Eight Legged Freaks

Do you know fear?

Do you know what it's like to feel your heart beating so intensely...

...that you can't even breathe?

This is a story...

...of monsters. Creatures.

Hideous nightmares that crawl in the night.

I've seen them.

I've seen them in visions.

And you will too.

I know you're saying to yourself.

"What is this brother doing in this godforsaken place?"

The truth brought me out to the only place...

...where I can speak the truth and they can't get me.

That's right. Right here at KFRD, freedom radio.

The source for the inside dope on conspiracies, aliens...

...and up- To- The- Minute reports on when they'll invade.

It's morning here in Prosperity, Arizona...

...and it's time for America to wake up, people!

Wake up before it's too late! But no.

Of course you're still asleep.

You still think we landed on the moon...

...that Oswald killed Kennedy, and that a black man's vote in Florida counts!

Wake up!

Look to the skies. Look to the skies, my friends.

Unless you're driving. I don't want nobody suing.

Got enough government problems. Can barely pay for this damn trailer.

Keep talking, buddy. Say something that has caffeine in it.

It's a hard life spreading the truth. Never made Gandhi rich.

Never made Mother Teresa rich. L. Ron Hubbard?

Actually, he did pretty good for himself.

Interesting.

Joshua?

Joshua?

You're a big fella.

Joshua! You trying to scare me to death?

Hello, Mike.

The Lycosa narbonensis looks different today. It's bigger.

It's their diet. I made a discovery.

These have been in the pond for the past three days.

Crickets?

They're like...spider steroids.

I see dead people. I see dead people.

He loves that movie. I don't...

There they go! Look, look!

- He was hungry! - As they grow, their appetites do too.

I've never seen spiders this big. It's because of those crickets?

I'm gonna make a fortune.

Jumping spiders!

Yeah, Habronattus orbus.

Look, look how they kill.

I call this an arach- Attack.

- Get it? - Yeah. It's good.

Have the orb weavers come in?

T ook me forever to get that mating pair.

I had to bribe every customs agent from Santiago to Tucson. But here.

That is too cool.

See, the male orb weavers compete for the female's attention.

They all try to give her the best present. Like bugs...

...or, you know, rats or the occasional parrot.

Let me show you something.

You see, the prey is cocooned alive so she can eat them in her nest.

You know how women like breakfast in bed.

Look at it.

Look at this, look at her.

The female is three times as big as the male.

Say hello to Consuela.

She fills her prey with digestive acid...

...to liquefy it so she can drink it from inside out.

While it's alive.

Man...

...am I in trouble.

I have to go. I'll call you later, okay?

Next week, I bet they're twice as big as today.

Bye, Josh. See you next week!

Where did you go, little fella?

I see dead people! I see dead...!

Sorry, sonny. We aren't hiring.

You sure? I'm a pretty good engineer.

Do I look like a woman who isn't sure?

Yeah, well...

- I used to know my way around here. - We aren't hiring.

We're laying off. We're three months from a going- Out- Of- Business sale.

- Got the picture? - Yeah, I got the picture.

But my name's not Sonny.

It's Chris.

Chris?

Aunt Gladys.

Welcome home.

Bad dog! No!

- Pete, what are you doing out here? - Well, we got a...

No. Question is, what are you doing out here?

- You were supposed to stay home. - What did you find, Mom?

Some jerk tossed a barrel of chemicals off the road.

Looks like it's been out here a couple of weeks.

Who knows how much contamination it's caused.

The water is contaminated?

Pete, send a sample down to the EPA lab in Phoenix.

Let's see what they come up with.

- I have to tell Joshua! - That's where you were going?

I told you no more visits to that spider farm, didn't I?

- You're grounded. - But I have to tell Joshua about this.

I don't want you hanging out with him. Those spiders are dangerous.

They give you nightmares, and you keep me up all night.

You know what happens when I don't get enough sleep, right?

