Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Are you ready for this one? Dottie's daughter, Anne, is getting divorced.

Hate to say, "I told you so," but I told you so.

You know, we should fix her up with Bernice's son.

What's his name? The doctor.

Oh, Vince. And he's not a doctor, he's a pharmacist.

Although that might appeal to Anne.

Pop, pop, pop.

Greg, you are such a crack-up.

Forget Anne, who should we fix him up with, huh?

Oh, now, Stella, you know I'm still getting over the tragic loss of my wife.

She was such a strong female woman with nice, heavy breasts.

Who's that?

Oh, that's my neighbor. Hey, Larry.

Ah. Hey.

Greb? Greg.

Ah! That was it. I'm not sure why I have so much trouble remembering.

Probably 'cause our relationship is so casual. Mmm.

Morning, ladies. Hi.

Uh, do a lap without me.

I need to talk to Larry about an issue with our shared fence.

Larry, I need to talk to you about an issue with our shared fence.

Yes, I also need to discuss this shared-fence issue with you.

Okay, they're out of earshot. Why are you up so early?

No reason. Just excited to face a new day.

Oh, because ever since we've been down here,

you've been a little depressed.

Have I?

No, no, no. Don't eat the burrito.

I'm disgusting!

Okay, fine, I may have had a teensy bit of trouble

adjusting when we first got here

for, like, six teensy, little months,

but I took your advice, and I got a job.

Doing what? I sell ATVs now. Huh?

Well, the truth is, these little babies sell themselves.

They're super fun, and they're a lot safer than you might think.

If you're standing next to one.

If you're driving it,

it's actually much more dangerous than you could possibly imagine.

Well, a job is good.

I know being stuck down here in Florida isn't ideal,

but we need to make the best of it.

In fact, I'm applying for a promotion at my new job.

Ah, very noice.

And if all goes well, tonight, you might be neighbors

with Greg Stickney, Assistant Manager.

Very double noice. Mmm.

Well, I'm off to work.

Might want to stand back. You're kind of in the blast zone here.

Don't want to forget the strap. (ENGINE IDLING)

Safety first. That's what I always... Okay. (TIRES SCREECH)

Whoa!

You deserve this promotion. Now, go in there and get it.

Give 'em hell, Greg.

Good morning, Carly, Tanny.

Looks like you're keeping the machines

running smoothly. Whatever.

Carly will be the first to go.

Excuse me, sir, there's something I'd like to talk to you about.

Uh, one second. I'm busy.

At the buzzer!

Suck it, Chase, you dirty, little hippie.

Uh, yes, well, um...

As you know, I've been here for four months,

and I think I'm a model employee.

Oh, no doubt. No doubt.

You had the idea to install sinks in the bathrooms. I love that.

Yes, what I'm getting at is, I'd like to be Assistant Manager.

Are you serious?

Oh, I just never expected you to be interested in management.

I mean, you don't seem like the type of person

who's really interested in leadership roles.

Really? Anyone who knows me would say the opposite.

I'm very hardworking.

Yeah, when you're not totally blazed.

I assure you that's not me.

Okay, tell that to the "Count Blunt-ula" T-shirt

that you were rocking last week?

It was the only thing in Lost and Found.

A child and his father threw up on me.

Okay, I'll think about it.

Management. Full of surprises, Greg.

Hello. KAREN: (OVER PHONE) Go to location one now.

Marshal Haas.

Greg.

Larry. I can't hear you. Can you hear me?

I cannot hear you.

What did you say? We can't hear you.

I can't hear you. I think my engine's too loud.

It's your engine! Turn off your engine.

I don't know how to turn off the engine. We should talk in your car.

Let's all talk in my car.

Let's talk in the Marshal's car.

I think we should talk in her...

Okay. Let's go over the normal checklist stuff.

Have you had any contact

with anyone from your previous life? BOTH: No.

Has anyone questioned your current identity,

either in person or online? No.

