Adam and Six Eves

Man, oh, man.

What a fiasco this little jaunt has turned out to be.

Just imagine, me,

Smiley,

the most experienced desert donkey alive...

and here I am teamed up with a jackass.

And in toreador pants, yet.

Did you get that bit with the binoculars?

You wanna know what he sees out there?

I'll tell you: nothin' but nothin'.

Just take a look.

Now, now ain't he a livin' doll?

I swear, I still don't know how I managed to come up with this character.

Several times

it got so bad I decided to cut out,

and a couple of times I even started.

I know every foot of this desert like I know the bottom of my hoof.

But each time I get all set to go,

then I'd remember the map.

'Course I knew that hunting buried treasure out here made about as much sense

as telling a hair-raising story to a bald-headed man.

But still,

there was always

just a slim chance that map might be the real thing.

Here we are 2 days later

and still ain't another blastet thing within a hundred miles in any direction.

Just sand,

sand, and more sand.

That's all we've seen for days.

We have made so many circles in the past 2 days that I felt like astronaut.

Adam had slobbed up all the water, and on top of all...

my feet were killing me.

Oh, oh.

We've had it.

No more water.

No more food.

Just lots of sand.

Well, well.

Old hawk-eye has finally spooted that joshua tree and it's about time.

We've only passed that thing about 70 times in the past 48 hours.

So now we don't take a risk.

We'll aim for that.

I think his mind is beginning to wander,

and anything that weak should never be allowed out alone.

He's going to stretch out there in the shade while I stand out here in the sun wearing a full feed pack.

Well, what do you know, he finally remembered.

But I bet everything he has his own comfort in mind, not mine.

We should be out there lookin' for water, but he'd rather lay there in the shade hopin' for rain,

or perform an Indian rain dance...

layin' down, yet.

Now, what's he looking at?

I wonder if he thinks he sees something out there.

Well, I don't see anything.

Get a hold of that.

He looks like he's in a trance.

That sun must overcooked his pea brain.

Well, there he goes heading straight out into no man's land

Oh, oh,

I'm afraid this is gonna happen.

Now I'm comencing to see in here things, too.

I'd better get out of here fast before I crack up, too.

Still...

it seems so real.

Cut off my tail and call me stubbit.

I know I've tripped a gear, but this I gotta see.

Oh!

No, no, things like this just don't happen.

A young native in the middle of the desert.

Hey!

My god, he's gonna drain himself.

Nobody can drink that much water without poppin'.

Take it easy, Adam!

Now, what will Emily Pole say?

I'ts a toss-up as to how long old space brain would have laid there lappin' water

if the sweet young thing hadn't caught attention to herself.

But when he did look up, his eyeballs

popped like a couple of tied ballons.

From his reaction it was clear that Adam had never seen anything like this before.

In his hometown, the girls were so prim, they wore turtleneck bathing suits.

They weren't very good looking, neither.

In fact, the town held a beauty contest every year,

and nobody ever won it.

But this sure was a friendly native.

When she smiled, Adam's pea brain blew the lit like a pinball machine hit the jackpot.

Never saw so many sky rockets go off in one small space.

I don't know who designed her costume,

but whoever it was should've been placed in charge over government spending.

After a few moments she spoke to him in her native language

and she seemed surprised when Adam was unable to answer.

Verbally, that is.

Perhaps if he had concentrated on his sign language, he might've been able to get the message through to her.

But he tried to explain by usin' his head,

and the only thing that was good for was something to hang his face on.

A smile like that would give most men ideas,

but ol' Adam...

he was a rare type,

as they'd made him a jelly mule.

Adam went after the girls with radar control,

but I knew the natives would try to pull a skin game.

Don't get me wrong, I got nothing against

these beautiful natives,

but the trouble was Adam's fortune,

good or bad, was mine, too.

Some jackass is born lucky

no matter what happens, they come up smelling like a rose.

In this case he smell like a whole world gone.

A forest full of beautiful native girls and no competition.

Egad!

Now they got him playing ring around the roses.

What a way to go!

Good grieve.

Don't fall down,

'cause the Galverston flood would be nothing compared to what we'd have here if he'd burst the scene.

He had to be cautious 'cause of the many natives.

He's too fat to run and he didn't know how to fight.

He didn't gain all that weight from me.

He must've run into win with a phone in his mouth.

The girls put on a show for Adam, and so did he.

You see, Adam...

was the head ballet dance master for a herd of hippopotamuses

on tour through Cucamonga.

They say he was terrific until the hippos found out he wasn't one of them.

Yahoo!

Oh, well...

there's more than one way to take a bath.

He splashed around in the pool like an old ogre.

I guess that's natural for God's packing so much blubber.

As a walross he would doing all right.

He were trying to make an impression,

but with so many women, the only time he got to open his mouth where when he took a deep breath.

His acting was so funny that I began to laugh.

Oh, oh.

Looks like he's pretty mad.

I better get outta here.

When he took a swing at me, I could've bootet him into orbit.

Ah. Ah!

Another friendly native.

The natives threw a party for Adam.

They threw it here, there, and everywhere.

Adam caught everything they threw and seemd to settle down for a couple of month.

The natives were serious minded,

but Adam was living proof they could take a joke.

He was the only man on the oasis, but the natives had plenty of dates.

They tried to fill him with food and got the same results as a man's blown smoke rings into the wind.

He's a big man, but he ate like a bird...

a six-foot vulture.

One of the natives did a dance.

She put a crop of grass on the left hip

and a crop of grass on the right hip,

and then rotated the crops.

Did you know that a silo, 10 ft. in diameter and 20 ft. high,

holds 1270 bushes a comb.

Man, that's an awful lot of comb.

Say,

how did that 5th race at Bilmar Park come out today?

I had followed the competitions there.

Did you know I used to be a racing donkey?

Yep!

Fastest donkey in five counties.

Never been beaten in a fixed race, yet.

Say,

this reminds me of the girl days when I used to "dance with squares"...

"Dance home square"... no, no, I mean "square dance".

I used to kick up a mean storm.

They called me cyclone in old days.

The barn was always in chambles when I got through.

When she stepped on that dorn, she lost her balance and her dignity at the same time.

Adam thought it was funny. He had a real sense of humor.

When he wanted to have a good time, he went to a funeral.

The native girls thought he had a lot of crust, but why shouldn't he?

After all, he was a big loafer.

When the girl resumed her dance, she was as self-conscious as a prohibitionist with the hiccups.

And by the time she regained her confidence,

Adam lost his interest.

Gold.

The native bracelet and the gold dish convinced him

there was truth in the old saying

"All that glitters is gold."

The discovery of gold had short-circuited his wiring system and caused a tilt sign to light up permant.

So, Adam hurried off to his pack and got the shovel.

After all, he'd never been near enough to hard work to build any fear of it.

It was 120 in the shade when Adam decided to dig for the treasure.

But he said he didn't mind since he'd yawned down bu the grace.

Beside, he thought hard work might help him build up his appetite.

What a laugh.

As it was, the only thing he didn't eat for breakfast was dinner and supper.

I will say one thing:

He was a good worker.

Every time he lost his job, his bosses were satisfied.

But I didn't envy him any.

It was so hot that the gophers were walking around with their coats unbuttoned.

The natives were more determined than ever to keep Adam from the treasure,

but they had little on Adam.

In fact, they had little on, period.

Adam decided it was better to watch in the shade

than it was to work in the sun.

The girls were bathing in a pool.

A lot of people would've envied the girls.

True, their pool

was only about six feet in diameter,