American Dad!

So, Danuta, you still haven't said how you and Marco met.

Oh, no. Here we go.

Well, Marco here is the reigning champion

on a certain quiz show on Langley Public Radio.

Oh, you mean Oo Oo, I Know That?

A-ding ding dong.

When they asked him

who his favorite philosopher was,

he said, "I Kant remember."

His wit was bone-dry,

but I was quite the opposite.

Okay, soup. This time... you're mine.

That sneaky stuff just falls off the spoon so fast!

Babe, remember, flip your spoon over

so it's like a little bowl.

Like a little soup bowl

- on a stick! - On a stick.

Yes, Jeff. Very good, Jeff.

And how did you two meet?

Oh, it's so hard to recall.

I fell into the touch tank at the aquarium!

Hayley pulled me out.

Oh, that's right.

We're actually going to a benefit

at the aquarium with Johanna this...

Johanna Gurney-Schaffner?!

The host of This Way or That on Langley Public Radio?!

Wha...?! You hang out with her?!

Oh, she's a dear friend.

We actually went to the new Almódovar film with her

just last night.

Have you seen it?

Oh, I really wanted to, but Jeff kinda likes to watch

the same movie over and over,

so right now most nights we're watching

The Secret of Saurus Rock.

Hayley has to explain a lot of it to me,

but I'm this close to understanding

that dragons couldn't actually talk.

Dinosaurs.

"Dino-snaurs."

Marco!

Polo!

What? What?

Wait just one minute.

You were thinking about

Danuta's smarty-pants boyfriend!

Jeff, I love you. I just...

I can't even remember the last time

we had an intelligent conversation about anything!

We talked for hours about Mad Men!

Because I had to keep explaining

that you didn't have to be scared,

because the men weren't mad at you!

Well, maybe you should watch it with Narco.

- Marco. - Polo!

Oh, my God! Why are you so dumb?!

Jeff, I'm sorry. I just got frustrated.

- Where are you going? - Out!

Jeff, those are my pants.

I know! I happen to...

like the way they make my butt look!

Jeff! Lookin' good!

Oh, man, what if Hayley leaves me because I'm too dumb for her?

Who's gonna tie my shoes?!

Hey. Jeffy-boy!

What up, man? Little moonlight stroll?

Mr. S? Why are you out so late?

Collectin' critters. Dr. Weitzman needs animals

for a new experiment he's doing at the CIA.

The agent that brings in the most

gets to go to McDonald's in a limo!

Say, Roger was helping me, but he quit on me.

Got bit trying to nab a copperhead snake and just went

straight to the emergency room, like a quitter.

You wanna help me out?

Mr. S, can I talk to you about something?

Not if I turn on the radio!

This Way or That is made possible

by the Arthur and Elaine T. McKennon Foundation...

Get back here, you little...

...creating a brighter generation

through the power of public radio...

You're coming with me.

Check it out. Stray dog.

Can you change the station?

This is that Jo-hannis Grundy ShniffShnaff lady

Hayley loves so much.

Yeah, I hate this nerd shit, too.

That nerd Francine must've been driving my car.

Let's listen to some Stern!

A lotta people don't know this,

but I was high every day of shootingCity Slickers.

I'm of course talking about Daniel Stern's

autobiography on Audible.

Also, Jack Palance was soooo strong.

Well, Misterrrr...

Pastafocaccia.

You seem to have fully recovered from your snakebite.

So that just leaves the small matter of...

the bill!

Sweet child o' mine! Why is it so darn much, Doc?!

Because antivenom is scarce.

Yep, if someone went out right now

and harvested venom from poisonous snakes,

which is what antivenom is made from,

they could make quite the pretty penny.

- Why are you telling me this? - I'm a doctor!

I'm all about that sweet money-money-money-money...

money-money-money-money money-money-money!

"Money, money, money, money," you say?

No, like this...

Money-money-money-money money-money-money!

Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah. Money-money-money-money!

Money-money-money-money money-money-money!

Money-money-money-money money-money-money-money!

Now Eskimo kisses!

Money-money-money-money money-money-money!

Wait here while I run these bad boys on down to Dr. Dubs.

What kind of experiment is the doctor working on, anyway?

Eh, some kind of experimental surgery

to increase intelligence or some crap.

Do you think he could do it to me?

Dumb guy like you?

I can see why you'd be interested.

But he still hasn't perfected the operation.

Most of these animals'll end up

dimmer than an Amish Christmas tree.

I like that you screeched at my joke, wise old owl.

You I might just keep for myself.

Sure is spooky here after dark.

Babadook!

I wish! It's just stupid old me.

I was making ramen on my hotplate,

and the dang pot fell on my head.

Oh. Phew! What are you doing here?

My girlfriend kicked me out!

That's awful, Mr. Whoever-You-Are.

Take it from me, kid... don't ever be in a relationship

with someone smarter than you.

It won't last.

Dr. Wishbone...

I'd like to volunteer for your a-speriment.

Oh, I would love to have a human test subject,

but you should know there's a 99% chance

you'll end up brain-dead.

99 out of a million?

I think I'll take my chances.

Tell you what, Screechy...

maybe the move is to track down this beautiful sicko.

Score ten dogs at once.

Dad, have you seen Jeff? He never came home last night.

Oh, yeah, he volunteered himself

for a deadly experimental surgery at the CIA.

What?! Why didn't you stop him?!

I guess I don't care whether he lives or dies.

Ughhh!

- Hoo! - Jeff.

Stop this atrocity at once!

Oh, Hayley! I'm glad you're here.

As Jeff's legal guardian, you need to sign this release

before I can do the operation.

You must be suckin' the glass if you think

I am gonna give Jeff permission to go through with this...

"Intelligence Enhancement"?

Out of curiosity, has this worked

on any of your test animals?

There's one goose that's now in Mensa.

Did I get it right this time, Doc?

Oh, if it isn't Babe.

Hopefully here to stop me

from doing this super-dangerous thing.

- He's all yours, Doc! - Oh.

Hayley?

Dr. Weitzman? Smart Goose?

- Did it work? - Let's find out.

Which of the little people

is wearing his hospital gown correctly?

This one.

...seems to have had a bit of a sartorial snafu.

- Hm?! - He's taken his "privates"

public, so to speak.

One might even call it an IPO...

an Ignominious Penile Ostentation.

You can honk that again, Squawky.

Now, he will need to avoid marijuana,

which could dull the effects of the procedure.

I can also tell you that is a fake diploma.

He's not wrong!

Mr. Fischer, welcome back!

Shall I bring for you extra children's menus

so you may attempt the maze as many times as you like?

Merci, non.

Une bouteille de Châteauneuf-du-Pape

et du pain pour la table, s'il vous plaît.

You have exposed my secret shame.

I am not French, nor do I speak the language.

Did Jeff take a ten-gallon Gingko enema

this morning or what? 'Cause he seems, like,

a billion times smarter than he used to be.