Pop quiz. Greg, where did you go to college?

Ohio State, where I majored in...

...Communications. Perfect.

Larry, what's your favorite movie?

Uh, Die Hard. Wrong.

Jake's favorite movie is Die Hard.

I asked you for Larry's favorite movie.

Two people can have the same favorite movie.

They can, but they don't.

Larry's favorite movie is Failure to Launch.

Say it. Say, "My favorite movie is Failure to Launch."

My favorite movie is Failure to Launch. (GULPS)

I wish I could believe you.

Moving on, three weeks ago, an informant told the FBI

where to find Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis.

Acting on that lead, 50 federal agents and I raided a warehouse in Paramus.

It was awesome.

So, you got him. It's over. We can go home?

No, sorry. Figgis wasn't there. The raid was awesome.

Caught up with a lot of dudes I don't normally get to see.

Yeah, but do you know what happened to Figgis?

No, but what we do know is that Figgis was never there.

Our intel was wrong from minute one.

Is there any way we could help with the investigation?

No, absolutely not.

Your involvement would endanger your lives and this case.

I'm sorry,

but it looks like Larry and Greg will be in Florida indefinitely.

Pop quiz, Larry. Who's the female lead in Failure to Launch?

Kate Hudson? Sarah Jessica Parker, man!

God, it's like you want to die.

So, we're in Florida indefinitely. You okay?

I squirt-anly am.

Poor choice of words, but the sentiment remains.

What? You were right. It's the job. It keeps me focused.

Well, good, I'm glad to hear it. Yep.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to drive this Bee-otch back to work.

What?

Oh, sorry. This is the Ikura Bee-otch 5000.

Brand-new model. Just came in.

I was going to go for the 10000,

but that Bee-otch is way too fancy.

See you soon!

Hey, babe.

Okay, Jimmy Figgis. Where the hell are you?

Oh, Larry.

So, I marched in there and I told him

I wanted that Assistant Manager position.

I wish my son had your backbone.

Then he could finally divorce Emily.

What does he see in her, anyway?

Probably her breasts, which are heavier than average.

I don't mean to be crude, ladies,

but that's just how the straight mind works.

Oh, hey, Larry. Ah, hello, Groot.

Greg. Right.

Is there an issue with our shared fence that we must discuss?

No, our shared fence is fine. I'm just off to work.

Is there something going on at the ATV lot?

Yes, uh, having a sale on

big, old springs.

Shocks. Right. I knew that.

I was just dumbing it down for you. At any rate, I am off.

Honk, honk. I don't know where the horn is.

What the... ATVs?

The only thing you're selling is a huge pile of bunk.

How did you get here so fast?

You were walking. I was power-walking.

Roll heel, ball, toe, roll heel, ball, toe.

I was already suspicious

about your new positive attitude towards Florida,

a state you once described as "America's stinky butt."

But then, after we met the Marshal,

you said something very strange.

It was "squirt-anly," wasn't it?

No, something much stranger.

You were right.

I knew then that you were up to something, so I followed you here.

I guessed the combination on the first try.

Sixty-nine-sixty-nine.

June 9th, 1969,

the day my parents got married. No, it isn't.

My mom's birthday. No.

The Moon landing. Nope.

Fine, you're right. It's a completely random number.

But look, the feds are useless.

They're never going to catch Figgis, so I'm working the case.

I want to get home and see Amy. Don't you want to see Kevin?

Of course I do. But we were told not to get involved.

Why can't you just follow orders?

Because I hate this stupid place, and I've got to get out.

This town's claim to fame is that its mayors keep dying,

and no one knows why. That's insane!

You're selfish, and you're putting my life at risk.

So, no, you're not getting those files back.

I suggest you accept the reality of this situation

and make the best of it.

Snap out of it! And get a job.

Okay. Interesting idea. I wonder who's hiring.

Hey, everyone, just want to introduce you

to our new Assistant Manager, Larry Sherbet.