10 Years

Woman: You want one with you in it?

No.

- I'm good. - Okay.

Bean dip.

- I got you good. - Jesus Christ.

That was such a good one.

My God.

My God.

- Give me a minute. - How was your flight?

It was fine. Come here. How was yours?

- It was good. - Good to see you.

It was good.

- Let's get your bag. - Thanks.

Glad you made an effort. What are you wearing?

I didn't know we were going to a Bar Mitzvah.

It's a Bat Mitzvah.

Um, I'm actually, like...

I'm, like, a few hundred miles away right now.

I jumped on a flight this morning and I'm gonna be gone for the day.

But I'll be back tomorrow, so don't worry about it.

God, dude.

28 shows in 30 days. Have I missed one?

Have I missed one?

No, no. I'm not burned out.

I just have to-- I just needed to come home for a sec.

Woman: So this is the high school, huh?

It looks like a mental ward.

Hey, do you really-- do you like this car?

Yeah, I like the car. Why?

I don't know. It's just-- that didn't sound very convincing.

- Woman: No, baby, I like the-- - 'Cause I loved my other car.

- What are you looking for? - Do you have any gum?

Wait-- wait a minute. I got--

- What do you-- gum? It's right here. - Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks for coming with me.

Well, I'm excited to meet everybody.

Finally get some dirt on you.

- You want some? - No. I really don't want that.

- Have it. Have it. - That's really gross.

Woman on P.A.: Boarding all rows for flight...

Hey, where-- where's Emily?

She had to work at the hospital this weekend. She can't come.

What? That frickin' sucks.

What, are you gonna cry about it?

I'm disappointed.

I'm not disappointed. It's the two of us. It's gonna be great.

- No, I know-- - It's like old times.

Just you and me, ese.

Okay, "paPl"

Okay, "Cholo." What, are you cultivating a new reunion personality?

People say "ese." People say ese all the time.

Okay. Yes, Jason.

Listen, man. I gotta-- I gotta go.

We just passed it--

Aw--!

My God.

What's up, man?

Damn, you got fat, sucker.

I got fat? What, did you eat one of your kids?

- I'm sexy. Hi, honey. - What-- hi.

- How you doing? - Good to see you again.

- Welcome home. Come in. - Sure.

Man: You guys.

Hey, look who's here.

- Hi! -Woman: Hi!

Jake: Samantha.

Jess: It's so good to see you again.

So good to see--

That is a cute sweater vest.

- They're in matching sweaters. - Jake: Just like his daddy.

- They're in matching sweaters. - What up, Sammy?

I'm so happy to see you.

Too bad you didn't come with a shotgun.

- I'm so happy you guys are here. - I'd blow my brains out.

Come on. All right, all right. Enough about the kid.

- Come check this out. - Samantha: Go say hi--

Hi, darling. - Samantha: Lilly, say hi to Aunt Jess.

Yeah, that's the other one.

It's cool. You don't have to--

- Lilly, baby. - It's all right.

She don't care, you don't care. She's not gonna remember.

Okay.

Okay, okay. Shh.

There he is.

- Is that you, buddy? - Jake?

- Man, how are you? Good? - Long time no see.

- Hi, I'm Jess. - Scott.

Scott? Nice to meet you.

- Suki. - Suki, nice to meet you. --

- you're the one that lives in Japan. - Yes.

No. Not from me, man.

I see you every day. I got you on Google Alert.

- Yeah? - Is that weird?

- That's totally weird, dude. - Is it weird?

Naw, it's not weird. My mom's got me on Google Alert.

My God. We've been trying to get out there for so long.

It just-- I don't know, hasn't happened.

Aw, don't worry about it. You got time.

- You got time. I'm not going anywhere. - Is it amazing?

Jake: Don't worry about it. I don't come back, either,

and I live in driving distance.

- Ladies first. - Thank you.

Jake: Wait a minute. Is that who I think it is out there?

My God. Look who it is.

- Marty: Aw, Jacob. - What is going on?

