Meet John Doe

Yeah, D.B.

Oh, just cleaning out the deadwood.

Okay.

Look, Mr. Connell, I just can't afford

to be without work right now, not even for a day.

I've got a mother and two kid sisters to--

More good luck telegrams.

Well, you know how it is.

I've just got to keep on working, see?

- Sorry, sister, I was sent down here to clean house.

I told you, I can't use your column anymore.

It's lavender and old lace.

- Sir? - Send those other people in.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I get $30.

I'll take $25, $20 if necessary.

I'll do anything you say.

It isn't the money.

We're after circulation.

What we need is fireworks,

people who can hit with sledgehammers, start arguments.

Oh, I can do that.

I know this town inside-out.

Oh, give me a chance, please.

All right, come in, come in, come in.

Cashier's got your check.

Who are these people?

Gibbs, Crawley, Cunningham, Giles

Hey you, sister.

Don't forget to get out your last column

before you pick up your check.

- You're a couple of sticks shy in your column, Ann.

- Big, rich slob like D.B. Norton buys a paper

and 40 heads are chopped off.

- Did you get it, too? - Yeah.

You too?

Oh, Joe.

Oh, I'm sorry darling.

Why don't we tear the building down?

Before you do, Ann,

perhaps you'd better finish this column.

Yeah, lavender and old lace.

Wait, Joe.

Wait.

He wants fireworks, huh?

Okay.

Here.

- Below is a letter which reached my desk this morning.

It's a commentary on what we

laughingly call a civilized world.

Dear Miss Mitchell, four years ago,

I was fired outta my job.

Since then, I haven't been able to get another one.

At first I was sore at the state administration

because it's on account of the slimy politics here

we have all this unemployment.

But in looking around,

it seems the whole world's going to pot.

So, in protest, I'm going to commit suicide

by jumping off the City Hall roof.

Signed, a disgusted American citizen, John Doe.

Editor's note, if you ask this column,

the wrong people are jumping off the roofs.

Hey, Ann, this is the old fak-a-roo, isn't it?

Nevermind that, Joe, go ahead.

And it's because of the slimy politics

that we have all this unemployment here.

There it is.

That's D.B. Norton's opening attack on the governor.

- Why, Jim, it's just a letter sent into a column.

No, no, I can smell it, that's Norton.

Good morning, gentlemen.

- Good morning, Governor. - Good morning, Governor.

You're here rather early.

- Governor, did you happen to see this in the New Bulletin?

Yes.

I had it served with my breakfast this morning.

Jim thinks it's D.B. Norton at work.

Of course it is.

Oh, come, Jim.

That little item?

D.B. Norton does things in a much bigger way.

- {Jim] This is his opening attack on you, Governor,

take my word for it.

What did he buy a paper for?

Why did he engage a high-pressure editor like Connell for?

He's in the oil business.

I tell you, Governor, he's after your scalp.

- All right, Jim, all right, don't burst a blood vessel.

I'll look into it.

Yes sir?

- Get me Spencer of the Daily Chronicle please.

Yes, yes, I saw it, Governor.

If you ask me, that's a phony letter.

Why, that gag has got whiskers on it.

Hmm?

Okay, I'll get the mayor

and maybe the Chamber of Commerce to go after them.

Get Mayor Lovett on the phone.

- Sorry, the mayor's busy on the other phone.

Yes, I know, Mrs. Brewster.

It's a terrible reflection on our city.

I've had a dozen calls already.

Spencer at the Chronicle.

- Hold him. - Just a minute.

Yes, Mrs. Brewster, I'm listening.

I insist that this John Doe man be found

and given a job at once.

Now, if something isn't done about it,

I'll call out the whole auxiliary.

and the junior auxiliary.

We'll hold a meeting and see that--

Yes, Spency?

Who?

The governor?

Well, what about me?

It's my building he's jumping off of,

and I'm up for reelection too.

What are you doing?

Get Connell at the Bulletin.

Why, he's liable to go right past my--

- Get me Connell. - What was that?

- What? - Out the window.

Something just flew by. - I didn't see anything.

- Well, don't stand there, you idiot, go and look.

Open the window.

Oh, why did he have to pick on my building?

Is there a crowd in the street?

No, sir.

- Then maybe he's caught on a ledge, look again.

I think it must've been a seagull.

A seagull?

What's a seagull doing around the City Hall?

That's a bad omen, isn't it?

- Oh, no sir, the seagull is a lovely bird.

- It's all right, Mrs. Brewster, it was just a seagull.

- Connell? - Nothing's happened yet.

No, I'm watching.

Don't worry, Mrs. Brewster.

Just leave it all to me.

Spencer, I'll call you back.

Hello, Connell?

This is--

What are you doing?

This is the mayor.

Yes, Mayor Lovett.

How many times are you gonna call me?

I've got everybody and his brother

and sister out looking for him.

Did you see the box I'm running?

An appeal to John Doe.

Think it over, John.

Life can be beautiful, says mayor.

If you need a job, apply to editor to this paper,

and so forth and so forth.

Okay, Mayor, I'll let you know as soon as I have something.

What?

Well, pull down the blinds.

Went up to Miss Mitchell's house, boss.

Boy, she's in a bad way. - Where is she?

Hey, do you know something?

She supports her mother and two kids.

What do you know about that?

- Did you find her? - No.

Her mother's awful worried about her.

When she left the house,

said she was going on a roaring drunk.

The girl, I mean.

- Go out and find her. - Sure.

Hey, but the biggest thing I didn't tell you.

Her old man's Doc Mitchell. - Hello?

- You know, the doc that saved my mother's life

and wouldn't take any money for it?

You remember that?

Okay, boss, I'll go and look for her.

- Holy smokes, Commissioner, you've had 24 hours.

Okay, Hawkshaw, grab a pencil, here it is again.

About five foot five, brown eyes, light chestnut hair,

and as fine a pair of legs as ever walked into this office.

Did you wanna see me?

- No, I've had the whole Army and Navy out searching for you

because that's a game we play here every day.

I remember distinctly being fired.

That's right.

But you have a piece of property

that still belongs to this newspaper

and I'd like to have it.

- What's that? - The letter.

What letter?

- The letter from John Doe. - Oh.

The whole town's in an uproar.

We've gotta find him and the letter's the only clue.

There is no letter.

We'll get a handwriting expert to--

What? - There is no letter.

Say that again.

There's no letter, I made it up.

- You made it up? - Mm-hmm.

You said you wanted fireworks.