Niagara, Niagara

I'm serious.

Sorry.sorry.

Wow, this is really cool. You have a car?

Uh, yeah, i-- I have a car.

Surfer gas pedal. You a surfer?

Well, I used to live in Osaka in-in Japan,

and I used to surf there,

but-- but not here though.

Well, there's not really anywhere to surf around here, so--

well, I don't mind, really. Why?

'Cause I can have a car here. I couldn't have a car in Japan.

They don't let you learn how to drive till you're 18,

so I couldn't have a car there. You miss surfing?

No, I mean, that's-that's not why I got that.

I just thought it would be funny because my car's not a surfer car at all.

It's not like a Volkswagen.

You know, it's a Plymouth.

A gran fury.

Oh. How long have you had it?

It's right here.

Can we put in the surfer gas pedal? yeah, sure.

Do you think it'll look cool or just stupid?

Why would it look stupid? You have a screwdriver? yeah.

Why don't you get one? okay.

Dumb trunk, trunk, trunk.

Can I keep this?

Yeah, sure.

Actually, I'd be really happy if-if you took it.

Can I give you a ride somewhere?

Yeah, you can bring me to work.Okay.

So, this is it? Department of sanitation?

My uncle's head of the department. My dad makes me work weekends.

Sucks ass.

Wow.

My name's Seth. I'm Marcy.

Oh, that's cool.

Uh--

Son of a bitch!

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry.

The male cockroach can live off its mate's husk for six months,

until the larvae hatch and the male moves to its offspring's flesh for winter.

Seth! Turn off the goddamn door!

Where the fuck have you been? I'm hungry. Huh?

I was just driving around. Yeah?

What's this? Huh?

You've been at the store.

What are you doing at the store for three goddamn hours?

Huh? you hungry? You want me to make--

don't get wise with me.

You gotta give me a ride to Nick's.

My transmission's broke.

Well, then you ought to get rid of that piece of shit.

You gotta give me a ride to Nick's.

I said, you gotta give me a ride to Nick's.

Then call me a cab. Call me a cab!

Then I'll call a cab myself.

I've got dialing privileges, you son of a bitch!

Hello, operator, I've got dialing privileges.

I want you to call me a cab.

Sunrise taxi. I've got dialing-- I want you to dial it!

Hi.

It really pisses me off that they don't have any black Bobbie heads in this place.

Nobody carries them around here.

You just want the head? yeah, you know, just the head on the stand.

You can do their hair and makeup and stuff. Just the bust.

They have the white one, which I already have, but no black one.

Maybe they'll order one. I want the store to have it. They should have it.

They probably don't think anyone would want one.

There's not that many black people around here.

There are black people everywhere around here.

They're just too fucking stupid and racist to order them.

Yeah, they are racist.

They also probably think that if they did have black Bobbie heads,

they'd really stand out and look really racist...

Because they'd be the only black things in the store.

Whatever. Come with me. I have a surprise for you.

I like your car. It looks like an undercover police car, I think.

Well, yeah, you know, it used to be a regular police car,

but I guess it is like an undercover one now.

It's like the ones you see waiting at the light.

They get impatient, flip the siren, then drive right through,

which totally blows their cover.

It's not like their cover isn't blown away.

Everybody knows that cops always drive Gran Furys no matter what.

Well, I don't know. I guess they drive other kinds of cars too.

Park over there in the middle of all those trucks.

Is your whole family in the garbage business? It's really smart...

Seeing that everybody's got garbage.

Department of sanitation official vehicle number 5309.

You can keep the sticker and park here whenever you want now.

Thank you.

I can get you another one, if you want one.

No, I mean, I only have one car.

It's the nicest present anyone's ever given me.

You know, sometimes, when I'm saying something, and it's really important,

I can't look at the person that I'm talking to.

I just think it's really great that you can't do that either.

I really want you to have that black Bobbie head.

Then let's go get one. Let's go to Toronto. In Canada?

