King of the Hill

Ripped By mstoll

This is definitely my good side.

The cheekbone, the eyebrow...

It all comes together nicely.

This side... I'm all chin.

Uh, hey, guys.

Don't we all do weird things when we think no one's watching?

Well, I'll be going now. Get him.

I want to live!

You're right, he is funny.

Told ya.

"I want to live."

: Good one, Bobby.

Huh?

Bobby Hill, we want you to be

a Powder Puff cheerleader with us.

Here's your pom-poms.

We got spirit,

how about you?

It's going to be a test of will and strength

to have fake boobs and not be touching them all the time.

I don't see what's funny about Powder Puff.

The girls playing football,

the football players in skirts cheering them on... eh.

Maybe you're not getting the joke.

We get to dress like girls and act like girls.

It's funny.

: Hi, Bobby.

I'm going to make you a roast.

A roast.

Cross-dressing's been done, Joseph.

I know I had a prop comedy phase,

but I've grown.

I've been watching reruns of Seinfeld ,

and I'm impressed with the observational humor.

That's where my comedy is now.

Hill, two-man huddle. Let's go.

Okay.

I hear your jokes and bits and sketches are hilarious.

They'd better be.

I've got a losing football program

and the only thing that's going to save my bacon

is a good Powder Puff game.

Yeah, but isn't Powder Puff about girls playing football?

Nobody watches the girls.

It's all about you boys and your tomfooligans.

Mess this up and I'll be back teaching math to the slowpokes.

Break!

Have you seen this?

Yeah, PTA having another fund-raiser.

If you don't give them money

they threaten you with volunteering job.

Swipe credit card... avoid conflict.

Oh, no, this time I'm calling their bluff.

I'm going to go to one of those meeting and volunteer.

Yeah, my time worth more than that.

Well, mine is not.

Isn't the word "carburetor" redundant

since it already has the word "car" in it?

Shouldn't they just be called "buretors"?

Well, actually, Bill, the word comes...

Hey, everybody, guess whose star athlete son

has been selected for Powder Puff cheerleading?

My son, Joseph Gribble was chosen!

Dale, we were in the middle of an important conversation.

Yeah, Dale, Hank doesn't want to talk about

Powder Puff football.

He wants to talk about buretors.

Maybe we could just stand quietly.

That's fine. I'll just carry on an internal dialogue.

Yes!

Is this the PTA meeting?

I'm so glad I'm not late.

Oh, but you are.

We take our first break after 20 minutes.

It gets pretty intense.

People need a macaroon. I see.

We avoid a lot of tears this way.

But you should feel free to cry on my shoulder.

Or any other body part you want.

Excuse me, but aren't you?

Yes, P.J. Pfinster. Hun Chin Ko's dad.

Time.

I now call this meeting back to order.

I-I-I'd like to propose an allocation of funds

to pay for more janitorial supplies.

They've been cleaning with just water for a week.

We finished new business before the break.

Okay, but there's a stickiness issue.

Carl, I left a high-powered law firm

to spend time with my family

and I'm giving up time with my familyto be here.

If you want to talk stickiness,

put your hand on the kitchen counter at my house.

Well put.

Excuse me. I'm new here.

Peggy Hill.

Now, those animal soap carvings the kids make in art class...

what if we re-purposed those?

Nobody likes them anyway.

You know, normally I shun newcomers,

but that kind of out-of-the-box thinking

is going to get you on the PTA fast track.

You get me.

It'd just be a shame to throw it out.

It's only 15 years old.

Hey, Bobby.

You're not going to believe what happened to me today.

I got picked for Powder Puff cheerleading.

Don't worry...

I've got some great ideas about how to get out of it.

They can't make me cheer if they think I have lockjaw.

: Huh? What do you think, Dad?

I can't believe you got picked for Powder Puff.

Well, that's an honor usually reserved

for football players.

This is great.

What?!

I'm so happy for you, Hank.

And you too, Bobby.

Good things don't usually happen to the unathletic.

Bobby, I had given up hope of you ever making a team.

But this is finally a chance

to be part of time-honored football tradition.

Uh-huh.

So you want me to dress up like a girl

and run around with pom-poms?

Yes.

Hey, remember when I gave birth to a football?

: Yeah, then we wrapped it in a baby blanket

and kicked it through the goalposts.

I understand you think it's great and all,

but comedy is very subjective.

And men in drag?

Well, I'm sorry, Dad, but it just isn't my thing.

It is now, Bobby, because you're going to be a cheerleader.

Now let's go find you a dress.

Bobby, you can't throw a rock at a Rotary Club meeting

without hitting a former Powder Puff cheerleader.

Tom Hutto, down at TripleA? Powder Puff,

David McDavid at Wide TrackMotors? Powder Puff.

Bob Decker-from Centex Escrow? Powder Puff.

Great.

Now, the kind of brassiere you choose as a cheerleader

will determine your cheer personality.

Are you the fun-loving buxom one or the flat-chested braniac?

This one, I guess.

Good choice.

Now, let's get you made up.

Hey, cheerleaders.

That doesn't look like flouncing and bouncing to me.

You're in over your head, Kleehammer.

Hill!

Comedy powwow, cherry picker, now.

Hill, what do you think of all the boys

blowing kisses to the crowd like a gaggle of beauty queens?!

It's fine, I guess.

All boys get in line and blow kisses till your arms turn to jelly.

Hill says it's funny!

Coach, Coach...

Not now, Beth.

All right, pucker, smooch and blow.

Kiss,

kiss, kiss, kiss...

Alexis, I've noticed

that there are 41 PTA committees.

I believe they can be condensed into a fewer number.

My estimate is ten,

but my guesstimate is six.

Great thinking, Peggy.

Sounds like a project

for you, me and P.J. Yay!

I'll call home and have Lima start the kids' homework.

This might take a good long while.

But I made a choice, I stand by it and I have no regrets.

I hope one of you brought a sleeping bag big enough for two.

Or more!

Then we practiced popping each other's boob balloons.

And then we practiced popping each other's butt balloons.

You're doing balloon work already?

Well, I'm sure Coach Kleehammer knows what he's doing.

Do you know what would make your outfit perfect?

My old striped tube-top.

I am not wearing Mom's clothes.

Look, Dad, this just isn't working for me.

I hate it.

Fine. If you can't see how important this is,

then go ahead and quit.

I'm free? This is great!

Well, we'll see.

When you're face-to-face with your teammates,

it might not be so easy to quit.

Are you kidding?

I've quit more things than you've started.

Gribble, you call that demure?

I... I don't know what that means, sir.

When I say bat your eyelashes, I mean bat them!

Okay, now, watch.

This is where Hill comes in.

See, he's created a character.