The Ballad of Cable Hogue

Sorry, old-timer...

...but you're only part poison, and I'm hungry for meat.

Getting a little thirsty too.

Taggart?

Bowen, go easy.

You peckerwoods just raised hell with our supper.

Find any water?

I appreciate humor, boys...

...but I'm beginning to think you're cutting it a mite thin.

What else we got to do?

What did you find?

Ten thousand gallons of sand, that's what we found.

We had you shaking, didn't we, Cable?

Hold him, boy. Get over there.

It's just like you said, Hogue.

There's water enough for two, but not for three.

You damn fool. You had us.

You just wouldn't pull the trigger.

- Because you're yellow. - Yeah, he's yellow. Just plain yellow.

- Hell, you're yellow, Hogue. - Cable is yellow.

Old Cable's yellow

Old Cable is white Old Cable's dying

But that's all right

Taggart and Bowen as slick as you please Took all the water and left for the trees

Hey, fellas. Leave me a little.

- Please. - It's all yours, Cable.

Fifty thousand gallons of sand.

- We've got your water, Cable. - Yellow!

Call me yellow.

Leave me to dry and blow away.

Sing a song about it!

Laugh at old Cable Hogue, huh?

I'll get out! I'll get out!

Don't you worry none about that!

You just...

...worry about when I get out.

I'll find you, Taggart.

You, Bowen, you mealy-mouthed little pimp.

You never could tell gold-shine from lizard shit, and there's a big difference.

A big difference!

I'll live to spit on your graves!

Old Cable's yellow

Yellow!

We got your water.

Ain't had no water since yesterday, Lord.

Getting a little thirsty.

Just thought I'd mention it. Amen.

Yesterday, I told you I was thirsty...

...and I thought you might turn up some water.

Now, if I sinned, you just send me a drop or two...

...and I won't do it no more...

...whatever in the hell it was I did.

I mean that, Lord.

Four days without water. You don't think I've put in my suffering time...

...you ought to try going dry for a spell.

Listen to me. Listen to me.

If I don't get some soon, I ain't gonna have no chance to repent.

Careful, now. You're about to get my dander up.

Lord...

...you call it.

I'm just plain done in.

Amen.

Hogue...

...found it.

Told you I was gonna live.

This is Cable Hogue talking. Hogue. Me.

Cable Hogue. Hogue. Me.

Me. I did it. Cable Hogue.

I found it. Me.

Wagons.

Stagecoaches.

Buckboards.

With kids and mamas.

People.

Going somewhere on a road.

And I'm on it.

Me and my water hole.

I whipped them bastards.

Now all I gotta do is wait.

Get out of there, boy.

Get with it. Hop on.

Hey, wait a minute, fellas.

Please.

Is something the matter? Why are we stopping? Are we in trouble?

He is, we ain't.

- Nice evening, fellas. - You're a long way from home.

- I'm halfway to hell and looking for help. - You got it, pilgrim.

You've fallen among good hands. The Gospel says: Do unto others...

- You want a ride in? - He can ride inside with us.

- Matthew, chapter 2, verse 3. - Daniel, are you sure?

I've told you never to question my judgment.

As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is just.

- John, chapter 5, verse 30. - I've never questioned your judgment.

In the 26 years of our marriage, blessed by a devotion to the Lord...

...I have never questioned your judgment. But I am now.

It seems ridiculous to sit in the middle of the desert, watching men drink.

We're near halfway in.

- How about $3? - Nope.

If sugar were 2 cents a barrel...

...I couldn't afford a pinch of salt or an egg to put it on.

- I was robbed about five days back. - Robbed? Robbed?

- Robbery, did you say? - They nailed me on the flats.

- They took everything I had. - Mister, you're damn lucky to be alive.

Your language is disgusting. Both of you.

Hell, we know that.

Well! More profanity.

Shoot, partner, crawl on up. You can ride for nothing.

- What do you expect me to do? - I expect you to take action.

