Jesy Nelson: Life After Little Mix

I just remember thinking, "Jesy, this is a very, very big audition."

"You need to nail this."

So I just practised in my room

for hours and hours on end

over and over and over again.

It just terrified the shit out of me.

'Cause I knew that this moment could change my life forever.

And it did.

- Hello. - Hello.

- What's your name? - I'm Jesy.

But just not in the way that I hoped for.

Why do you wanna do this documentary?

I'm just at a place in my life

where I feel like I'm ready to, like, let people in again.

This is a whole new chapter of my life.

I feel like now I'm ready to tell my side of the story.

- -And here is Little Mix, everybody.

Felt like it went…

They may call themselves "Little," but they're huge.

They've sold over 45 million records worldwide.

They have more than half a billion views.

Today, the special live… Little Mix.

…Little Mix!

The biggest girl group on the planet.

These girls are my best friends.

Long may it continue. I love you guys so much.

You see 'em up on stage and they're smiling.

How are we feeling?

And you've got no idea what's going on behind closed doors.

From day one, she was just a target.

So many times she'd just say to me, "I just want the pain to just go away."

I couldn't see another way.

It was like my body was telling me, "Stop."

I can just see a calmness and a happiness in her now.

Did you have to dance in that?

Oh, my gosh.

I just wore this and nothing else.

I'm joking.

It will be two baby girls.

-Say hello. -Hi.

What's the percentage of them, like, surviving?

If we do nothing,

90 to 95% of the time, unfortunately,

-both babies don't make it. -Yeah.

If something was to go wrong now,

I dread to think what it would be like.

Just gets harder.

My brain literally can't compute not having these babies.

She's one of the most strongest women that I know.

She's had a bloody rough ride.

Jesy Nelson had to leave a performance

after suffering from a panic attack.

-I just feel a lot of pressure. -Don't think of it. No.

Jesy Nelson's being accused of so-called blackfishing.

Jesy, you'll make it look worse for yourself.

Jesy Nelson has quit the girl group Little Mix.

So, why did you leave Little Mix?

So I've never spoken about this.

Just give me a minute.

So, about my grey hair,

I actually think this is the longest

-I've ever left my hair. -I didn't realise how grey it was.

-Thanks, Chris. -

Bloody…

Only at the front, the most important bit of 'em.

It's so frustrating because I'm not allowed to dye my hair.

The doctors literally said… …I'm not allowed to do it…

So annoying.

…because if the hair dye got into my bloodstream

then it can affect the babies.

Also, I can't find anything that fits me.

So, actually, what I've been doing is wearing pyjama bottoms

and styling it out with, like, a baggy tee.

-What, outside? -Yeah, I did yesterday.

-To the shops? -I had a pair of Primark pyjamas on.

I got grey hairs so young though.

-Like, I think I got it at 25, 26. -Yeah.

Aw… They're learning all our tricks now. The cat's out the bag.

I'm just a haggard old mum with grey hair now.

- -I'm not a pop star anymore.

You are human after all.

Look at the size of her knickers… …that she's wearing.

Look at them bad boys.

- She's gonna love you for that. -I know.

I really never, ever thought she would have children, never,

but I've never actually seen her so happy and content.

When we knew she was making a documentary,

straight away, I was like, "No, why? Why do you want

people in your home,

people given the opportunity to make comments 'cause they're gonna?

Why, when you're so happy?"

And she said, "Mum, it's not about money. It's not about anything like that."

And she goes, "People just know me from horrible pictures,

horrible things they've heard.

They don't know the truth.

I just want the truth to be out there and I want people to know me

as I really am."

I love this.

Yeah, really nice looking down as well.

-Should we try some hands on bellies, huh? -Mm-hmm.

This might be a really stupid question,

but could you actually see that I'm pregnant?

- No, not really. -

No, 'cause I don't know what it looks like sitting down.

-Yeah, you look amazing. -Okay.

Do you enjoy the feeling of being pregnant?

Like I wouldn't say it's, like, easy, but I really like feeling like a mum.

I'm so protective.

And it's so weird because before, I always used to,

when my friends would be pregnant, I'd be like, "Oh, my God."

The thought of someone… a baby kicking me inside would really freak me out.

But I think you're never lonely, and I love that feeling.

I just… Yeah, I love chatting to them.

That sounds a bit weird.

Are they gonna be boys or girls?

-Girls. -No way.

-Did you have a preference? -Yeah, I wanted girls.

Girls will never leave you, boys do.

Like, I'm with my mum 24-7…

-Yeah, true actually. -…me and my sister, whereas boys

just, like, get to a certain age and they sod off.

This is really nice.

-This is cute as well. -Yeah, I love that one.

Weirdly, I feel like since I've been pregnant,

I care less about how I look.

I love, love, love that one.

-Oh, my God, my belly looks colossal. -

Since becoming a mum and being pregnant, I'm just…

I don't really give a shit anymore.

- That must be very freeing. - It is. It's lovely.

I just don't care about me anymore. Like, I just care about them.

All the other shit don't matter.

Singer Jesy Nelson has quit the girl group Little Mix

after she said constant pressure had affected her mental health.

The singer who's been in the group for nine years

said she found living up to expectations very hard.

Before I got pregnant, I was lost. I felt really lost.

I felt like I didn't have a purpose.

I was very, very depressed when I was in the band,

so when I left, I immediately felt, like, a little happier,

like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Wow.

They're really nice.

Bloody hell.

And then I met Zion.

And I'm not gonna say, "Oh, I was just instantly happy,"

because Zion's been through so much shit with me.

Super cute.

I find it so hard to be serious with you.

Whenever I'm with Zi, I just wanna be silly.

I'm just not gonna look at you anymore 'cause I actually can't.

Because if I look at you, I'm just gonna laugh.

But I feel like now that we're having babies,

genuinely, like, hand on my heart, this is, without a doubt,

the best thing that ever happened to me.

Just been trying to organise things. She wants all these trainers packed away.

When you're a mum, you wanna get all your house ready.

It's like a nesting thing, isn't it?

Missy Elliot boots. She just loved Missy Elliot.

From about 12, she was just obsessed with her,

always obsessed with that kind of music and she's always loved hip-hop.

So there's a pair here…

This is when she did a video, "Boyz."

These are really nice,

but, sadly, we don't get them out because of all the bad press around it

and it's… it's just sad.

But anyway, we don't touch those. We leave those in there.

I think that was for one of the performances they did.

They all had 'em with their names on it. It's got " The X Factor " on there.

From really, really young, like, as young as I can remember,

she's constantly singing, constantly dancing around the house,

always happy and bubbly and funny and always mucking around.

Jes, you look so pretty.

Oh, Tinker Bell, you look so lovely.

You're so pretty.

From really young, I feel like I've always been, like, a drama queen.

And not in a sense of causing drama.

Hello.

I've just always wanted to entertain people.

Like it's just in me.

- Do you know any magic spell? -Yeah.

-What are they? -Abracadabra.

Go on then.

Abracadabra, may you have some merry.

What's this?

She used to belong to a little theatre school.

I think it was called… yeah, Rhodes Theatre School.

So it's little shows she was in from there.

The first time I sang ever to anyone was when I was eight years old

and I went to, like, a little part-time theatre school.

But then as soon as I got up on stage and saw everyone looking at me…

…I just cracked.

Literally, my voice broke,

and I remember the whole audience going quiet

'cause they were like, "Aw, bless her."

That put the fear of God in me, and from there, like,

I just could never get over that that was never gonna happen again.

But performing was always like a thing that I knew I had to do.

And I didn't know what it was.