Love is Blind (Love Is Blind)

I just don't know if it's, like, there for me.

-Like, I feel like sex is a big thing. -Mm-hmm.

I felt like we could get over-- I could get past that.

You know, "She's such a great person. I care about her."

And I know how you feel about me.

And I was like, "Well, I feel like

we could get past that part."

-Mm-hmm - "Maybe some way."

And now I'm like…

I don't wanna, like, fake something.

But the more we do that, it's like…

I have not talked to this person.

But over the past two days, I was thinking about it,

about, like, what it would be like if…

I was with that person too.

Just thinking about it.

What person?

The number two person I had.

Just thinking about it.

I'm just being honest, my thoughts.

I was like, "What would that look like?"

Probably, I don't know, maybe it would be up in flames.

You know what I mean?

Mm-hmm.

That person…

I'm just saying these are just thoughts in my head.

Yeah, I mean, all of these things are really hard to hear.

Okay, I figured they would be.

I just feel like the past two days, I've had enough time to think about, like…

Fucking long-term, five, ten, 15, 20 years.

And it's like, I feel like it's hard.

But that doesn't mean like,

how I felt, like, that was all, like, true.

Like, everything, how I felt about you is very true.

I just-- I don't want you to be sad about it.

-I want to continue, like, trying… -I know.

Like, figuring this out, 'cause I feel like we have fun together.

-Right? -Mm.

I don't know how I'm supposed to be, like, "fun" now.

Oh wow. Okay.

I feel really stupid.

- Why? -

Why?

Honestly, the fact that…

…me not working out every day is even a sentence

that came up in this conversation is blowing my mind.

Oh my gosh, that's not even what I meant by that.

Well, it's what you said.

-I mean, I'm not trying-- - I'm just trying to phrase it.

People I would date before, that's the things they would do.

-That's the things I would go after. -I just work at the hospital every day.

- Sorry. - Okay, I understand. I understand.

I was very upfront about that from the beginning.

There was no illusion that I was gonna be going to Pilates every day.

I understand.

And it makes me feel like shit too.

Like, not good enough.

In a way that, like, I can't control.

I feel very, like, inadequate.

Three days ago, if you had told me that I would question if you…

I would be like, "You're fucking insane."

"Like, this man has treated me better than anyone ever has."

"He's told me that he's in love with me."

"He's told me that he wants a future with me."

So, today, it's really fucked with my head

to go from thinking that you think I'm the best fucking thing in the world

to being like, "Ugh, maybe not."

If my body isn't good enough for you,

I'm never gonna be like, "Oh, please still love me."

That's not what I'm here for.

I feel like I just need to go home.

Love was absolutely blind for me.

I was madly in love with Chris.

I genuinely believed that

this was the person I was gonna spend my life with.

With him doing this complete 180 and feeling like a different person,

I could never look at him the same.

I'm extremely disappointed. I'm extremely hurt.

But I know I'll be okay.

I've always been okay. I will take care of myself.

I have a wonderful life.

I don't wanna be with somebody unless they're just gonna make it better.

I believe love is blind.

I fell in love with someone without seeing them

and literally wanted to spend the rest of my life with them.

But when two people wanna fornicate or have sex,

it might not be a big deal to a lot of people.

People say it's 5%, 10% of a relationship. To me, like…

I get it, when you're 90 years old, everyone's not gonna look good.

I get it. But I'm not 90.

And I'm disappointed how it turned out.

And she said she didn't work out.

I get it. It's fine.

But Bri was my number two, and it's like…

You know, maybe that's someone, like, I would be more attracted to.

And I thought maybe I could say some of those things

without feeling like I was being the bad person there.

And I was wrong.

If she doesn't like the way I feel and can't be with me

because of the way I feel, then…

it's what it is.

Your sweatshirt and sweatpants are on the bed.

I saw that. Thank you.

How good does that feel to have all the laundry done?

Not gonna say it out loud,

but doing these chores to make sure it looks nice is…

Oh! He just is appreciating the finer things in life.

Like a clean house.

-And you're appreciating me doing it. -And it smells good! I do!

-I said, "Positive reinforcement." -Don't get defensive! I'm saying you are.

-You've been away from me all day. -I have.

Oh no!

-What are you gonna do? -You.

What are you gonna do when I go back tomorrow?

- Cry. -Well, maybe…

…just make a bunch of money, and I can just stay at home.

- -Just stay here forever.

I don't think I'll have to go to the office before the wedding,

but probably after.

-You have to go in the office sometimes? -Once a month.

We have once-a-month meetings, and it's just all the higher-ups.

- -After that, you can hug me.

I swear to God. You are a treat.

-I get done what I need to. -Okay.

It's called "efficiency."

-And "delegation." -True.

Just like how I'll be delegating our chores around here.

-I gotta admit-- -We are managing a household.

Do you realize that? Tonight, we're gonna make dinner.

Our first dinner here in the apartment.

- There's that sizzle. -

Oh, yeah, baby!

Just please be careful.

I will.

-Okay. -Let's just maybe choose a different tool.

-Is this the butter? It is hard as a rock. -Mm-hmm.

-Does it need to be warmed up? -Yeah, probably.

Connor, it's in plastic!

For 20 seconds, it's gonna be fine.

I'm just gonna look the other way. I'm gonna get cancer living with you.

Oh my…

Maybe I'm just kind of an idiot sometimes.

I secretly think that you're the house dad of a fraternity.

I'm not. I wasn't even in a fraternity!

Well, you should have been.

Why be in one when you can just do it in your thirties?

-You're, like… - Sassy?

-Yeah. - Yeah.

-Sometimes a little mean. -Okay.

-I need some-- -See? Now I'm in a sour patch.

- -I love you.

I mean, you're crushing it.

Look at what you're capable of.

A clean place.

Look at him. He's cooking.

He's doing it!

-No, I need to be nicer. You're right. -

That's good feedback.

But I might as well…

I just got a text from Jess.

I got a text from Chris.

- What? -I don't know.

What did he say? Said he's going home?

No.

Let me just check in.

I'm sure when Chris is done, he might wanna chat, so…

Wow.

-We are good friends to our friends. -Ugh!

- Gonna show me up? - Gonna show you up.

-I'll see about that. -You're too strong.

Oh!

Oh no!

Wait, did we put a wager on this?

Oh, that's the one. You let me win one.

I'm a sore loser.

Perfect!

- You're being nice to me now? -Yeah.

-Gotta give you one hole. -I kind of want all of them, but…

-I really set myself up for that one. -You did. You did.

-Good shot! She's back. -She never left.

Look at you.

It's not easy having our first fight,

but we come back, and we're our old selves.

- Got it! - Look at you. Impressing me.

-You like me. - I do.

- He likes me, people. - I do. I do.

- -You look good. Gimme that. Gimme that.

With my sexual frustrations, after tonight,