We should leave. Will you please instruct the driver?

- No, thanks. - Driver, it's getting late.

Don't fret, Your Honor.

We're just fixing to leave as soon as I count my money.

- Count your what? - Soon as I water my mule.

Watering his mule? What on earth does he mean?

- I'll explain it to you later. - How far is it to town?

- Oh, Deaddog's... - Twenty miles.

- And Gila City is about... - Same old 20 miles.

- I don't see any mules. - Looks like you could use another stop.

Wouldn't be no good without water.

This stage appears to me to be driven by horses.

Please.

No water between Gila and Deaddog?

Nope.

Sure don't seem to bother me none.

Daniel, are you going to do something or am I?

Be worth a lot if a fella was to find it?

Worth a damn sight more than gold.

- Driver, it's getting dark. - Generally does about this time.

- Damnedest thing I ever saw. - Get him to start this vehicle.

Got enough water to hold you?

- Never, anywhere. - Just... Daniel.

- Yep. - I demand you start this vehicle at once.

Fellas?

Sure do... Well, many thanks.

- Many thanks till you're better paid. - Start this vehicle.

I am going to report you to your superiors.

You shall never drive again, do you hear?

The wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience.

- Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 6. - Amen.

Hallelujah, brother! The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

- Matthew, chapter 2... - When are you coming back?

Next week. You sure you don't wanna ride with us?

No.

No.

I'll be right here, Hogue.

Right here.

Hey, feller.

Hey, hold up there a minute, feller.

That's 10 cents. That's my water. My land, my water.

- Found it where it wasn't. Ten cents. - Here's your pay.

- You shouldn't have done that. - Is that so?

- Give me that rifle. - I'll give you what's in it.

Now get out.

Drop by again. Always open for business.

You're my first customer.

Appears to me you've been 17 kinds of a damn fool.

Not that it seems to bother you none.

Peace and goodwill, brother. I come as a friend.

- Careful, son, I'm a man of God. - Well, you damn near joined him.

- Anybody with you? - I'm alone.

I am the Reverend Joshua Duncan Sloane...

...preacher to all of eastern Nevada and selected parts of northern Arizona.

Well, you're a sorry preacher.

And a hell of a sneak.

In my case, sir, those thus attributed often go hand in hand.

And speaking of such, here is mine in all good fellowship.

I'm Cable Hogue.

Cable? That's rather an unusual name, isn't it?

You have builded an oasis out of this wilderness.

Oh, no, I just stumbled on that mud hole over there and I dug it out a little.

You might call this place Cable Springs. Sound good?

Yeah.

That excavation, a wine cellar perhaps?

No, that's a three-holer. Expecting a lot of business.

I see tragedy has already struck this cactus Eden.

No, that's no tragedy.

Shot the son of a bitch. With his own rifle. He tried to kill me.

He was my first customer. You're my second.

Well said and well done. Defend thyself with the jawbone of an ass if need be.

You're a Good Samaritan to offer help...

...to a needy traveler... - Hallelujah, brother. At 10 cents a head.

Water to men, sheep and hogs, 10 cents. Horses, mules and cows, 2 bits.

- Of course. - In advance.

- In advance. - In advance.

Which means before you drink, you pay 10 cents. In advance.

Cast thy bread upon the waters, let this man have his just needs.

You talk like a man of God, all right. But I worked like hell for that there water.

My poor, misguided friend, you are a sinner in need of redemption.

I will redeem you.

Ten cents, you pious bastard, or I'll bury you.

What church did you say you was with?

The Church of the Wayfaring Stranger. A church of my own revelation.

Just like that?

- Just like that. - Where's it located?

Wherever I go, it goes with me.

Would you like to see some of my parishioners? Sisters of the spirit.

Why, that one's naked as a jaybird's ass.

Naked we come into this earth, naked we shall return.

Well, well, brother Hogue.

I foresee a great community springing out of the sand.