Hostel Daze

Come on! Everyone take your dick in your hand.

Bloody Da Vinci, are you going to ask for extra shade now?

It's not too long...

It's not going to be too long.

I've googled this.

India comes on number 16 on the global penis index.

And anyway, everyone was told that the upper limit should be only 7 inches.

No, sir. I was making the mole.

Asshole.

Are you going to put a shade of lipstick on the tip?

What the hell is this?

Too ambitious. 4/10.

Is that a dick or a beaker?

Anaconda.

5/10.

6/10 bro. What's wrong with it?

We had discussed this already.

I saw it.

Bloody Picasso, what the hell is this?

You were supposed to draw a dick, not your selfie.

He ruined my mood completely.

Not that bad actually. Not bad.

- Scope for improvement. - Decent. Decent.

This will go for rechecking.

Who made this?

10/10.

For your honesty, bitch.

This is unfair.

My marks were cut.

From now on no one will know you by your faces in this hostel.

For the next 10 days, this will be your identity on the campus.

You will stick this on your back.

Screwed!

Screwed!

Freshie, sitting in the library.

You thought there will no ragging in the library.

Smart boy, wrong choice.

Ravi Teja can smell freshers from miles away.

Let's do one thing.

We'll both go to my room.

Sit next to each other and turn on the laptop.

And... enjoy.

What?

The thing that starts with a P and ends with ORN.

And at the end, I want to lick my fingers.

So salty.

What?

POPCORN.

Come on, girls, Teja, is ragging a fresher.

- Freshers get ragged. - Exactly.

Go and talk to him.

Absolutely not. I am scared of Ravi Teja.

I am not as scary as I look.

I'm much more.

Unfortunately, whenever I see a female I want to have sex.

But no one gives it to me.

What?

The thing that starts with a C and ends with T.

CONSENT.

You can't rag without consent, Teja.

Yes.

And if we complain about this you'll be facing DISCO.

DISCO?

Yeah... Disciplinary Committee.

And once the DISCO starts

it won't stop before spreading chaos.

It's all written here in the anti-ragging dossier.

You guys will complain to the DISCO. Who will believe you guys?

You guys rag freshers too.

Are you mad, Teja? I never ragged anyone.

And girls never rag anyone.

Because we value consent.

Kabir Singh? Who is this new guy?

Fuck! You...

Move aside. You haven't seen Kabir Singh?

- No. - Come on. Give me your phone.

If he doesn't watch it then how will he vote on the petition?

Watch it now.

Yes. Come, Preeti.

- Sorry. - Mohit. Mohit Panda.

What?

Girls, we rescued a Panda today.

Come, Panda. Sorry, Mohit.

Come.

Kabir Singh... seeing.

If anyone rags you, put in a complaint.

It's a responsibility and not power.

You might not get a single intro if you do this.

People might lock you in the bathroom.

Or stick a note on your back that says "Asshole".

But you still have to uphold this responsibility

because complaining is the second-best form of helping.

And best...

Laughter yoga. I practise a lot.

But complaint should be in return

for action to be taken.

That's why there is a format for complaint in the dossier.

Dossier?

Didn't you read the anti-ragging dossier before joining the institute?

Here. Read it today.

You read all the terms and conditions before installing any app on your phone.

- You do, don't you? - Yes.

Read it.

Udipi. More bread.

Quickly.

He's Udipi. He's a senior.

He used to rag innocent juniors.

So under sub-clause 21 section 8, he's doing community service.

Community service. Easy way to atone.

Udipi.

So Udipi, what moral lesson did you learn from this punishment?

Those who dig graves for others falls themselves.

Thank you.

Go.

See... he learned his lesson.

But don't worry. I will duly train you.

- Sir... - Take your pants off.

Take it off.

Can't I do it without taking it off?

Listen, mama-mama bread.

Is it my fault that Superman used to wear his underwear over his pants?

Is it my fault? It's not. Then just do as I said.

Wear it now.

What will you do on your wedding night?

Martha... asshole.

Take it off.

Hey 50% off.

Why are you laughing?

Come and kneel down here.

Kneel down here.

I said kneel down. Don't mimic Shahrukh.

Dickhead.

Let me show you.

Don't call me sir.

Why don't you give some eggs too?

Comedy Nights is going here right?

I am Gutthi.

Bloody assholes. This is a pathetic batch.

We'll have to show them porn for 24-hours in a row.

- Right. - Only then will they learn.

Are you serious? Do you mean it? Thank you.

Look Ronnie Sin... with your hands tied behind your back.

Now say thank you.

Give yourself a blowjob.

Run! Run!

Run! Run!

Do whatever you want, come to my room.

Do you own the hostel asshole?

People ask us DISCO guys why ragging happens in the first place.

But there's a simple answer for it.

GKK Syndrome.

Meaning Gali Ka Kutta Syndrome.

Let's assume you're a common mongrel

who wanders from pillar to post in your neighbourhood.

You've such a useless existence, don't you?

Sad life.

These seniors are like those dogs.

Forget about their home, neighbourhood, or school

even customer care never showed them any respect.

But their existence gets a purpose

when some biker or freshie enters their neighbourhood

and they chase after him.

If the biker stops there's nothing these dogs can do.

But these bikers never stop or complain to the municipality.

They keep running.

And you know, this GKK Syndrome is very common.

Very common. It's found in most places.

Like your PT teacher, HR Manager, uncle, and... even in religion.

Now if someone begs or pleads in front of a purposeless, useless entity

then it's going to be fun for him.

7/10.

I always got A+ in my art class as a kid.

If sir finds out this is how I am using my talent...

I don't understand why they print the anti-ragging dossier in the first place.

Why don't they add to the college motto

that each man for himself.

And where is this bastard taking us?

Where there's a supervillain like Kilvish, there is also Shaktimaan.

Come on.

If some boys got drunk and peed on your desk

then are you going to fine them?

As the hostel president, I am firing you from the warden's post.

Sir is the hostel president. Mukesh Khanna.

Money?

I am Mukesh Khanna not Ambani.

I don't understand the language of money.

130 rupees. Fine, send me through UPI.

Sir...

So you guys didn't get breakfast either.

Ragging? In this hostel?

When I am around?

What's the problem?

Sir, they are giving us a headache.

They haven't given us an intro yet.

Maybe, but they all voted for me.

So I cannot do anything.

Quietly keep getting ragged or...

Don't they know about Brexit?

Brexit?

Bra exit.