Clipped

Hello, there, little girl. You know, I'm about to close,

but for you, sweetheart, I'll make an exception, all right?

Last haircut of the day.

No, thank you. I'm here 'cause I'm selling cookies.

Yeah, I can't hear you, sweetheart. Sorry. Would you like...

That's weird. I thought elves loved cookies.

This is ridiculous. I only made 60 bucks today.

We should start pooling tips.

I'll second that. We all need to look out for each other.

All right, listen up. I want everyone to know

that you have to declare your tips as income.

I don't want the IRS coming after me for your dishonesty,

which I do not condone.

Well, they wouldn't come after you.

They'd come after us.

Oh. Do whatever the hell you want.

You know, Charmaine, you'd probably get a lot more tips

if you stopped insulting your customers.

I do not insult my customers. I love my customers.

Well, you do call them mcUglies.

Only the ugly ones.

I call the dumb ones "mcStupids."

Here's your cut, Joy. Thanks.

Lot of, uh, grope-y divorcees today,

so good day for me, good day for you.

Here you go, Joy.

Thank you. Mm-hmm.

Oh, Mo, it looks like a wallet-sized photo of you

accidentally got stuck in between the bills.

How'd that get in there?

You can keep it.

Here you go, Joy. Thanks.

Guys, this money's really gonna help our lady of angels.

Aw, I don't know why you feel the need

to give your hard-earned money to the catholic church.

If you want to donate

to someone who scares people out of having a sex life,

just, uh, give it to Ben.

I'm gonna say a little prayer for you.

Oh, no. Please don't. No, I'm doing it right now.

No, cut it out! I'll pray with you.

Amen. Okay, it's over then.

all right. Just closed out the register.

You dorks are making me rich.

Anyway...

Who's ready to party?

Huh? Mo?

I-I can't, Ben. It's laundry night.

You want to come with me?

Mo, for the last time, I'm not doing laundry with you.

That's just so gay, you know?

Buzzy, what are you doing tonight?

I'm going to a gay bar.

Can I come?

Sorry, Ben. Spinner night is Tuesday.

Come on, buzz. We can take the "T" together. Yeah.

Joy? I'm sorry, Ben.

Bart wants me to come home right after work.

Why? Well, it's what he wants.

What am I gonna do? Just not go home one day

and end my marriage and start a whole new life?

I mean, that would just be...

Nah.

See? When two people understand each other,

they don't have to say a word.

That's kind of beautiful. Mm-hmm.

Hey, I'm going home to change. See you tonight at 8:00?

All right, yeah. I'll pick you up.

What?

What was that?

You and Charmaine got a hot date?

You and the charmaniac gonna tear it up, are you?

We're taking a Spanish class together.

Oh. "Charmaniac"?

Yeah, charmaniac is a cool nickname.

Oh, you're gonna double down on "charmaniac."

I would have gone with embarrassment,

but I guess it's your money.

Yeah, whatever. Later.

I'll have a beer by myself.

That doesn't bother me. Never does.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Rita! Rita! What the hell are you doing?

I'm ordering champagne at the Ritz.

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm tossing cat turds into a dumpster in the alley.

Yeah, okay.

But the entrance to my business is, like, 20 feet away.

Oh, relax. I never miss.

I almost never miss.

Ugh. What are you doing?

Just having a beer.

Oh, by yourself?

No, I think some people are coming.

'Cause, I mean, if no one shows, you can come hang out over here.

My sisters are out playing bingo.

It's just me and lady. Who's lady?

The turd machine I live with.

So, uh, should I put pants on, or what?

Yeah. What the hell? I'll be right over.

Oh. I got it, Joy!

Oh, no, Lonnie, you don't have to pick up after me.

It's my job. I wouldn't ring up customers

and look at pictures of Mark Harmon on the Internet,

'cause that's your job.

Mo: Thanks, Jonah.

All right. Here we go, Joy.

Oh, thank you. You're welcome.

So, how you doing, Joy?

I'm good. Good.

Yeah. Good.

So, uh...

Listen, Joy.

Yeah, Mo?

Uh, I was just thinking, um, sometimes...

When, um...

I forgot what I was gonna say.

Sounded like you didn't have anything to say to begin with.

I had something to say, Lonnie. Didn't sound like it.

Sounded like you wanted to talk to Joy here,

but you didn't have anything to say

and you couldn't think of anything in the moment,

so you just froze.

That's not what happened, Lonnie.

Now it sounds like you're lying 'cause you're embarrassed.

This is what my aunt Bonnie would call

a real awkward moment.

I'm not embarrassed, Lonnie.

Did anyone see the sox game last night?

I did! That's a lie.

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

So, uh...

How was Spanish class last night?

It was fine.

Okay.

You be straight with me.

All right. What's "Spanish class" code for?

Oh. You know, I'm glad you asked.

"Spanish class."

Come on, Aje. It's me.

You don't have to be embarrassed.

You got a little thing for Charmaine.

For that Charmaine?

Yeah, she's got a sexy energy.

You can't tel me you haven't noticed.

You done, mcUgly.

How have I been so blind?

Ben: What? Yeah? What's, uh... Can I come in?

Yeah, come on in. Let me just, uh...

Let me grab that door behind you, if you don't mind.

Let me ask you a question, Ben.

You ever have a situation where you like someone,

and every time you try to talk to her,

you can't think of anything interesting to say? No.

Listen, Mo, I did a terrible thing.

What? What'd you do?

Never mind. Never mind. W-w-w-w-what were you gonna say?

I'm so frustrated.

When I see Joy, it's like my whole brain...

Oh, shut it, Mo! I banged Rita Doyle, all right?!

I did not see that coming. I know.

I know, right? I mean, me.

You know, I'm a business owner.

I'm a good-looking guy. I've got a great body.

You can't really tell sometimes 'cause of my size

and the way these vests make me look,

but they give me a waist. What you gonna do, you know?

Anyway, point is, I'm a catch.

I'm a catch, and I banged Rita Doyle.

But good.

But... bad.

It's okay, Ben.

Everybody's done a go-below at least once in their lives.

A what? A go-below.

It's when you sleep with someone below your sexual status.

I had one with my cous... With a girl named Paula

who lives in Falmouth in my aunt's house.

Right.

A go-below.

That's exactly what I did.

Damn it. Look, I only told you this

'cause you're my best friend, all right? It's not something

I want everyone in the shop to know about.

No, of course. It's what best friends do.

They're there for each other. Damn straight.

Now, what can I help you with, buddy?

Before I came in your office, I stopped by Joy's desk and...

Oh, Jesus. Get over yourself, Mo.

I banged Rita Doyle.

You know, the pope is coming to Philadelphia next week.

Joy, um...

I'm sorry. It's just not my thing anymore.

If you ever want to talk about it, you know where I work.

Well, thank you, but don't hold your breath.

I understand. Yeah.

Are you praying for me?

don't pray for me. Come on. Take it back.

Amen. Too late! No take-backs.