Are We Dead Yet?

As far back as I can remember, I have been into property.

The lads and I, that was our thing.

Not the buying and selling business, mind you.

More of a breaking and entering kind of thing.

Until one elaborate job sent us all to the bloody clink.

Two and a half years deep and let out on good behavior.

I kept my head down and learned a couple of lessons.

Mainly about how to be a better thief.

Gavin! Make sure the drink is Halal, brother.

Nonetheless, when I got out, I vowed to put it all behind me.

That was until I got reunited with these three.

- That accent. - Yeah.

You guys from the UK?

London, mate. Yeah.

Been there a couple of times. That's from Liverpool, right?

What? No. London, brah.

That's Gavin.

Couldn't organize a two-piece jigsaw, but he's handy behind the wheel.

Nice.

Guys! What do you reckon?

Alright, we do some shots and then we have some cocktails.

- Yeah? - Cocktails?

No-balls Barry. The quickest thief there is.

Yeah, man. I say we pull out the champagne.

- Come, boy. - Money in the bank. Money in the bank.

Know what I'm saying? We got the money in the bank. Where the girls at, man?

- I don't need a toilet bowl no more. - Damn right.

I'm wiping my ass with one-dollar bill.

- Look at me, brah! Oh, look at me. - Wiping my ass. That's the life!

We made at least 50 thousand a piece.

We're living it up now, guys. We're in the big time.

I say we pop a bottle of Dom Perignon tonight to celebrate.

- Am I right or am I right? Come on! - Right, brother!

And Alan. Ain't a safe he can't crack.

Oi and not forgetting the gold coin. We ain't flogged them yet.

Who knows how much money we're gonna get for that?

Listen, guys, listen. We're here to lay low.

She's right.

Okay, let's just chill for the night and tomorrow night, do whatever.

- Alright. Alright. Right. - I'm going to go get my own drink.

Alright, Mads. Okay, Mads.

Hi.

Hey, can I just have an orange juice, please?

Thank you.

But the one lesson we should have all learned whilst inside was:

quit whilst you're ahead.

But we didn't.

Hi.

Got an appointment with Tyrone.

So cold, I think it might snow.

Okay.

- Hi, babes. - You alright, darling?

Yeah.

Sorry I'm late.

Mads, you've been hanging around with us for way too long.

Speak for yourself. I'm never late.

Excuse me.

Do you want me to remind you the time your appointment was

and the time you actually decided to arrive to this salon? Or have you already forgotten?

Your appointment was 11 o'clock.

You decide to arrive 12 o'clock just to make my life more difficult.

Sorry, what were you saying?

Hey, you look like you about to head to Oxford street. What you buy this time?

Oh, hang on, babe. I've got to get this.

Hi, babe.

Listen, I'm just getting my weave done.

Yes, I said weave.

Listen, I've got to go, I've just sat in the chair.

Okay. bye. Bye.

What? White girls wear weaves.

How's it going, man? You alright, bruv? Yeah? Good.

Yes, boys. Hey, Dean, you alright? Sweet.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for love...

Ah, yes!

Bro, you are late, man.

Bruv, this is God's time and nothing happens before the time.

I'm on God's timing.

God's time? That's it?

- Has service even started? - No, it ain't started.

Bro, you know the church can't start without Kunle, B.

Kunle, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very, very aware that the devil will come to try to trick us.

All kinds of trickery he have up his sleeve.

Some of them look pleasing and appealing to us

but we must be very careful not to give in to temptation.

Can you imagine the devil is also on social media now?

He's there. He's there.

He wants us to act mean.

They are appeared as queens and princess.

But the reality, when you look at them, they look like dragon, mosquito and lizard.

When you see them, even your face will be injured.

One time, I seen...

Excuse me, why are you coming into this place late?

I've warned you last week and I've warned you the week before.

You are coming here, you are making noise.

If it is the roughhouse, the club house you are going to, you be on time.