We have to go to a big city, and all the nearest big cities are in Canada.

I can't go to Montreal because I can't speak French.

Please, tell me you can't speak French.

No, no, I-I can't speak French.

I never wanted to go to Canada with anyone before in my life.

Yeah, me neither. I'll pay for gas.

So, we're just gonna go? yep.

Can we stop by my house before we go to Canada so we can get some clothes?

Yeah, sure. Probably be a good idea to bring some clothes.

We won't have to stop by your house. I want you to wear my clothes.

Is that okay?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Wow. Oh, this is your house?

Yeah.

Where should I park?

Hello?

I think my dad's upstairs taking a nap.

Mom's probably at the dentist.

Does your mom go to the dentist a lot?

Yeah, she thinks she has really bad teeth.

You have really nice teeth.

I mean, I-I just think that y-your teeth are nice.

I like your teeth. I like how the bottom one is crooked. It's cool.

Thanks. I think yours are much nicer though.

Are you hungry?

Fuck. We don't have any donuts. You want a drink?

Uh, no, thanks. We've got a long drive.

Wh-- oh, that one-- that one has a hole in it.

You like cheese? sure.

All righty.

Oh, put that in here.Sure.

Well, where are we going? my room.

Wow, this is yours? yep.

You know, I wish we had one of those fuzz buster things,

so we could drive really fast the whole way.

Yeah.

You've got this whole horse theme going on here.

Yeah, I really like 'em. I used to have a horse.

Could you try on my clothes now, please?

Sure.

Could you pull over at the next liquor store? I need to get some whiskey.

Really? yeah, I'm thirsty.

Yeah, she was all over that shit.

Yeah. I told you it was gonna happen, man.

What I really wanna know is what is up with that guy? fucking raincoat.

Nice raincoat!

Hi, how ya doing? Why don't you give me one of those pocket combs;

two of those herbal ups, the green ones;

a Zippo, third one from the left, and a pack of Phillys.

What about lottery tickets? You have any lottery tickets?

No? Okay.

All right, I have to see some sort of I.D. Now.

Okay, we've got four bottles here.

I'll put two over here. We're even.

I'll give you, uh, 18 bucks, all right?

N-no. Twenty bucks? Twenty bucks.

That doesn't do anything. You understand?

I need to see valid I.D. Real I.D.

I have a real I.D. I've got a driver's license.

This is my husband. We've got our kids in the car. Hurry.

You gotta be 21 to buy whiskey. Do you understand, 21? Okay.

You're not 21. I cannot sell you whiskey.

Well, can I have that back? I think you better go before I call the police.

Okay, but that's my real license. I need that to drive with.

I don't think so.Okay.

Hey, Marcy!

Hey, it's all right. We got it back.

I've never been carded in that place before, all right?

Uh-oh, guys, it's raining outside.

Excuse me, you fucking asshole.

Huh? W-What'd you say?

Whoa.

What is that, like, punk rock? fuck off, shithead.

Whoa-oa-oa. Whoa, man, there will be no cussing in front of the ladies.

Yeah, watch your language. You've got a filthy mouth.

Not as filthy as your pussy, cunt. Fucking cunt.

- Marcy. -Look busy.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

What are you looking at, bitch?

I'm fine. Get in.

At this time, nobody really knew what it was yet.

I couldn't even go to school without causing a total riot.

I'd spend most of the day incredibly-- noisily--

making sure my chair was exactly in the middle of the room...

From every angle and perspective possible.

What? it is okay that I used your toothbrush, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.thanks.

When I got the chair there, it wouldn't count...

Unless I tapped this amazing drumroll on the back of the girl-in-front-of-me's head.

Which, of course, would make her constantly freak out and complain.

Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm.

All the kids I went to grammar school with had these fucked-up nicknames for me.

Called me "Mental Marcy" and "Spazzy" and "Twitchy."

So, finally, my dad took me to this doctor in Syracuse...