Retrograde

Dylan, this is hot Alan. What happened to Marco?

Yeah, no, we broke up.

- Yeah... - Uh...

Sorry, Alan. What are you doing?

I thought you said you were down to play.

Into group sex.

That was wild.

Not as wild as you looking after a kid, though, Madhuri.

- Why do you even care? - It's complicated.

Who's Dylan?

- Go back to sleep. - No!

She's never let anyone put her to sleep except me or her mum.

How'd you do it?

Um... magic.

I think you're pretty magical.

Yeah, she is.

Mum's at four bars again.

Holler for our party tonight.

Don't you cunts go fuckin' up feminism.

Do ya hear me, Maddie?

You think Maddie's gonna wanna see Ramsay

in your Bonnie Tyler or my Diana Ross?

Um, Diana Ross, obvi.

Get a room.

How about a three-way with Diana Ross?

Ew!

Ahhh! Your costume!

Oh, my God, your feminism!

Babe, those eyes!

Oh, look at those gloves.

Oh, you mean this?

Ha-ha! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh!

What? Huh? What? Huh?

What? What? What?

Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh!

Calling Egypt.

Soz, Cleopatra now resides in Brisbane.

How are we this good?!

Bitch, we brown!

That's how we be so damn good!

What do you think Iz is gonna come as?

Hillary, Julia, or Jacinda?

Oh, yawn. Bring on the pants-suit.

Be an ally to our feminism party, not a mean girl.

Yeah, but mean girls dress better.

That's true. You're so fetch.

Let's drink, Regina!

Oh, busted!

Oh!

I am not above the comfort of the silver pillow.

Mmm.

Oh.

What? What is it?

I applied for this award thingy before Travel Bug was swatted.

Oh, and did you... come first?

Mm-hm, I always do, darling.

"Dear Madhuri Mishra."

"Congratulations, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."

"We have some good news in these uncertain times."

"You have been awarded the Emerging Female Leader"

"in the Asia-Pacific Tourism Awards!"

- Ahhh! - Ahh!

- Holy tourism! - Yes!

Suck on that, COVID!

See, something good can emerge from you after all.

I have to tell Rob. I'm gonna invite him in.

- He's at his ex's. - Great!

Invite my favourite non-Crazy Rich Asian.

Rob is not not crazy, OK?

He just puts the "norm" into "normcore".

You bang normies all the time.

Yeah, but in really filthy ways.

Rob can be filthy, you know.

He does this thing with his fingers...

Ahh, no, no, no! Frank Ocean, Frank Ocean!

Uhh, no, no, no, no, no!

Hold up your fingers right now where I can see them!

You're dressed as a Disney princess.

Not cool.

Yeah, Maya's Greta Thunberg outfit didn't fit me.

The eyes of all future generations are upon you!

Ugh, I think your accent just stopped climate change.

Can I just say, I effing love Janet?

Oh, you effing do?

I was Janet Jackson in my high school rock eisteddfod.

Did all the moves from Rhythm Nation.

Aww, high school Rob.

And they made YOU Janet because...?

Because I wiped the floor

with the other dancers.

Oh! Oh!

Come on!

Crouching IT tiger, hidden diva!

What?!

- Come on, Rob. - Hey, babe?

Can you blow off co-parenting to come to the bar tonight?

I'd love to, but my meeples must defeat all.

We're playing Carcassonne!

Oh, and welcome back, Norm.

Hey, guess what?

You've developed a love of Settlers of Catan,

and when I get back, we're trading sheep, wood and bricks

all night long?

No, nerd. I won an award!

That's awesome! What for?

Being an emerging female leader in all of tourism!

I think I even get a trophy.

Oh, we can put it next to my trophy

for being a young Asian entrepreneur.

LOL.

Yeah, but you guys party hard tonight.

And when I get home tomorrow,

I'm gonna rock eisteddfod you so hard.

Oh, hot priest, hot priest!

So, you're still getting the award even though the company's collapsed?

Yes!

Yas, Queen.

Tina!

Uh...

- Oh, Ram, babe, you're on mute! - Hey!

Oh, Tina! Tina, turn around!

Your mic's off!

Maybe she's doing a literal interpretation of Private Dancer?

Is that his old wrestling belt?

Oh, wow.

I'm sure she sounds great, but we can't hear her.

Um, so, Emerging Asian Leader?

Uh, Emerging FEMALE Leader, thank you very much.

- Right. - Over in the Boys Club, we have...

..oh, my God, it's just the plain old Leader Award.

Yeah, let's analyse the words another time, because tonight...

We uphold the patriarchy whilst dressed in feminist costumes?

No, we celebrate Maddie for being a motherfucking leader!

Uh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I would like to thank my femaleness, I would like to thank my leaderness.

OK, someone, quick, please.

Someone get her an emerging female speechwriter.

Hey!

Whoo!

Ooh.

- Fuck's sake! - Hi, Tina!

Welcome back from the Thunderdome.

Were y'all just applauding Ms Award Winner then?

Yeah.

Oh, well.

I gift thee my ring of ear...

Ooh.

..and my hair of wig.

- That's a big deal. - Wow.

Oh!

Tina is vacay-ing the building!

Gotta untuck my Nutbush.

Yay!

Uh, guys, um...

..Fuckface served our divorce papers today.

Oh, fuckity Fuckface.

Oh, shit!

- No, it's... it's a good thing. - How?

What, he's leaving you all his money and a tip?

Oh, no, no, no, that dickhead never liked tipping.

No, the problem was that he kept putting his tip into other people.

Ugh, there is nothing worse than getting a stingy tip up you.

No, he's... he's really going after me.

Ugh.

And how is that a good thing?

Well, as I was cleaning out Mum and Dad's cutlery drawer,

I had a lockdown revelation.

That kitchen scissors belong in the third drawer?

I totally agree, but no.

I am a monster of a lawyer.

I am, like... I'm so crazy good at my job

that they're gonna have to check

the dental records of Marco's bank account

when I'm done with him.

I just saw a very evil glint in your eyes.

Yeah, yeah, I saw it, too.

That's BTS of Making a Murderer.

Is it weird that she's a killer dressed as a judge?

An associate justice.

I am Ruth Bader GINS-berg after all.

Hola, sisterhood!

Oh, Rams... Wait. What are you dressed as now?

Has Ramsay finally finished his feminist celebrity showcase?

Haters be hating, but you loved me

as Bodyguard Whitney and Lemonade Bey!

No. Wait, are you leaving me?

Yes! Soz.

But we haven't finished celebrating female leaders.

Again, "female leader" is problematic language.

Uh, alas, it is time for this diva to take her final bow.

Yeah, I think I gotta go, too.

What? No, Soph.

We have to riot! Pussy power!

Uh, yeah, I might get started on my divorce papers, then.

- Iz! - I'm sorry.

I've got a hankering to have Marco fully fucked by the morning.

- What? - Yeah.

She's gonna Erin Brockovich the shit out of Fuckface.

Oh.