Veronica Mars

I'm never getting married.

You want an absolute? Well, there it is.

Veronica Mars, spinster. I mean, what's the point?

Sure, there's the initial primal drive. Ride it out.

Better yet, ignore it. Sooner or later, the people you love let you down.

And here's where it ends up: Sleazy men, cocktail waitresses...

...cheap motels on the wrong side of town...

...and a soon-to-be ex-spouse wanting a bigger piece of the settlement pie.

That's where I come in.

Forty dollars an hour is cheap compared to the financial security...

...sordid photography can secure for you...

...your offspring, your next lover.

But do us a favor if it's you in there, dispense with the cuddling.

This motel tryst, it is what it is. Make it quick.

The person sitting in the car across the street might have a calculus exam in five...

Make that four hours, and she can't leave until she gets the money shot.

Well, this can't be good.

Car trouble, miss?

This is my school. If you go here...

...your parents are either millionaires or they work for millionaires.

Neptune, California, a town without a middle class.

So how does a girl end up surrounded by a motorcycle gang...

...at 4 in the morning on the wrong side of town?

For that answer, we'll have to rewind to yesterday.

- Who put him there? - Bikers did it.

- Why doesn't somebody cut him down? - I'll do it.

I wanna be the guy up there tomorrow.

All right, say "cheese. " Smile.

- Move. - Who died and made you the...?

You are a freak.

You're new here, huh?

Welcome to Neptune High.

Go Pirates.

This is advance placement. We expect more.

It's called "An Essay on Man"...

...but what Pope's really talking about is faith, right?

Anybody?

Did anybody complete the reading?

Veronica. Veronica Mars.

Congratulations, you're my volunteer.

Pope, "An Essay on Man," epistle one.

Hope springs eternal in the human breast

Man never is, but always to be blest

The soul, uneasy and confin'd from home

Rests and expatiates in a life to come

And what do you suppose Pope meant by that?

- Life's a bitch until you die. - Okay, thank you, Ms. Mars...

...for that succinct and somewhat inappropriate response.

I think what Pope's saying is that the thing that keeps us powering...

...through life's defeats is our faith in a better life yet to come.

Random locker searches.

It's the latest tactic the administration has adopted in their losing war on drugs.

Except the searches aren't really random.

I know when they're gonna happen before Vice Principal Clemmons does.

Veronica Mars. This should be good.

Veronica, will you please open your locker?

Buster.

This is a little embarrassing.

I used to sit there, at that table.

It's not like my family met the minimum net-worth requirement.

My dad didn't own his own airline like John Enbon's...

...or serve as ambassador to Belgium, like Shelly Pomroy's...

...but my dad used to be the sheriff, and that had a certain cachet.

Let's be honest, though. The only reason I was allowed past the velvet ropes...

...was Duncan Kane, son of software billionaire Jake Kane.

He used to be my boyfriend.

Then one day, with no warning, he ended things.

And let's not forget Logan Echolls.

His dad makes 20 million a picture.

You probably own his action figure.

Every school has an obligatory psychotic jackass.

He's ours.

- You okay? - What?

- You look, I don't know, hypnotized. - Did I say you could sit here?

Wait a minute.

Of course you can sit here. Sit wherever you want.

That was cool, what you did. Cutting me off of that pole.

- Well... - My bitch.

Weren't you supposed to wait for me at the flagpole?

Not sure I could have made that any clearer.

- Okay, I get it. Very funny. - Yeah.

I guess we're even now, right?

You get what? You get that you're a dead man walking?

- Is that what you get? - Leave him alone.

Sister. The only time I care what a woman has to say...

...is when she's riding my big old hog. Even then, it's not so much words...

...just "oohs" and "ahs," you know?

- So it's big, huh? - Legendary.

Well, let's see it. I mean, if it's as big as you say, I'll be your girlfriend.

We could go to prom together.

What seems to be the problem?

- I'm on a schedule here, vato. - Weevil, don't let blondie talk like that.

Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it too.

- Oh, hell, I'll show you mine! - Felix Toombs.

What on God's green earth is going on?

All right, move along.

