dad? - Hmm?

Bears wouldn't hibernate in a place like this, would they?

Bears? No, Richard, bears wouldn't hibernate in a...

How would they get in?

How'd the bats and the raccoons get in?

Start the fire, Richard.

You're in this with the rest of us. Come on.

Well, come on, Stoutheart. No one's going to carry you.

Hey! Come on up here. I want to show you what I found.

- A bear? - Oh, no, it's not...

It's not very funny, Richard.

Now that's funny.

I'm glad you think so!

Hey, lady, you're beautiful when you're angry.

- You wouldn't. - Wouldn't I?