Run Away Mr. Perle (La Fugue de monsieur Perle)

BAKERY-PASTRY SHOP of Mr. B. PERL.

Perl!

Perl!

Mr. Perl!

- What's the matter, soldier? - I'm the postman, Mr. Norbert.

I have a registered letter for Mr. Perl.

Wait a second, I'll warn my cousin.

Juliette!

They brought a registered letter for your husband.

- Good morning, Mrs. Perl. - Good morning, postman.

Mr. Perl, the baker from Manat-sur-Loire, is this here?

As if you didn't know? We've known each other for 15 years!

When it comes to registered letters, I know no one. Those are the rules!

It has to be signed. - One moment, I don't have a pen.

- And do you have authorization? - Authorization?

The letter is addressed to Mr. Perl.

Mr. Perl must sign. Unless you have authorization.

Calm down, my friend. I have full authority over my husband.

Over the husband, I won't argue. But as far as the mail is concerned, that's different.

Tell Perl to come by the post office. Here.

He's out. And a registered letter is always urgent!

You can leave this registered letter with Mrs. Perl. I take responsibility.

I'm very sorry, sergeant, but I obey the Post Office.

And not the War Ministry!

Despite the cap.

Good evening, everyone!

Stupid postman! Couldn't he call me lieutenant?

But what could it be? Maybe something important?

Maybe, from the owner?

- So, is the family all right? - Oh, the family...

I only hear quarrels and bugle sounds!

When you have a sergeant living in your house, can you imagine?!

- Well then, bad luck. - Yes, bad luck!

I thought your cousin had come for a couple of days?

So did I! Not at all!

- Hey, my coffee beans! - Yes, sorry.

What are you doing with them?

It's for the smell, I chew them. You understand? And everything is neat and tidy.

- Ah, it's for your wife! - For my wife. Put everything on my bill.

Yes, but be more careful, the list is growing, Mr. Perl!

How is that? I paid on Saturday, didn't I?

Yes! But your cousin comes by 2 or 3 times a day. And I pour him a drink.

Oh, how tired I am of all this!

Only mobilization will rid you of him.

No, seriously, they'll take me before that.

If I'm lucky, I'll end up under his command.

At work, he's probably a beast! - Yes! Ha-ha.

Perl! If I'd known, I would have brought your letter here.

Now it's at the post office. - And why didn't you leave it at home?

Because it's registered. And you must sign,

not your wife and certainly not that adjutant cousin of hers!

- Didn't they say anything? - They did. Especially him.

And I put him in his place, with his African pride! - Oh, thank you, thank you!

In Africa I was responsible for the honor of the platoon! No sloppiness!

Stand at attention both before a friend and before an enemy.

No cheating, no trickery!

And that is good! There is so much lying today!

Motto of the Romans: "Nothing in the hands, nothing in the pockets!"

- Bravo! Good morning, madam. - Good morning, Mr. Perl.

Good morning.

Is my new chocolate tasty? - Well yes, not bad.

Only a bit floury. Like your croissants in the morning.

I don't know what you did to them... - Well yes, it was missing salt!

All right, captain, we will make an effort.

- Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. - Good morning, Lulu. What do you want?

I want a Canadian gingerbread coffee house.

A Canadian coffee house? This way, sir.

- Goodbye, Mr. Perl. - Goodbye, madam. Choose!

I want more snow on the roof.

Then... this one!

Here.

You're paying too! Wonderful! - Goodbye, ladies and gentlemen.

Say, are we going to sit down to eat soon? I'm hungry.

- In 10 minutes. - Good.

Here, 35.

Say, there's a registered letter waiting for you at the post office.

Fine. I'll go get it on Monday, it's already late today.

What do you smell like? Have you been drinking coffee?!

Me? Drink coffee at this hour? Are you crazy?

There's nothing left! Don't you have a cigarette for me?

- No, I smoked the last one. - Well, too bad.

- You don't have to smoke! - Oh!

Tell me, what's this registered letter? Have you done something stupid again?

Again? Why again?

People don't write registered letters for pleasure, my dear!

Apparently, the reason is serious! I was a courier, I know!

You always travel for peace in the family.

- So, you don't know where this letter is from? - No.

So, you get registered letters and don't even know who they're from?

- No, imagine that. - Incredible!

But it's true.

My dear Perl, 5 years as a rifleman in Africa, that wouldn't hurt you!

My dear, I already have enough African riflemen at home. It's the same thing.

- Excuse me? - It's the same thing.

Ah, I see! Is that a hint?

Then say that I'm in the way here! Yes, yes, say it!

- My dear, if you insist... - Bernard, careful!

I'll tell you first... - Norbert is my kin!

And if you're rude to him, then you're rude to me too!