Veronica, why does trouble follow you around?

- So, what did you do? - What?

Why are you a dead man walking?

Oh, yeah. I work at Sac-n-Pac.

Last night I was working by myself. Couple of those guys came in.

- Yo, man, happy birthday. - Thanks, man.

They walked right to the back, and started stuffing...

...all these 40s into their pockets. So I hit the silent alarm.

Wallace.

I guess he thought a one-dollar bill would cover it.

Keep the change.

That's when the police came.

We don't have the police here. We have a sheriff's department.

You, come on.

Check it out. Here he comes.

What's up, snitch?

Come here.

They say they paid.

- Well, did they? - Yeah.

Like I said.

Shut up.

- But you pressed the alarm anyway. - It was an accident.

Sacks, get them out of here. Get them out of here. We got enough.

You need to go see the wizard.

Ask him for some guts.

- "Go see the wizard"? He said that? - Yeah.

Congratulations, sport. In your short time here...

...you've managed to piss off a motorcycle gang and the local sheriff.

Hey, baby.

It's our song.

Happy birthday, Veronica.

- Are you surprised? - Mom?

- Veronica. - Mom?

Veronica, it's me.

Honey, can you give me a hand?

Who's a good boy?

Who's a good boy?

Good boy.

I was shocked to discover Celeste Kane's car outside Dad's office. Duncan's mom.

She hates me almost as much as she adores her son.

Veronica Mars.

- My dad's with a client. - Apparently.

That's okay. I'm happy chatting with you.

- Like I said, my dad's with a client. - I heard you.

Your dad's tracking bail jumpers half the time...

...and yet, somehow, all the cases that come in here still get handled.

- How is that? - We're efficient.

Very efficient.

Look, I'm just gonna leave this file here open on your desk...

...and if you decide to take a look at it, cool.

One of my clients, Loretta Cancun, dances at The Seventh Veil.

- Classy. - These are my people, V.

She was busted for vandalism, taking a baseball bat...

...to the washing machine that stole her quarters.

- And Johnnie Cochran was booked? - I make no apologies.

I like this case. It's tawdry.

Cancun says The Seventh Veil has an interesting way...

...of keeping their liquor license, despite their rather lax ID policy.

She wants to make a deal.

If your dad has time, he should look into it.

Don't get the wrong idea, Mr. Mars. I don't like you.

I hate the fact that I'm here.

But I do know if anyone will be dogged and resourceful...

...in this matter, it'll be you.

Don't call me at home. I'll call you.

And I'll need it right away.

Hi.

Sure, she's a bitch, but can you blame her?

After all, Dad did try to send her husband to jail for life.

- How was school? - If you think we're gonna talk...

...about my day and not the fact that Celeste Kane was in your office...

...you're deluded. - You're making good grades?

Kane's got something on the side, doesn't he?

Say what you want about real cheese.

I am a fan of the orange-powder packet stuff.

My grades are fine, and I like the orange powder too...

...but can we talk about Mrs. Kane?

Yes, she thinks he's seeing someone. Late nights, motel matches, the usual.

Sexual appetite?

- Gone. - Did you take the case?

- We need the money. - Good.

- I would've been pissed if you hadn't. - I wouldn't have cared.

Give me some of that apple.

- Oh, don't... - Mars Investigations.

Just a sec.

It's Andy.

Keith Mars.

How long ago?

What's he driving?

I'll get the 7:30 out of San Diego...

...and I'll meet you by the thing by the fountain. Good work. Thanks.

My guy's on the move. Andy picked him up in El Paso.

Another day, and he'll probably try to cross the border. I gotta head out.

You go. I'll have the flight booked by the time you get to the airport.

- Do you want a rental car in Texas? - Nothing fancy this time, serious.

A Blazer is not fancy, and we can bill it anyway.

Fine. I'll get you a Crown Vic.

- Once a cop... - Don't do anything on the Kane case.

- I'll handle it. - Okay.

Given our relationship with that family...

- Fine. I said, okay. - Okay.

If all goes well, I'll be back tomorrow night...

...and if not, the night after.

- I'll call, and I'll check in. - You always do.