Courier (Курьер)

IMAGE AND SOUND DIGITALLY RESTORED BY MOSFILM CINEMA CONCERN

MOSFILM

THE CREATIVE ASSOCIATION FOR COMEDY AND MUSICAL FILMS

The Gagarinsky district court of Moscow

presided over by People's Judge Zaitseva,

People's Assessors Gavrilov and Gusev,

with Ms. Golubeva as secretary,

having held a public hearing

of civil case No. 2-688/6

brought by Lidia Miroshnikova against Fyodor Miroshnikov

concerning the dissolution of their marriage, the court finds

that the parties have been married since August 23, 1967,

and have one child of the marriage, named Ivan, born in 1969.

The plaintiff seeks a divorce based on grounds that

the defendant loves another woman.

The defendant is present, and agrees with the claim.

- Do you have a handkerchief? - I don't.

- What did you say? - I said I don't have one.

- Here. - Thank you.

Very considerate of you. I don't need it.

Sonny, I'll drop by the shop, and wait for you at the bus stop.

We'll go to the Zoo and the Planetarium.

- Is that OK? - Sure, Mum.

Farewell.

Your mother is a saint women.

I'm really sorry, old boy, about this whole thing.

No worries, Dad.

I hope we'll still see a lot of each other.

Sure thing.

She's a classy girl, no question.

You really think so?

Let me introduce you.

Natasha, come here a moment!

This is my son Ivan.

- And this is Natasha. - Pleased to meet you,

- congratulations. - Thank you.

Fyodor-

- ...your dad speaks a lot about you. - True.

Not sure I want to know the details.

It's all good, old boy.

Look after him, he's got an ulcer.

Oh, Ivan, don't...

"Ivan" what? It's perfectly normal.

Mum made an herbal infusion for it. I could get you the recipe.

Thank you. That would be marvellous.

I have to go now.

- Alright then. - Goodbye.

Come visit us, Ivan.

- Do come visit. - By all means.

I went to visit them a few times

and took the recipe I promised.

But soon Father, a building engineer,

left for work in Africa.

Meanwhile I finished school,

and entered this so-called adult life.

COURIER

COURIER BASED ON A STORY BY KAREN SHAKHNAZAROV

FYODOR DUNAYEVSKY ANASTASIA NEMOLYAEVA

OLEG BASILASHVILI INNA CHURIKOVA

SVETLANA KRYUCHKOVA ALEKSANDR PANKRATOV-CHYORNYY

VLADIMIR MENSHOV ALEVTINA EVDOKIMOVA

YEVDOKIYA URUSOVA VLADIMIR SMIRNOV

Tell us, young man...

when was Kievan Rus baptized?

Kievan Rus?

Yes, Kievan Rus.

So you don't know this, either.

I have trouble remembering dates.

Not just dates.

Why did you decide to become a teacher?

My mother teaches history at a vocational school.

She suggested a teacher training university -

they always need boys.

I didn't want to argue.

We do need boys but we aren't desperate.

I understand. Sorry for wasting your time.

I just didn't want to argue.

Play your hand already.

- Six of clubs. - Whist.

- Me too. - You've won no tricks.

- I pass then. - You can't pass now, come on!

Fool, you're about to lose both.

- King and Queen are in. - He's discarded his spades.

Ivan, stop giving him clues. Mikhey, your turn.

- Hiya, Ivan! - Bazin, I want my three roubles back!

Look, Bazin, I need a job.

The greengrocer's won't employ me.

- Doesn't your father work there? - Yep.

As a loader.

Can he pull some strings, get me in?

- I'll ask. - Please do.

Why the greengrocer's? Didn't know you liked carrots.

It's close to home. Carrots, heh! I'll be drafted soon, anyway.

- Why did you lie to your dad? - Meaning?

Meaning...

"Congratulations, old boy, on entering university.

Frankly, I'm surprised.

You didn't show much aptitude for science at school.

So I'm impressed. Here's to your great discoveries, Dad."

I wanted to make him happy.

You would have, if you'd passed the entrance exams.

Can we stop discussing university already?

- Darwin got off to a bad start, too. - You are no Darwin.

He didn't hang around the streets all day.

Enough is enough. It's time you got a job, Darwin.

I'm working on it.

But it's tricky getting a job at the greengrocer's.

Bazin's offered help.

Bazin! That Bazin is an imbecile.

If you can't say anything nice...

Just listen to what Bazin writes.

"Bonded peasants met the news

of the Mongol invasion with indignance."

The work of a vocational student!

And how's that wrong?

Should they have delighted in Batu Khan's arrival?

You know perfectly well. You're just trying to spite me.

You do everything to spite me.

- Like your father. - What's he got to do with it?

You're just like him!

You take pleasure in torturing me.

Cold, heartless... A real sadist.

I'd leave you, too. You'd drive anyone up the wall.

Why are you talking to me this way?

You hate me, don't you?

Why do you hate me?

Stop crying. Stop it right now.

If you don't stop, I'll...

I'll burn this place down!

I found a job for you.

Deputy minister of something, I hope?

Almost.

A courier for Issues of Cognition , it's a journal.

Always dreamt of being an errand boy.

Consider yourself very lucky then.

Fill in the form and write an autobiography.

- Write it how? - Date and place of birth,

parents, education, etc.

Describe your life in brief.

- Can I sit here? - OK.

Finished? Let's see.

"I was born in the province of Languedoc in 1668.

My now-impoverished family

belongs to one of the finest and oldest dynasties in the kingdom.

My father, Count de...

de Brissac.

de Brissac...

fought in Holland under Monsieur Laval's command,

was speared during the siege of...

Mont... ferrat,

having been the first to hoist the royal standard on its walls.

The ancestral castle was my home,

where in the care of my darling mother Baroness de...

Monjou

I received a decent upbringing and a fine education.

Lately free of my parents, I aim

to serve my country on the battlefield,

and seek to enlist...

in His Majesty's Black Guards Regiment."

Rewrite it.

- It was just a joke. - I know.

Here.

Let me introduce

- our new courier, Ivan Miroshnikov. - Hello.

- Not bad at all. - Our lovely Zina.

"Lovely Zina" to some, Zinaida Pavlovna to others.

Stepan Makarov, editor-in-chief.

Afanasyevich is my patronymic.

My patronymic's Panteleymonovich.

You mean to say your father's name is Panteleymon?

- And what of it? - Oh, nothing, it's a great name.

I feel obliged to remind you, Zina,

that his responsibilities include

sorting and delivering of incoming correspondence,

and trips into town on assignment.

Whereas personal requests,

such as fetching cigarettes,

or going shopping for treats to enjoy with your tea...

...are not considered a courier's job.

Got it, old boy?

- What's so funny? - That's what my father calls me.

We are all fathers in a way.

Sure. But he left us a long time ago.

- I'm sorry. - For him or for us?

He'll fit in.

Ivan, here's your first assignment.

Go to Professor Kuznetsov's house

and deliver this article.

He's big in education.

- You might have seen this TV show... - "School Friends".

Exactly. He's been expecting it since morning.

Get going.

Stand clear of the closing doors, the next station is Oktyabrskaya

Hey, Bazin!

- Hiya. - Hi. You skipping school?

Got exempted from gym class.

So I'm off to ride on Lenin Hills.

- Where did you get the skateboard? - My aunt in Tallinn.

Come with me.

Can't, I'm working. Delivering this paper.