It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I don't know. What do you think?

It's kind of doing nothing for my hip area and making a mess of my boobs.

You know what? Why don't you go grab five more?

Look, we don't normally do this.

But I think I'm gonna need some proof that you're actually getting married.

What? Why?

Because you've been coming in here and trying on wedding dresses every Saturday...

for over a year now.

Yeah. That's 'cause it takes a really long time to plan a wedding.

Don't get up all over my balls, Lucy. Just go get the dresses.

When is the wedding? Soon.

Where? A church.

Which one? The nearby one.

The nearby one? Right down the street.

Spring Which street?

What's your fiance’s name? Sam.

What does he do? S-S-Salt.

Salt? Sea... salt. Sea salt.

He's a salt seaman.

He- He dives in to the ocean for the sea salt.

And then he brings it back up. And then we eat it.

So- Okay, I'm getting the manager.

Well, don't get the- Damn it.

- Dee Reynolds? - Yeah.

Brad Fisher. From high school.

Brad Fisher. No way.

Yeah. You look amazing.

Your acne cleared up really well.

I kinda grew into myself. Yes, you did. Yes, you did.

Why did I ever break up with you, you beefcake? It was because of the acne.

Was it because of the acne? Yeah. Yeah. Uh, when it got real bad,

you dumped me and you said it was 'cause I was gonna grow up to look like Edward James Olmos.

Well, I don't really remember saying exactly that.

It's- it's fine. We were kids. We were kids.

We were kids! Yeah.

We're not kids any more. No.

Great. Wow. So you're- you're getting married. Wow.

Yeah. Uh, no, I'm not. I'm not.

This is because I was. But that-that didn't work out.

Why are you asking? Are you single?

What's your situation? Um, I'm engaged.

But we're having a whole nontraditional kinda small thing.

So you should meet her. Babe. Well, nah...

- Yeah? - Come here for a second. I want you to meet a friend of mine.

What do you think of this one, Brad? It's beautiful, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Okay. All right.

Well, don't poke at it. Don't just poke...

Just get it safely into the box. Dude, you're gonna agitate the bees.

Well, I'm fine with the bees. It's the honey I don't want to agitate.

Is that your endgame here? Honey?

Yeah. I figure if we keep the hive in the basement, we'll always have honey.

We'll always have bees is what we'll always have.

Whoa! What? What?

I think I just saw a wasp. I think that was a wasp.

You see that? Looked like a wasp. Didn't look like a bee.

Is this a wasp nest? This is a wasp nest.

I'm out! I'm out! All right. Yeah, yeah.

I don't want to tangle with a bunch of wasps. Hey! Do-Do wasps make honey?

No. Wasps do not make honey.

All right. Well, I'm gonna check it out anyway.

There could be something delicious in here that wasps do make, and I want that.

Mac, Dennis, can I talk to you in the office, please?

Why can't we just talk right here? Yeah?

Because it's private. Ah, that sounds like a whole thing. I'm not into it.

Mmm. - Shit!

I just got stung! That was a hornet! This is a hornets nest!

Uh, you know what, guys? Why don't we step in the back office...

while Charlie deals with this whole hornet/wasp situation?

Yeah.

Oh. Oh, I'm a bad boy? I'm a bad boy?

Put some vegetable oil on it. That'll make you feel better. Okay. Bye, sexy.

Ohh. Who was that?

That's my booty call. We're into some really weird food fetish stuff.

Gross. Okay, you guys, listen up. We got a serious problem.

The waitress is getting married.

Oh, yeah. I heard about that. Artemis told me.

- Since when do you talk to Artemis? - She's my booty call.

Weird. We'll get into that later.

Right now, we gotta deal with this waitress situation.

Dee, why do you give a shit that the waitress is getting married?

She's been nothing but trouble for us. That's a good point.

She doesn't seem to get our sense of humor.

We do stuff that I think's funny. She doesn't. Hilarious!

Guys! I cannot believe you're not thinking about Charlie right now.

This is gonna crush him. What? You don't give a shit about Charlie.

All you care about is the fact the waitress is getting married before you. Right?

That or she's afraid that Charlie might blow his brains out.

And then she'd have to do all the Charlie work. Uh, that's what it is. Yeah.

Okay, fine. A: I do not want to do Charlie's work once he kills himself.

How could the waitress get married before me? I'm way hotter than she is.

And C: Get this. The guy she's marrying used to be my boyfriend.

You know what I just realized? I don't care about anything she's saying.

Not a bit. What I do care about is the fact that...

Charlie might go postal if he finds out about this and kill all of us.

Right. Shit. We're probably the ones at real risk here, huh?

Yeah. Okay. Well, maybe we should find something to distract him...

until the whole wedding thing blows over. Mm-hmm.

- Get him his own booty call. - Ohh!

Or at least another chick to stalk. Hey!

Great. In the meantime, I'll try and sabotage the wedding...

by luring Brad away from her. Ahh.

