The Avalanche (Lavina)

Easy, pussycat! Everybody loves you! And now...

Pussycat, pussycat! OK...

Come on, fashion, fashion!

Turn to the left! Come on! Milan, Paris, New York, London!

Show me how strong you are!

You're an athlete! Colossus of Rhodes!

Yes! Flex it! Make it puff up!

You love your body! And your puffed up muscles!

Now the pussycat goes wild! It turns into a tiger! Tiger in the jungle!

Come on, tiger! Give it to me! Come on! 1, 2, 3!

Pussycat, you're a tiger! Come on!

That's it! Scratch! Rip it!

Holy shit...

You'd eat it! You devour it!

Let me see you dance! That's it! Dance! Oooh, yeah!

Eros! Wild Eros!

- Yes, yes, Dionysian festivities! - They've plugged up the hole...

Now what?

I know what to do...

Now be a wild gazelle in savannah that's running wild and free...

Free and unrestrained. A lion is chasing you. After you.

Come on...

Yes, little gazelle!

Excellent!

It'll catch your ass! You lost a bit of color here...

Faggots in my house!

You're crazy, tiger! You're ripping it apart!

Now make love to the camera! Yes. Make love to it.

Let me see you make love to it. Yes, that's it...

I'll kill 'em! By God... I'll kill them all!

You wanna do it in my house, huh?

Listen, I'll kill you like rabbits!

- My grandpa was a Partisan! - Get out!

Aha! You're afraid of this gun and these bullets, huh?

You beasts! Fucking faggots!

Call me 092 563379

AVALANCHE

Then he jumped over the balcony bare-assed and ran away.

- He owes me rent for three months. - Three?

Yes, please put it down.

I have. We'll let you know as soon as we find something out.

Don't let me know anything, just go with me and make a report,

so that you can see the mess they left. And look for the fingerprints.

Who knows what else is up there, God forbid.

- No need for that. - Look...

We'll let you know as soon as we find something out.

They've turned my studio into a gay nest.

What kind of a policeman are you...

- Hello, neighbor. - See what our police is turning into now!

Look at him! You should be ashamed of yours...

- Hello, neighbor. - Hello.

My neighbor, where are you off to?

- The court. - Is it today?

OK. And you, policeman, get shaved before you come over again!

The court declares person deceased

if they disappeared in a shipwreck, plane or any other crash,

fire, flood or avalanche,

earthquake or some other immediate mortal danger,

where no news about their life have been known

for six months after the danger was in effect.

The court finds, from provided documentation,

that more than six months have passed

and that Mr. Franjo Babic has disappeared and perished

under unfortunate circumstances in an avalanche in Swiss Alps.

The court accepts the claim of a marital spouse

and that all conditions have been met

to declare the missing spouse Franjo Babic dead.

I kindly ask the marital spouse to approach and sign the consent...

Where?

Lidija, please, give me a break!

You said, marital spouse. Please...

- You're Andjelina Babic? - I'm Angelina Babic.

And I'm Lidija Babic.

The first and the only Mrs. Babic and a true marital spouse.

It says here that the claim was made by the wife of the deceased Franjo Babic.

- That's me. - Of course.

So that she could get everything and throw me out of my family home.

- Please... - What inheritance?

- You're trippin'! There's no will! - Please...

That's not a matter of this hearing.

But it's my house.

- I was born in it. - I've lived in it for 20 years, so?

I've been putting up with you for 20 years in it!

Ladies, order!

This is not an inheritance proceeding.

I'm just trying to establish who the wife of the deceased Franjo Babic is.

- Me! - Me!

Can any of the present parties confirm...

- Me! - Me!

You young lady, you're...

I'm Kiki Babic, daughter of Angelina Babic.

And I'm Lola Babic, daughter of Lidija Babic.

Aha... And which one of you is the daughter of the deceased Franjo...

- Me! - Me!

- Excuse me, Your Honor... - Yes?

Is this the inheritance proceeding for the late Franjo Babic?

And what are you to the deceased?

I'm Pero AKA Rocket.

The first neighbor of the deceased and the tenants' council president.

See, I brought all of this here...

It's about the garage the Babic's have seized violently and illegally.

And what do you want with our garage?

Please, leave the court room, this is not the inheritance proceeding...

- I've been collecting this for years... - You'll be summoned...

I wouldn't want to give it up...

Thank you.

For every nice word,

That you used say to me,

For each glance from you,

For each smile from you, thank you!

So little good things

Can be found in life,

And there can be sun one minute,

The next it goes behind the cloud.

And you gave to my heart

So much sunshine.

What can I do but tell you:

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Dad...

Goodbye...

Goodbye, dear Dad...

You've finished your last ski round.

And reached the finish line way too early.

May this snowball

under which you'll rest be light to you.

Look, since it's come to this... Better you than me.

You were nice while you lasted. Thanks.

Franjo!

- Jesus Christ... - Oh my...

- Franjo... - Come on, Mom...

- Let me die with him! - Don't be a drama queen!

Franjo!

For every nice word,

That you used say to me,

For each glance from you,

For each smile from you, thank you!

So little good things

Adam Ski School for Men

Take this small key and open the garage.

- Come on, Adam, open the garage... - Come on...

OK, just a second...

Now what?

- So... the garage doesn't have a lock. - What do you mean?

It doesn't. Look.

- They've replaced the door? - You're asking me about your door?

I guess they did. I bet you saw the door before and now.

- OK. Let's go get a bite... - No, no!

- I have a right to a last meal, right? - You've just had it.

You've wolfed down half a box of chocolates we bought for them...

You want to say I'm fat?

Not that much. I'm telling you because of cholesterol.

To me you're handsome, what can I tell you.

But I'm fat, right?

Fat or thin... Come on, let's go already!

I can't.

- Why can't you? - I need to take a piss.

- Then go and do it! - Where?

Are you blind? Go behind the tree.

- How can I do it behind the tree? - Why are you being so nervous? Come on!

- Like some girl... - If someone sees me...

What do you care? Who would watch you?

Our country is falling to pieces, there are 400.000 unemployed

and somebody would watch Franjo piss... You're not that Franjo!

Remove the protective cap and put it on the holder.

Hold the stick by the cap which is not on the holder

and put the absorbing tip directly under the flow of urine

for ten seconds, until it becomes completely soaked.

What are you doing? Stop it right now!

I haven't even started.

You hillbilly, you want to take a piss here, huh?

Is that what they taught you at home?

You have no shame and no manners!

- Drive! - God, what an ugly cow!

If ugliness was illegal, she'd get hard labor!

Only a fool could marry someone like that!

Cut it out.

That's my wife.

My ex.

The first one.

Jesus Christ... What a beast!

I should have thrown something at him!

Just keep on practicing, honey.

My darling!

My heartache!

See how I suffer alone in this world?

Why did you leave me so fast?

I told you not to marry her!

What is it?

Jesus, didn't I tell you not to smoke in the house? You'll poison us all!

Jerks...

Lidija, I asked you a thousand times not to smoke inside!

I've got nothing against you poisoning yourself,

but you could be considerate to us, innocent passive smokers.

You weren't innocent even when you seduced my Franjo.

Innocent, yeah right! Like a tapestry.

- Where's the vaper we bought you? - I don't know where it is!

- Damn you and that vaper! - It's right there!

You could wear it around your neck if you're senile!

OK, honey, we're done for today. Here's a receipt for your Mom.

And give my best regard to your Dad.