- Hey, look who's here. Look who's here. - Jake: You're in trouble right here.

Dude, things must be going great, man. You look fantastic.

Um, can I say I can't complain without sounding like I'm bragging?

- 'Cause I can't complain.

How long did it take you guys to drive in?

About an hour, hour and a half. There was a little bit of traffic.

Marty: Hour and a half. That's not nearly enough.

You gotta get away from here, Jake.

You gotta run away and not look back.

You're better than that is what I'm trying to say.

Cully, really? What is in here?

- Nut up, bro. - This is straight vodka.

No, there's a little bit of soda in it.

You're gonna have so much fun at Grandma and Grandpa's.

Yes, you are.

Mommy's gonna have a night without you.

She loves you, but she needs to be with some adults, doesn't she?

Hey, hey, guys. We got an idea.

Is there any way we can sneak some of this booze in?

Isn't there-- there's an open bar, right?

I know that. It's the principle of the thing.

Yeah, we did it in high school for like, every event.

Why would we not do it now? 'Cause we're too "mature"?

- We're adults? - Exactly.

Hey, do you have any flasks?

'Cause I feel like we're each gonna need one.

I can't find anything with a lid. How you doing?

- Nothing. - I'm sorry, you guys.

I got two kids and a wife who doesn't let me drink in public anymore.

- Shocking. - I made an exception for tonight,

which I'm beginning to think was a mistake.

I found this, but I need something small enough to fit down my pants comfortably.

Samantha: Are you touching yourself in front of my children?

Marty: I'm not doing it sexually.

What's your kid got over there?

- Could we get a ride? - It's good.

My mom dropped us off.

Wow, so ninth grade of you.

I actually haven't driven a car since I moved to Tokyo.

Yeah, I don't own a car.

That's what happens when you live in an actual city.

I live in New York City, Snooki.

- Great. Then you can drive. - How does that make sense?

Hey, no, no, no, no. Don't leave.

God damn it.

I thought we were gonna go together.

Sam and I just gotta drop the kids off with her mom.

It's only gonna be a minute. They live like, two miles away.

Mom.

She's coming. Mommy's coming. You're a big boy.

Hey, listen. You don't have to pretend to like my kids.

So cute. No, man. It's completely genuine.

- Come on, Bubba. I know. - He's awesome.

I'm not saying I don't think they're cool. They're super cool.

I love the shit out of 'em. But it doesn't mean you have to.

You know what I mean? So, where'd you park?

I took a cab.

Can we turn this off, please, honey?

Did you not put the night light in here?

Pfft, pfrt, Pf"-

- Cully: Please turn this off. - Samantha: Shoot.

My mother still doesn't have one. Reeves, I think we have your CD in here.

- I know he listens to it all the time. - Reeves: God, no. Please, no.

Bro, we're listening to your CD.

Pfft, 0h!

I'm playing it right now.

- No, please don't. - Come on, man.

- Don't. No, no, no, no, no. - I wanna listen to it with you.

I don't wanna hear that shit. Come on.

You're gonna cause a commotion at this thing tonight.

- You know that? - Yeah.

I wasn't gonna come, man. I had no intention of coming.

- I just...

you know, I got the itch.

Yeah, dude. I know exactly what you mean.

I actually got a lot of work to do tonight.

Work to do?

Yeah, I don't know how well you remember this,

but apparently I guess I was kind of an asshole in high school.

"Kind of an asshole," honey?

I loved you guys, but kinda hated you, didn't I?

- Got the night light? - Yes.

- Awesome. - I-- aw, I forgot his poo-poo.

God damn it. Honey, we gotta go.

His "poo-poo"?

It's his blankie. Yeah.

You gonna get your poo-poo, buddy?

- Reeves: That's hilarious. - Yeah.

Cully: This is gonna be good. It's gonna be good.

I'm gonna apologize to some people tonight and I'm gonna mean it.

So who you going for tonight?

What do you mean?

What do you mean, what do I mean?

You're like, a single, handsome, interesting, funny guy.