We need to be able to learn

and be able to teach the younger generation coming behind us.

They are very, very stubborn.

Look at the way they are dressing for church, for crying out loud.

Look at this!

Is this a pajama party?

You should have just come naked, for crying out.

Because the thing you are covering, I don't know. Everybody look at these.

Your touchable breast. The way you are cover it, you make fool of yourself.

Look at Mommy next to you.

Mommy shall be worried for you because the way you dress,

that is the way God want people to be dressing.

In the eyes of God, you are just misbehaving.

Making me to confuse myself.

I'm losing concentration when I'm talking to you now.

You need to change. If this...

No way.

That's the phone. Look at that. That's exactly what I'm saying.

You can see now. You can see that's that is...

- ...give me give me... - Look at him. Look at him. - I've told you that before, man.

Yeah.

Listen, how's...

Oh, sorry, babe. I've got to get this.

It's cool, babes. Do you.

I'm gonna get my bits.

Hello.

Oh, is that you, Parksey?

Hey what's getting on, man?

Yeah, go on.

Yeah, I'm listening, bro. Come on.

Sounds interesting. What's in it for me?

What? A hundred bags a piece?

Okay.

When?

Well a woman can never have too many shoes, eh?

Okay. Alright, I'm in.

I said I'm in, didn't I?

Yeah, cool. Count me in. I'm down.

Ah, wicked. Wicked.

Nice to hear from you, bro. Speak to you soon. Alright, bye.

What? What did I do?

Hey! Told you I'd solve it.

There's no way I was going that place on my own.

Chicken shit.

What about a driver?

Well, I could drive Mr. Sand.

I mean... I mean, Bob.

Look, I'm well up for it.

- Have you even got a bloody license? - Exactly.

Well not yet, but I'm working on it.

Yo, is he answering you back?

- Are you answering me back? - Nah, no.

I wouldn't do that, Bob, yeah.

But how come he's always getting all the good jobs.?

Listen, I've been tasty with these since I was what, 13, 15?

There he goes again.

Alright, son, that's alright, you carry on.

I'll never forget this one prick.

He was in the projects with my mother.

Now I remember at that age, I stood up and I said, "Oi, monk!"

Now, he's turned around and before he could raise his hand to the height of his head,

I've gone... shhh, shhh, shhh... Knocked him off his feet, mate.

He's come off the ground and floated across the room like a fucking wizard, mate.

Clever all over the gaf.

And I remember thinking, "From this day on, I'll never be..."

Well, the way you are now.

Wanting and wishing to be someone like me.

Don't worry, son, we'll have a job for you.

I know.

I'll get Gavin to sort a motor route.

Gavin?

Gavin, Gavin? He's an idiot.

No, he's alright. He's harmless. Plus, he's a trier.

He just wants to move up a notch.

I mean, how hard can it be, anyway?

- I thought you said we was good? - Be quiet, man.

- I've already been here for ages. - Will you shut up?

- He's on it. - Yeah, but you said...

Oh, for fuck's sake. Will someone shut him up for a minute?

Torch.

Give him some light.

Ah, man I forgot them in the...

I'm sorry. I was rushing.

Will you lot hurry up? Come on.

Alright, yeah. This will do.

One, two, three.

Let's go.

Now, you lot know what to do in and out. We've got three minutes, yeah?

Gav's got the motor waiting for us.

Barry.

- That's two minutes for you, yeah? - Oh, piss off.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Hey, bro. Hey, what do you think here?

Oh, look at the size of it.

Where are you going to put it? Well, I'll find myself out.

Go, man.

I've always wanted one of these and it's still got the instructions, man.

We see 'em. You've wasted five minutes please.

- Hey, hey, hey, look. I've some of the goods. - Bag it up.

You lot, hurry up!

Relax, man. Gav's Gavin's sorted it. The alarm's been disabled.

Bollocks! You lot, come on.

Quick. Let's go! Let's go!

Guys, come on!