Bad mood?

Put your bike in the truck.

- Can you help him with his bike? - Yeah, okay, sure.

Hang on, Mike.

Party's over, gentlemen. Off the bikes.

Great, this is all I need.

She is the sexiest sheriff in the country.

I know, it's weird.

- You bought yourself a reckless, Bret. - Give them a break.

- Get in the truck, Ashley. - Mom!

Now.

- Give me your license. - Come on, sheriff.

- Anything you say can be used against... - Shut up!

You have a right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney...

Larry, do we know anybody at City Hall who might be able to take care of this?

Bret, isn't your stepfather the mayor?

Put my daughter in danger again, I'll show you how little that means to me.

We're cool, sheriff.

- Do you think G- String or underwear? - Definitely thong.

- You're kidding. Gonna pay for this? - No.

- Sweet. - That was really sweet.

- I heard that! - Whatever.

Bret, I can't believe my mom gave you a ticket. It was humiliating.

- I need the phone. - You don't. You have no friends.

I can't get any privacy around here, you know?

Hello?

My God.

Anybody know what's going on with the phone?

Come on, Joshua. Pick up!

- How much? - Lt don't make sense.

Wait. This is a town meeting, not the WWF.

Mayor?

Why can't those of us that want to sell, sell?

Viroanol wants all of our properties or none of them.

Let's face it, the town's going broke. They'll pay us to relocate.

How do we know this isn't another one of your get- Rich schemes...

...like building this ridiculous mall out here?

They scrapped plans to run a freeway here...

- Or that stupid ostrich farm of yours. - It's good meat. It's healthy.

Everybody here is having some financial problems.

I want to get out from under this. The rest of you should too.

This is a government cover- Up, isn't it?

- What are you talking about? - Why they giving so much money?

Just to get to the mines?

They want to put the empty mines to use. It's safe.

The only reason that we've kept this town going...

...is the hope the McCormack mines could turn their selves around...

...and put everybody back to work. It is not happening.

Old man McCormack, God rest his soul...

...he's dead.

- As dead as those mines. - Well, Mr. Mayor...

...before he died...

...he claimed he'd seen that vein.

Let's be honest, Leon. The man was hallucinating.

Those mines are filled with methane gas.

You're gonna load that gun with toxic waste?

- This is for landowners only. - I am a landowner, Wade.

Chris McCormack! I didn't know you were back.

My father said he'd found the Agua Mesa lode. I believe him.

He said a lot of things near the end.

I'm not selling the mine.

Chris! Wait up!

- You're being foolish. - Back off.

Your father was delusional.

Shut the hell up about my father. I'm warning you.

Since when did you care about the mines? You've been gone 10 years.

Wade...

Don't make the town suffer...

...because you feel guilty you weren't around when your father died.

I'm talking to you.

I warned you!

- What the hell are you doing? - That's it!

I'm pressing charges. I want him arrested.

Go home, Wade. Put some ice on your nose.

Curve around 20 feet away from the scene of a misdemeanor. Thank you.

Ten years and you have not changed a bit.

- Lay low for a couple days, all right? - Good to see you again, Sam.

Just like old times.

Everything will be sorted out in the morning.

- So you still like men. - What are you talking about?

Nothing. I just saw you staring at his butt when you handcuffed him.

Who said it's okay to talk to me like this?

He's pretty cute for an old- Fogy kind of guy.

He just needs a shave.

Okay, folks. Show's over. Move along.

Night, Sam.

Nothing to see here, folks.

You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

Honey, give it a rest. It's so late. It's almost midnight.

You told me to finish the job. I'm trying to actually finish the job.

Let's give Zekie his snack and go to sleep. Where is Zeke?

Well, he's just...

Don't tell me he went into the dry wall again.

I was meaning to get a grille. They don't have the right size...

You were gonna finish remodeling this place. Over a month ago.

I don't think you know what you're doing.