Zebra Girl

Dan.

Dan wake up.

Oh, Dan.

Stop it!

Thank you.

It's not what.

Should've locked the door.

Oh, geez.

Fuck!

Bastard!

Anita.

There you are.

Almost forgot what you look like.

Huggers?

That was rude.

- Smoke inside? - Of course not!

This your home?

- My husband's home. - Husband!

That real?

Yes.

Mother of fuck.

He's well off.

Or his family was.

He's a lecturer.

Adorable.

How long?

Three years, five years together.

No, I mean, how long you been out?

Five years.

Jumped right into it, didn't you?

Kids?

Adorable.

We like to do outdoorsy stuff, okay?

That sounds retarded.

Did you tell him about me?

- Of course! - Liar.

On our first date, I did.

What did he say?

- He was understanding. - Hmm.

And his name is Dan?

Yes!

Dan the man.

- Just Dan! - Just Dan, adorable.

Why are you being so aggressive, darling?

Darling?

- Why- - Because you never call.

The phone works both ways, darling.

Suppose you're right.

Tea?

With scotch in it.

Lovely.

Dan said it's a good one.

It's all the same once it's in your gut.

Now, now, darling, don't sulk.

I should've called, I'm very sorry,

but the important thing is that we are here now, isn't it?

Suppose.

Don't suppose.

Know.

Yeah, I know.

Good.

So, what is it, Catherine?

What's what?

Why did you call me?

Of course.

I caught Dan watching it again.

What's it?

Pook, por...

pornography.

The worst kind of pornography.

He promised me he'd stopped.

He went to counseling.

What good is working on your illegally

libidinous shortcomings if you're not making

a lifetime commitment to destroying them?

It was the middle of the night.

His office door was closed

and there was that glow under the door,

so I went to look through my peephole.

Peephole?

Mm hmm.

He was on his laptop.

And that means?

Dan, of course!

Door closed, laptop on, three in the morning.

But how do you-

Because I just know!

Well, go ahead, just judge away, Anita, judge away.

So what the fuck happened?

What do you mean what happened?

Do I have to spell it out for you?

I caught him watching it again,

and so I stabbed him in the side of the head.

What?

Right into the temporal lobe.

- Is he dead? - Yes!

I imagine he is.

What, you ain't sure?

Well, I mean, if he's not at the moment,

I can't imagine that he'll last much longer.

Where the bloody hell is he?

Upstairs, in the closet.

Like you.

No, not like me.

I'm not in the closet.

He is literally in the closet.

Fucking bambino Jesus Christo!

That's a dead man.

Appears so, doesn't it?

You gave him the death sentence.

Affirmative.

No, I mean, shit.

I mean.

What are you doing?

MJ, gotta do the MJ.

MJ gets my head right.

Would you like a cigarette?

Oh, yeah, that would be fun.

Dan.

Catherine.

Hi.

Sorry.

I'm really sorry I'm so late.

I just arrived myself.

I had this lecture, and it just ran over.

- I would've called- - No apologies necessary.

I absolutely understand.

When I was a student, my long-winded essays

most likely kept teachers late.

Meaning that I get it.

Well, I mean, you know, if your essays

were half as poetic as your emails,

I think that the teachers would delight in their overtime.

Do you bring all of your dates here?

All of my dates.

Ah, no, no.

I don't date very much.

Work is...

I work too much for casual dating,

so, you know, I'm new to all of this,

and, in fact, I have a confession.

What?

I've never been on an online date before.

What?

Nothing.

All right.

Well, I'm not one to interrogate a woman on a first date.

Okay.

I didn't tell you everything online,

but I was very honest in my profile

when I said that I'd never been on a, um.

Been on an online date.

No, not just an online date.

I've never been on a date.

You're kidding.

No.

You've never been on a date?

Never.

What a crime.

Thank you for the compliment.

It's okay.

But it is true.

This is my first time sitting across from a man.

- A man. - In any type

of romantic setting that might lead to romance,

you know, something, if you were to like me.

I need you to go to the store and get a bow saw.

A bow saw?

A pink one, if you can find it.

Hell.

We need to dismember him.

Shit.

Dismember and burn him.

Fuck.

Then hose the place down.

Speaking of, after you go to the bow saw store,

I need you to go to another store

and get some cleaning supplies.

Bin bags, bleach, sponges.

A bow saw at one store.

Cleaning supplies at the other.

To avoid suspicion.

Obviously.

Obviously.

You coming with?

I can't, I'm known in town.

Of course.

Of course.

But nobody knows me.

Correct.

Correct.

That's why you called me.

I'm your undercover scummer.

What have you been saying, Mother?

Catherine, my name is Dr. Charmaine Johnson,

and I'd like to ask you a few questions, all right?

By all means, Charmaine.

Do you know why you're here?

Do you blame your mother?

I blame her for ratting on Anita.