Mr. Mayor

Yet again we're seeing record-high temperatures

here in the Southland, Mayor Bremer.

Is it global warming or God punishing Hollywood for its many sins?

Andrea, this heat wave is putting a lot of stress

on the electrical grid.

We're all suffering.

Uh, but we all... we all have to do our, uh... our part,

you know, to conserve energy.

Even... even here at... at City Hall, we are...

Jayden.

Sorry. Well, we're turning the AC off, uh...

during peak hours and rolling blackouts have...

- It's too hot in there. - The mayor is...

Yeah, rolling blackouts have... have happened.

Anyway, do your part. Stay cool, L.A.

Thank you in advance for your patience.

The city's free cooling center will be open soon.

The website said 10:00 to 6:00.

What I'm hearing is the website works.

But we did have a little problem with our vendor.

The tent we ordered is currently being used

at a For Your Consideration event

for "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel."

I promise we will get it back

as soon as Tony Shalhoub finishes the Q&A.

Mr. Tomás?

Uh, we have lukewarm bags of water that were once ice.

Bad news... Shalhoub is taking questions about "Monk" now.

They did 125 episodes. That could take all day.

We got to get some kind of structure down here now.

Okay, my guy's at the warehouse, and he found a tent.

It's from the last "Real Housewives" reunion

so it had some hair and blood on it.

- Hose it down, make it work. - You got it.

All right, a solution is in the works.

Mikaela, you've been online dating for a very long time.

I got to the end of Hinge.

Well, I joined this dating app, but...

You're getting mixed messages?

Like, you think you swiped on a single guy, but it turns out

it's a couple looking for a third,

and at first, you're like, "No way", but then you're like,

"I don't know, at least everyone's being honest here."

No, actually, it's been going great.

Awesome, me too.

Yeah, I've been matched with so many lovely ladies.

Cool, cool, being a man seems cool.

But flirting online is just so different.

All this texting instead of meeting in person.

Yep, I prefer to meet women the old-fashioned way.

Selling candy bars while they're eating outside

at a restaurant and their boyfriend's in the bathroom.

See, I'm trying to find something real here,

but I can't get out of the small-talk stage.

All these women keep asking me to tell them what street

I grew up on and my mother's maiden name,

which seems a little weird,

but I just don't know what's normal anymore.

- Mm... - Yeah, please.

Oh, honey.

Wait, we're allowed to call him honey?

No. Absolutely not.

Sorry, it's just... it's a scam.

These are bots... you're flirting with robots

that are trying to steal your identity.

Wait, there's nothing wrong with robots, okay?

I've had a thing for that Star Tours droid for years.

Oh, no. I'd like to see a bot with a figure like this.

That's probably just a stolen image.

Yeah, that's the lady from the sexy senior asthma commercials.

Now I have enough breath to blow a kiss.

Oh, Ventilify.

I'm on that, but it's to inhibit hair growth.

Oh, this profile's using a pic of her, too.

No, no, I've messaged with this gal.

- She's a flight attendant. - No, that's the same actress.

She also plays a flight attendant

in the Delta Air Lines safety video.

So buckle up for fun

because fun is as good as on time.

Wait, I Googled her.

Her name is Angelica Masters, and she's

on the Champagne Chestnut box of L'Oréal hair dye.

So many of these fake accounts use her pictures.

I guess the algorithm knows what it's doing.

She's basically a Chico's supermodel.

This is unacceptable.

They're toying with people's feelings.

I thought an actual woman wanted to know

the name of my first pet!

You know something?

I'm in a position to do something about this.

And someone has to let Angelica Masters know.

Are you sure, sir?

We really should be dealing with these blackouts.

- Hey, Kathy. - What?

Get... get Angelica Masters!

That was intense.

How'd you stay so calm back there?

Experience. Faith in the process.

I'm gonna duck into this mini mart for a second.

You want anything?

I'll go with you.

That's not what I asked. Do you want anything?

I want to see the choices!

Looks like they got some cool stuff in the back there.

I'm seeing corn nuts, washer fluid,

fake Academy Awards for people with common Western names.

No, I just want a cold drink.

Hey, Arpi.

Four Ladybug Luck scratchers coming up.

I think you're mistaking me for another tiny Arpi.

Oh, you. I love that you take time to joke.

I think we'd be friends

even if you didn't buy lottery tickets every day.

Okay, fine. Now you know my secret shame.

An emotional affair with a convenience store clerk?

No. It's the scratchers, okay?

They're my thing. These will pay for those.

Okay, see you tomorrow, Arpi!

I know they're a waste of money

and a regressive tax on the poor

but after a hellish morning like we just had,

I need a little win...

or a loss... it doesn't even matter.

These keep me sane, so stop judging me.

I'm not judging anyone. Some people need vices to cope.

Oh, but you don't?

What can I say? Some of us are just well adjusted.

#BuiltDifferent.

Free ticket!

Are you at least being smart about this?

- What does that mean? Scratchers are random.

Well, I read this article

that there are ways to game the system.

You know, buy in bulk, chat up store owners to see

which locations are due to hit, choose new games over old.

Well, shoot, I'm gonna have to give those tricks a try.

- Ooh, is that cold? - Yeah, I just got it.

Coping mechanism.

Look, obviously, I get why they use your picture.

Well, it's been going on for a while.

I appeal to sex-positive seniors,

senior-curious millennials, and meme-loving incels.

I just hate that my photo is being used to catfish people

and that the name

of my favorite fish now means something so dark.

Well, if you feel that strongly,

maybe we could team up.

Well, I happen to be in town shooting a commercial

for the new Depends thong.

I suppose I could record something later this week.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Uh, I'll... I'll have

my comms department get in touch with your people.

Well, there is just one issue.

How do I know that you're not a bot?

Maybe send me a bunch of pictures

and have me click on all the stop signs.

Or we could meet in person.

Do you eat dinner?

Every night, except when I fall asleep on the couch.

Great, I'll see you tonight.

I must say, though

while I'm not a robot, I am a machine...

in bed.

Morning.

Whoa, someone's in a good mood.

It's me. I had breakfast churros.

Why did I wait so long to date women my own age?

Oh, because you're rich, sir.

I had a fantastic night with Angelica.

You know, when you're with someone your own age,

you connect in such a different way.

Like about wills and stuff?

Like about our favorite books and music

and how all other generations are the worst.

I'm telling you, I think this could be something special.

Okay, so, just to summarize,

you've been on an app for one week.

You got catfished using a picture of an actress,

but then you just met that actress and took her out.

Where do you even take a commercial queen?

I mean, she's already twirled through a field of daisies.

Actually, we never even left the hotel room.

- Are you gonna be a dad? - Okay.

Gross/congratulations, sir, but the office is not the place

to discuss your one-night stand.

I think you mean first-night stand.

If this were a one-night stand,

would we have been texting all morning?

Ah, I don't really see a we texting here.

I see you triple-texting

in exchange for a thumbs-up reaction?

Yeah, so? What's better than a thumbs-up?

Right, Jayden?

Oh my God, thank you, sir!

1,000 buckaroos.

Last night, I followed your advice,

and I hit it big on scratchers.