A Hard Day's Night

Aah!

Hey, pardon me for askin', but who's that little old man?

- Uh, what little old man? - That little old man.

Oh, that one. That's my grandfather.

- Your grandfather? - Yeah.

- That's not your grandfather. - It is, you know.

But I've seen your grandfather. He lives in your house.

Oh, that's my other grandfather, but he's my grandfather as well.

How do you reckon that one out?

Well, everyone's entitled to two, aren't they? And this is my other one.

We know that, but what's he doin' here?

Well, my mother thought the trip would do him good.

- Hows that? - He's nursin' a broken heart.

Ah, poor old thing.

Hey, mister, are you nursin' a broken heart?

He's a nice old man, isn't he?

He's very clean.

- Hello, grandfather. - Hello.

He can talk then, can he?

Of course he can talk. He's a human being, isn't he?

If he's your grandfather, who knows?

- And we're lookin' after him, are we? - I look after meself.

Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

- He's got you worried then? - Him? He's a villain, a real mixer.

And he costs you a fortune in breach-of-promise cases.

- Get on. - No, straight up.

Aye, aye.

- Hello, Shake. - Hello, Shake.

You got on all right then?

No.

Oh? Well, we're here.

Norm will be along in a minute with the tickets.

Hey, who's the little old man?

It's Paul's grandfather.

- Oh, aye? But I thought- - No, that's his other one.

Oh, that's all right then.

Clean though, isn't he?

Oh, aye. He's very clean.

- Mornin', lads. - Hi, Norm. Good morning. - Good morning, Norm.

Thank God, you've all got here.

Look, I've had a marvelous idea.

Just for once, let's all try to behave like ordinary, respectable citizens.

Let's not cause any trouble, pull any strokes...

or do anything I'm gonna be sorry for.

Especially tomorrow in that television theater, becau -

Are you listening to me, Lennon?

You're a swine. Isn't he, George?

Yeah, a swine.

Thanks. Hey!

Who's that little old man?

- Well, who is he? - He belongs to Paul.

Oh, well. I'm going down for a cup of coffee.

- Anyone coming? - We'll follow you down.

I want me coffee.

You can come with Shake and me if you like.

Look after him. I don't want to find you've lost him.

Don't be cheeky.

I'll bind him to me with promises.

Very clean, isn't he?

Come out, granddad.

Make up your mind, will you?

Hello. Morning.

All right?

Whoa.

Do you mind if we have it open?

Yes, I do.

Yeah, but there are four of us, and we'd like it open.

That's if it's all the same to you, that is.

It isn't. I travel on this train regularly - twice a week.

- So I suppose I have some rights. - So have we.

And we'll have that thing off as well. Thank you.

But -

An elementary knowledge of the railway acts would tell you that I'm perfectly within my rights.

Yeah, but we want to hear it. There's more of us than you.

We're a community - majority vote, up the workers and all that stuff.

Then I suggest you take that damn thing into the corridor...

or some other part of the train - where you obviously belong.

Give us a kiss.

Look, mister, we paid for our seats too, you know.

I travel on this train regularly - twice a week.

Knock it off, Paul. You can't win with his sort.

After all, it's his train. Isn't it, mister?

Don't take that tone with me, young man.

I fought the war for your sort.

- I bet you're sorry you won. - I shall call the guard.

Ah, but what?

They don't take kindly to insults, you know.

Come on. Let's go have some coffee and leave the kennel to Lassie.

Hey, mister! Can we have our ball back?

Look, mister! Mister!

Can we have our ball back?

- Hey! - Please, mister!

- You want to watch it. - Well, it's not my fault.

- You stick to that story, son. - I can't help it.

- I'm just taller than you are. - They always say that.

Well, I've got me eye on ya.

I'm sorry, Norm. I can't help being taller than you.

Well, don't rub it in! I've a good mind to thump you, Shake.

If you're gonna have a barney, can I hold your coat?

- He started it. - I did not. You did.

What happened?

The old fella said that could he have these pictures, and Norm said no.

And all I said was, 'Well, why not be big about it?"

And?

Your grandfather painted out that Shake was always being taller than me just to spite me.

I knew it. He started it.

- I should've known. - You what?

You two have never had an argument in your life...

and, in two minutes flat, he's got you at it.

He's a king mixer.

He hates group unity, so he gets everyone at it.

I suggest you just give him the photos and have done with it.

Oh, all right, you old devil. Here you are.

Hey, Pauly, would you ever sign one of them for us?

Ah, come out, Shake.

- Hey, look at the talent. - Let's give 'em a pull.

- Should I? - Aye, but don't rush.

None of your five-bar gate jumps and over sort of stuff.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I don't know.

I thought it just sounded distinguished-like.

George Harrison, the scouse of distinction.

Excuse me, madame.

Excuse me, but these young men I'm sitting with...

wondered if two of us could come over and join you.

I'd ask you meself, only I'm shy.

I'm sorry, miss. You mustn't fraternize with me prisoners.

- Prisoners? - Convicts in transit.

- Typical old lags, the lot of them. - You what?

Get out, ladies! Get out while you can!

He's been gone a long time.

- Who? - Paul's grandfather.

I didn't notice. Where'd he go?

- Down the, uh - - Oh, down the, uh -

- Yeah, down the, uh - - Well, give him a couple of minutes then.

Hey, have you seen Paul's grandfather?

Of course. He's concealed about me person.

No. He must've slipped off somewhere.

- Have you lost him? - Now don't exaggerate.

- You've lost him! - Look.

Put it this way, Pauly - he's mislaid him.

Honest, you can't trust you with anything, Norm.

- If you've lost him, I'll cripple ya. - He can't have got far.

Come out. Let's look up the sharp end.

What's the matter with you then?

It's his grandfather.

I can tell he doesn't like me. It's 'cause I'm little.

You've got an inferiority complex, you have.

Yeah, I know. That's why I play the drums.

It's me active compensatory factor.

Goin' in then?

No, she'll only reject me in the end, and I'll be frustrated.

You never know. You may be lucky this time.

No, I know the psychological pattern. It plays havoc with me drum skins.

Excuse me. Have you seen that little old man we were with?

We've broken out! Ah, the blessed freedom of it all!

Have you got a nail file? These handcuffs are killing me.

I was framed! I'm innocent! I don't want to go!

Sorry for disturbing you, girls.

I bet you can't guess what I was in for.

Should we go in here?

No, it's probably a honeymoon couple...

or a company director or something.

Well, I don't care. I'm gonna broaden me outlook.

Congratulate me, boys. I'm engaged.

Oh, no, you're not. Not this time.

And to think me own grandson would've let them put me behind bars.

Don't dramatize. Let's face it, you're lucky to be here.

If they'd have had their own way, you would've been dropped off already.

You've got to admit you upset a lot of people.

At least I can keep my eye on you while you're stuck in here.

Shove up.

- Odds or evens? - Odds.