Afternoon (那日下午)

How can we imagine the filming crew isn't here?

I will start the conversation, of course.

Kang, I see that your toes are yellow.

That's right.

Because I soaked them in sulfur.

The kind used to treat athlete's foot.

It's all because of you.

All because of your play, The Monk From Tang Dynasty.

I had to walk barefoot every day.

I walked until my feet became blistered.

The sulfur stops my feet from rotting.

They used to apply makeup on my feet

to make it look like I've trudged through hard terrain.

Now it's not necessary anymore.

It's still necessary.

Aren't they rotten enough?

Let me see your soles.

Are they itchy?

Of course, and there are blisters as well.

Even on the sides?

Those are blisters from rubbing against my shoes.

As I was sitting here earlier, before you joined me...

I felt like I wanted to have a conversation with you.

I felt a little...

You probably don't know what I'm thinking of.

I think I do.

You mentioned earlier that you wanted to...

talk about your last wishes.

Recently, I've been getting this strong feeling

that I may be dying soon.

It took me a while...

to calm myself down.

It's as if...

I'm getting myself ready.

Perhaps it's because of the book.

I began to write down my thoughts.

I thought of my grandpa this morning as I swept the floor.

When my grandpa was suffering from dementia.

It wasn't what he had forgotten that impacted me the most.

It wasn't that he had forgotten who I was

or the many strange things he did

like mixing salt into the rice jar

or pouring coffee powder into the salt, making everyone mad.

One time he passed motion on the floor.

My grandma and I had to clean up the mess.

And then he disappeared. It was none of those things.

The thing that impacted me the most was when he...

When he swept the floor.

He would sweep the road when he got up in the morning.

Outside our old flat...

The corridor?

Not the corridor. From our door to that brick wall,

remember?

The one in the ending frame of Walking on Water.

He swept all the way there.

I have the habit of sweeping the floor too.

So I suddenly recalled his image.

He did this every day.

We felt safer when he went sweeping the road

because he'd always come back.

He never swept the inside of our flat.

I don't recall ever seeing him sweep inside.

It was probably my grandma who did it inside.

That's what he did during his last days, just sweeping.

I have the habit of sweeping the floor every morning

no matter how clean the floor is.

I've always wondered what this action meant to me.

It's like sweeping up the dust.

I don't like visiting the home of someone who doesn't sweep.

Our world is always dirty, so we have to sweep constantly.

Now we're doing the play, The Monk From Tang Dynasty.

We have been making films together for so long

and we have filmed all kinds of subjects.

Masturbation... homosexuals...

You hiding under a bed while a couple made love...

and even the porn film industry.

When we came to the subject of Xuanzang, I felt...

and especially because it is with you...

Xuanzang is a...

I think when you're close to death...

I don't know what's happening to me.

I want to sort out this feeling...

I'm sorry, it feels like I'm acting in front of the camera.

I've become used to facing the camera now.

I didn't use to.

I'm glad because...

It's like a training for me...

I often pointed the camera at you but I didn't like facing it myself.

But now I'm used to it.

I've been thinking a lot.

Recently, I've had this strong feeling...

Before we made Stray Dogs , I fell seriously ill.

I felt better when we began filming.

Perhaps because I was so concentrated on working.

But I still suffered frequent backaches.

Pengfei often helped to massage my back.

By the time we began editing, I felt like I was dying.

I had been taking blood pressure medication for half a year

and there have been serious side effects.

I felt like I would stop breathing or pass out anytime.

Then I went to see a Chinese physician and got better.

So I stopped taking the western medicine.

Later, when we found this house, I told you that

I would die happy if I could live here for just one day.

I don't know. All my life...

I never felt like I needed to own a house.

I have always rented.

It's ironic.

I often tell people that I don't feel a sense of belonging.

But I've always had you by my side.

It's been more than twenty years, since 1991.

And we will continue to live together.

We bought this land and this house together.

As we were fixing up the house, I began to feel unwell again.

That's why I was so anxious to buy this house

and have it fixed up as soon as possible.

I felt that I may not live long enough to see it.

The first night after we moved in, I couldn't sleep at all.

Partly because of the unfamiliar environment.

But also because I felt this is my house, my home now.

I didn't feel like going anywhere else.

I began to turn down invitations that required me to travel far.

It's interesting.

It's as if I have found something special.

A wonderful gift from heaven

near the end of my life,

this beautiful valley that I can look at every day.

Something to savor and enjoy every day.

I feel that it is a sense of belonging.

And... you haven't said anything yet.

But let me continue...

Recently, I began to feel

while we were working on The Monk From Tang Dynasty

that my body can't seem to take it.

It isn't fatigue, but I'm not sure what the problem is.

I often feel out of breath.

My head and my scalp would feel numb

just like the way I felt when I first got ill.

I began to wonder if I would, all of a sudden

lose my mental functions and become demented

or even pass away suddenly.

I felt that it could come any time.

We've lost many people recently

like Li Lung-yu and Wang Jingwen

and my friend in Singapore...

and also Ya Jun.

Life could end suddenly like that

without any warning.

But I feel that I can sense it coming.

I believe when I leave one day

I will know exactly when, like those Buddhist monks.

But I wish it wouldn't be so soon

so that I can enjoy this life a little longer.

A life where I'm not doing anything.

So today...

as I was sitting here on my own

waiting for them to prepare the camera

I was wondering what our conversation would be about.

I haven't given much thought to it

except that it would be a conversation.

I felt like I wanted to tell you something.

That I may leave at any moment.

So...

If I were to fall ill suddenly,

I may not be able to tell you this anymore.

We have been with each other for more than twenty years.

We've faced so much... how should I put it?

It hasn't exactly been tumultuous.

The worst we've faced have turned out to be insignificant.

We have survived them all.

But I do have many wonderful memories.

Somehow they're all related to death.

Like when my grandma passed away, we were at...

We'd just gotten off a plane in Los Angeles.

We were there for a film festival.

Was it a festival? There were Taiwanese students helping out.

I think so. Probably UCLA students.

Yes, it was their film festival.

Do you remember which film we showed?

Was it Vive L'Amour or The River ?

Anyway, we got a call as soon as we landed

and I left immediately, leaving you in L.A.

That night, I received news of her death.

She was my closest kin, other than my grandfather.

We had to bury her within two or three days

because of the humidity in the tropics.

So I left the very next morning.

That night, I told you that I've always had you by my side.

You gave me a shoulder to cry on.

And when my father passed away...

That was actually earlier. Wasn't it?

He left in 1992?

Yes, he left earlier.

It was during Rebels of the Neon God.

You were at my place that day.

My sisters were there too. We lived in Jingmei then.

You were there to comfort me

through times like these.

And then there was Miao Tien.

I remember it clearly.