Dee, save yourself the embarrassment. Yeah, yeah.

Let's- Watch out for the hornets.

Yeah. Don't push me.

Hey-oh!

Hey, what's- Ahh!

What are you doing there, buddy?

I'm trying to smoke these hornets to death so I can get their honey.

They keep flying up the tube, stinging me on my face. I think I just swallowed one.

As I tried to explain before, you cannot get honey from a hornets nest.

I just don't think there's any science to support that, buddy.

There's some very basic science out there supporting that. No.

No. Trust me, pal.

It's a fact. It's not even science. Why are you bothering...

getting into it with him? I don't know. I just feel like...

Charlie, we're gonna get you back on the dating scene, bro.

What do you think about that? Yeah. That's actually why we're here.

I don't see why. I got the waitress, guys.

Yeah. Yeah, right.

Sure, right. Uh, yeah, totally.

We thought maybe you could meet somebody new. Yeah.

Someone you like even more than the waitress.

I don't see how that's possible.

But I tell you what, let me pop a quick “H” on this box.

This way we all know it's filled with the hornets.

Okay? Okay, yeah. Do what you gotta do.

These things sting like a bitch, man.

First thing we gotta do is take your picture for the profile. So...

Ahh. So, do you have the makeup?

- Yeah. - Oh, no makeup! Come on.

Well, those hornet stings are pretty bad, buddy. So I think we're gonna have to...

Yeah. But I am who I am.

Right. But- Yeah, but...

Let's do who you are minus the hornet stings.

Let's pretend you're not who you are and just try to attract a woman.

I tell you what. What if I wore a checkered hat and I smoked a pipe? That'd work.

Why would you want a checkered hat and a pipe?

You know, for the Sherlock Holmes look.

Why would you want to look like Sherlock Holmes?

- Who are you trying to attract exactly? - Intelligent women.

Okay. I'm just gonna take the photo right now without the makeup...

- and see if he likes it. Ready? - Yeah.

- Ooh, that felt good. Was that sexy? - That? very...

That felt sexy. We'll Photoshop it.

Yeah, I can see where this is going.

Let's just not do that. We'll just Photoshop it.

Let's- Let's- You want to take another one?

No. No. We'll find another picture that we can use and that'll be fine.

Yeah. Let's talk about your likes and dislikes.

- How about your favorite food. What would that be? - Oh, milk steak.

Hmm? Hmm? What?

- Milk steak. - I'm not putting milk steak.

Just put steak. Just put regular steak. And then- I'm gonna put steak.

Put milk steak. She'll know what it is.

She won't know. Nobody knows what that is. She'll know what it is.

No- Okay, all right. What's your favorite hobby?

Uh, magnets.

Magnets? Okay, what, like making magnets, collecting magnets?

Playing with magnets? Just magnets.

I'm gonna put snowboarding. We'll put snowboarding. I don't really snowboard.

- All right, what are some of your likes? - Uh, ghouls.

Son of a bitch. What are you talking about now?

You know, funny little green ghouls, go- What?

- What, like in movies and cartoons? What are you- - Little green ghouls, buddy.

Don't write ghouls! I'm not. I'm putting travel.

- Jesus Christ! What are your dislikes? - People's knees.

Come on! Come on! You gotta be kidding. You know what?

We'll make it up. We'll make the whole thing up. Let's get out of here!

We'll doctor the picture. We're not even gonna use you.

Cover your knees up if you're gonna be walking around everywhere.

Where are you?

Come on.

Bingo, bitch.

- Hey! - - Hey.

You guys, how are you?

All right, calm down! I'll be two seconds!

Anyway, hi! How are you? What are you doing?

Okay, so listen up. I was thinking since, Brad, you were saying...

how your wedding was gonna be all poor or boring or dull or whatever it was you were...

You said our wedding was gonna be dull? I said it was gonna be small.

Small! Yup, that's exactly what it was.

I was thinking I could help you guys out by throwing you a bachelorette party!

Brad, you can totally come since you guys decided to do that nontraditional mumbo jumbo.

I think we're good. You know what, though.

I kinda would like to meet some of your friends.

Hold on here. Hold on. What am I hearing?

You haven't met some of her great friends?

It's just because this happened really quickly.

Is it a yes or a no? 'Cause you're kinda holding up traffic here. It's- It's rude.

Come on, lady! Well...

Look, I think it sounds great. It sounds like fun. Okay, perfect!

Wonderful! We've got a deal. See you guys tomorrow night, my place, at 8:00.

Bye, Brad. Good to see you.

Okay! Calm down, dick wads! It wasn't that bad!

Deandra, you got any bacon bits?

We like to put 'em in Artemis's hair and they rain down on me when we bang.

I feel like a Cobb salad. It's amazing.

Okay. I have no idea why anyone would want to feel like a Cobb salad.

But whatever, that's good. Bring that up when Brad's here.