Close Enough

A serving wrench, just like in "Cable Guy".

Okay, okay. I'm going to say it.

Can I help you, my lords?

Does thou have a mug of ale for me and me mate?

Yeah, we like it.

We like it a lot. We like it a lot.

Oh. More Jim Carrey fans. Delightful.

We're going to do this every year

for the rest of our lives, dude!

My lords, welcome back.

Happy "Medieval Times-aversary".

Hey, real quick. Can I "ass" you a few questions?

Did you read my short story?

Yeah, loved how short it was.

Oh, do you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?

Eeeeeeeeh!

Eeeeeeeeh!

Down, down, down, the red knight is going down!

Come on, dude, Medieval-Times-aversary.

Uh, oh, uh, yeah, uh, down, down, down,

the red knight is going down, yep, cool.

Yeah! 15 years later, and we're still equally psyched.

Eeeeeeh!

Emily: Josh, Candice is dabbing! Remember that?

Josh! La, la, la, la, la, la, la

Ugh, Can't get a moment's peace.

Good morrow, kind sir!

W-where's thine armor?

My armor? What? Why would I need that?

Dude, it's our Medieval-Times-aversary.

Uh, listen, I can't go today.

A literary agent said that he'd read "Future Viking 3030,"

and I want to send it to him by the end of the day.

Come on, man!

We've gone every year on this day since high school.

I know, but I need to hand this in.

Besides, I was hoping you'd read it.

You always give me really good feedback like,

"I love it. It's awesome,"

and, "Is there a king of books? It should be you, my liege!"

I'm not going to read that giant thing

on our Medieval-Times-aversary, but I am willing to pregame

by watching a double feature of this and this.

You know, that movie doesn't really hold up.

How dare you!

Also, Medieval Times is not historically accurate.

They serve tomato bisque soup with focaccia dippers.

It's how knights ate!

Josh, I love "focach", but it's not from medieval times!

Thine dippers are delicious,

and I shall dip them by mine self!

Oh, ugh, ugh.

Don't even think about helping me.

It's pretty cool these shows end so early now, huh?

Want to help me trim Candice's fingernails?

They're so tiny.

Ugh. What?

We have, like, an extra 30 minutes to hang out.

This isn't just hanging out to me, Em.

This is serious.

Look at Weird Al judging us.

We need to go to a cabin in the woods

and write songs like we used to.

I'd love that!

My December opens up a bit during winter break, or in 2032,

Candice goes off to college.

No, I meant this weekend, like, now!

Uh, n -- now?

Now!

We're never going to write anything

while you're here being a mombie.

I'm not a mombie.

Emily, party in the hills!

You want to go?

Did you go poopy in your diapy?

In my defense, you did shit your pants at the party.

Pfft, and we haven't written a new song since.

Ugh, our Gotye parody is still relevant!

What are you doing?

How'd you do that so fast?

I'm 26.

Interested, seriously?

I have a busy weekend.

Ugh!

In honor of your Medieval-Times-aversary,

mugs of grog for ye and ye mate.

Me mate is not here.

Why not? What happened?

I should've seen the signs.

We've been drifting apart.

All he cares about is his book and...

In honor of your Medieval-Times-aversary,

mugs of grog for ye and ye mate.

Ugh, without Alex here,

this grog just tastes like horse pee.

He's onto us, Cletus! Switch to plan B!

Get your brownies, piping hot and authentic

to the time period!

Ugh.

Oh, hey.

You hungry, boy?

Man's best friend, unlike stupid Alex.

Who Alex?

Aah! Ugh!

Me dog and boy.

Dude, that's awesome!

Dude!

Dude!

Whoa, I cant believe you live in this van, so cool!

Me try to make it homey.

Me copied Dwell magazine.

Wow. Your owner must be pretty awesome.

Me owner opposite of awesome.

Me owner not awesome.

She once brilliant scientist,

but she play God, make human-animal hybrids!

She treated me like I was special

until she not like the way me act.

Woman: You think you're so smart, huh?

You think I can't clone another dog

that knows how to wear underpants?

Me only joy was watching Jim Carrey movies.

Me watched "The Mask" 300 times.

"Somebody stop me!"

It probably why I so well-adjusted.

Years pass.

I tried to improve, but nothing was good enough for her.

Your performance is an abomination!

I'll have to bury the project and bury you!

Me realize it time to go.

Me wants to be free, free to see the world,

free to make my own choices!

Been on run ever since.

Well, I'm glad you're safe now.

Me never be safe.

Do all dog boys feel this alone?

I think you're the only dog boy.

Oh, all righty then.

Ah, you really get me, Dog Boy.

Actually, me name Tory.

Yeah, I like Dog Boy.

How about DB? Nah, just Dog Boy.

Hmm, okay!

You got anything to rhyme with drifter

Ugh, I can't believe you brought your daughter.

Pearl is hanging out with Candice,

and Josh is hanging out with some dog, so let's do this!

Yes!

We are going to write so many songs!

And I am totally going to focus!

Mom Emily would answer that.

Musician Emily does not pick up.

Uh, okay, just this once.

Hi, sweetie!

Yeah, you can watch a movie with Pearl.

Wait. Did you say "Training Day"?

Hold up. You're going in and out.

Ugh.

Hey, man. I know our whole Medieval Times thing

is still really important to you.

No, it's fine.

I met the coolest guy there, the coolest.

You went without me? I did, and it was smoking!

I don't meant to bother you, but I'm looking for a lost dog.

Sorry. We haven't seen him.

Are you sure?

Nope, haven't seen him, uh, no dogs in the building!