Moreover, Norber is here - at home!

- And where am I then? - Don't make me angry!

Your husband has the modest pride of a baker,

and I have the honor of a soldier!

I won't be called a parasite! I'm leaving!

You will immediately go and apologize to him!

I know him! In 5 minutes it will be too late!

- Good idea! Shall we wait? - Oh!

- And when do we eat? - Later!

Hello, madam.

Calm down, he didn't want to offend you!

No! I was raised in the school of honor! I don't speak lightly!

Especially when he hints at me! I'm leaving!

But you know Bernard doesn't matter!

- He will apologize. - No, he's at home here!

I was his guest, an unwanted guest,

I know what I must do - I'm leaving!

Hey kid!

Go get a taxi, you'll get 10 francs. - Okay, sir.

- Goodbye, madam. - Have a good evening.

- Are you Mr. Perl? - Yes, I am.

Masson Albert, artillery sergeant of the 32nd regiment.

Certified masseur in civilian life.

I'm Norber's friend, I came for the lieutenant's massage.

- Will he massage you? - No, of course, I will massage him. He asked me to come.

- Massage of what? - Mrs. Perl's massage!

- You want to massage my wife? - I'm a masseur!

What a reason! Who told you Mrs. Perl needs a massage?

The lieutenant himself! “Old man, come massage my cousin tomorrow!” So I came.

What am I getting into?

And you know, he added that such clients are rare! Lucky me.

- Oh, how funny! - Yes, very funny.

Do you think I will let my wife undress in front of a 32nd artilleryman? Are you joking?

But I'm a masseur! A masseur is not a man.

Yes, but I am a man. And my wife is a woman, and she is mine!

So no, you can go. It's a mistake.

I was told to come massage your wife. I came!

Now go massage your own!

What's going on? Who is this man?

Masson Albert, sergeant of the 32nd artillery regiment. Certified masseur.

Ah, I see! You came at Norber's request?

Yes, but it seems it won't work, the gentleman disagrees.

- Disagrees! - It doesn't matter.

With all this fuss I forgot to warn you.

- Did Norber tell you? - Yes, Norber thinks I'm too fat.

And I think so too. - Wait, who do you need to please, him or me?

Oh listen, that's not the point, Bernard!

Nowadays, my friend, all women get massages!

Do you think it's easy to stay in shape in a bakery?

- But you're not fat! - I am, especially here!

- Don't eat so many pastries! - Better eat pastries and get massages!

Pastries are the providence of the masseur, I would even say...

- So, old man, go! Go! - Bernard, you're annoying us!

Follow me, sir!

Don't worry, I've seen everything!

Come into my room, I'll be right there.

So, when do we eat?

- Are you hungry? - No, you ruined my appetite.

- Then what are you complaining about? - Juliette!

You will undress in front of him - I'm warning you...

No, sorry, I'm warning you: we are very close in my family.

If Norber, offended, leaves, it will be bad for everyone!

And Norber will leave if you don't apologize immediately!

What?! He enters my house uninvited, drinks my wine, makes me listen to his nonsense,

wants to strip my wife in front of a regimental friend,

who keeps circling around you, I'm not blind!

Yes. Calm down, I can defend myself!

Never mind! And on top of everything I still have to apologize?!

Perfect! Just perfect!

The nicer you are to women, the more they mock you!

And now madam imagines she needs a massage from a stupid artillery idiot?!

This is nonsense! I will not allow you to be rude to my family!

I have a sense of family! - Only it's one-sided!

Am I not part of your family? - No. We're not of the same blood!

That's his taxi. I advise you to let him go immediately.

Otherwise - see you soon!

Nothing can be done!

- Hi! - Going to town?

- No, I'm staying here. - Then why did you call me?

To shake your hand. We live in the same city and rarely see each other. Silly!

Stop joking, Perl. Time is running!

Alright, tell me how much I owe you. There was a mistake.

What, I can't call a taxi and then cancel it?!

- I do what I want! - Don't get angry.

- Here. Goodbye. - Thanks.

- Did you sign? - Yes, here.

Oh! The aunt died! It's the notary! - Your aunt died?

Yes! Yes, poor woman... Thank you. Goodbye.

For the priest I need first a crust less bread.

A crust less bread.

- Here. - Thank you.

- Hello madam! What would you like? - Mrs. Perl is already serving me.

- Great! - So I wanted crust less bread

and 20 gingerbread houses - for the charity fair.

Perfect! Here is a whole village for you.

- Your houses are a success! - A success. So, 24 houses,

- 48 houses... - No. I said 20!

I'm giving them for free, for the fair!

- The priest will be moved! - You're welcome.

I'm embarrassed by this unexpected generosity...

The parish priest himself will thank you! - Please, nothing special.