The Mighty Boosh

…to the world of the Mighty Boosh.

What about this?

Good.

-How about this? -Also good.

What about this to travel in?

Oh, magnifique.

The funky Inuit?

Very good.

-What about this cape? -A bit last week.

I'll put that in the maybe pile.

Vince, you ready?

Almost there, yeah. Narrowed it down to these two piles.

You are joking, aren't you? We're going to a cabin in the woods.

-So? -For one weekend.

Yeah, I suppose.

Let's try and narrow it down, okay?

Do you need this tie?

Yeah. The tie's a multipurpose accessory.

You know, belt, schoolboy, Rambo.

All right, what about this Jacobean ruff?

I've got a strong feeling the Tudor look's going to come back in while we're away.

I don't want to get left behind.

You'll be in the wilderness. Who's going to know?

What if someone's photographing animals, yeah, and I'm in the back of the shot?

The Internet's a powerful tool these days.

Vince, you've got to be more economical, like me.

You see what I've got going on here?

The multipurpose tweed utility suit. It's all I'm taking, it's all I need.

-What if you want to go swimming? -It zips down to trunks.

Well, it's easy for you, isn't it? You haven't got any style.

Do you mind?

I don't buffet about on the winds of fashion.

Fashion may come and go, Howard Moon remains where he is.

Clothes avalanche!

All right, that's it. One suitcase.

-Naboo, are you ready? -Nearly. What do you think, red or blue?

I don't care. We're supposed to have set off by now.

What is the matter with everyone? Did you get my itinerary?

Chill out, we're going on holiday. It's supposed to be relaxing.

I'm going to have to type out a new one.

-What about you, have you packed? -Yes, I have.

This is everything I need right here. I'm wearing it.

The multipurpose tweed utility suit.

What if you want to go swimming?

Happy? Now get ready!

Oh, I didn't need to see that.

-Okay, Bollo. You ready? -Yeah.

-Let's do it. -Okay.

Go on, Bollo.

-Use your monkey strength. -Come on, baby.

Get your primate arms out! Put your back into it!

Bit more. Bit more. Come on.

Yes!

-Yes! -Quickly, quickly!

Go.

Nice.

Can't you put your suit back on?

The zip broke.

I hate the wilderness. Can't we go to Euro Disney?

I'm not spending another summer in the Goofy Lodge, okay?

I've booked us a cabin deep in the woods.

-Great. -It's good for me, actually.

-Is it really? -I'm running low on supplies.

As a shaman, I can put it down as a business trip and claim it all back.

Nice.

Where you find out about this cabin?

A little advert in the Global Explorer.

A magazine I subscribe to.

-Global Explorer? -Very inspiring stuff.

I hate that magazine. It's a sepia nightmare.

I tried to read it once, it gave me a panic attack.

You heard of this?

-Cheekbone? -No.

It's the most up-to-date magazine around.

It's so cutting-edge, it goes out of date every three hours.

Really.

You can't get it in the shops. It's delivered by ninjas.

Yeah, well, the Global Explorer never goes out of date.

There's photographs in there that are eternally

relevant to our life and times, Vince.

One day I intend to be on the cover of that magazine.

What, with a tropical disease?

No. With one of my photographs.

What photographs?

I'm building up quite a portfolio, I'll have you know.

-What, are you a photographer now? -Yes, sir.

I thought you were a jazz poet.

I do many things that you don't know about.

I span the genres, Vince.

They call me the Genre Spanner.

They call you the Spanner.

Cheekbone.

Cheers.

Here's a poem from the moon.

Neil Armstrong walking on my face

Buzz Aldrin, he walking on my face

And then the third one, a spaceman

Walking on my face, all on the surfaces

And they looking at all the stuff

That the moon has got to offer.

Yeah.

Here we are. What do you think of that?

Is this the garage?

No, this is it, Vince.

Wow.

Check these out.

A true hunter's cabin, eh?

Ah.

Sorry, Bollo.

That was Chinquo.

He was my friend.

As children we played together in forest,

my father warn us, "No go too far

for there are hunter at edge of forest."

But Chinquo curious.

He always say,

"Bollo, please. Please let us go to edge of forest."

Over and over and over.

And so finally, one day, I chopped his head off.

Cup of tea, anyone?

Ah, yes.

This is more like it.

A roaring fire, cup of tea.

What more do you need, eh?

MTV?

We're getting away from all that, Vince. Getting away from the noise of the city.

Listen.

What can you hear?

Your cells dying.

Tranquility, Vince. The sound of nature.

-I'm bored. -Yeah, well I knew you would be.

Which is why, if you turn to page three of your itineraries,

you'll find that I've prepared a short introductory lecture on the wilderness,

just to get you into the spirit of things, okay?

I've got a bad feeling about this.

No kidding. Let's get out of here.

-Where you two going? -Shaman business.

-Can I come with you? -No, you've got to stay here with him.

You're joking. He's insane.

Look at him, he's all excited. You can't leave him.

Thanks a lot.

-Hey, guys. What's happening? -We're going to get some supplies.

It's ten o'clock at night. You're going to miss the lecture.

It's the best time, there's no one around.

Oh.

-Do you want anything? -No, I'm fine, thanks.

I'm getting some owl beaks, if you're interested.

Owl beaks? What for?

The thing is about owl beaks is they can restore a man's fire, if you get my drift.

-I'm fine, thanks. -Sure? A man of your age?

I said I'm fine.

I get you, Vince is in the room.

Just get out, will you, if you're going.

Right. Where were we?

Get you a couple, yeah?

Okay.

There you go.

-What's this for? -Take notes.

And then we can do a question and answer session in the interval.

-Interval? -Yes, sir.

-Are you out of your mind? -Simmer down.

Now, the life cycle of the frog.

The frog is an amphibian

and he lays eggs, they're called spawn,

which then become tadpoles… Dormant… Hibernation…

Now the brown bear, differing from the black bear,

will hibernate for up to three and a half months.

The brown bear, obviously, three months.

You can have a look at your notes on that one.

Interesting fact about those two bears,

the black bear sometimes can be brown and the brown bear can sometimes be…

Black.

Yes.

Well, well! Lookie here!

Keep back! I know Wing Chun.

-You only had one lesson. -Shut up.

Cool your jets. I'm Kodiak Jack. I own this cabin.

I'm just checking in to see how you're all settling in.

Kodiak, it's Howard Moon. We spoke on the phone this morning.

The what?

The telephone.

Oh, oh. The talkie stick.

Your voice was trapped in there this morning.

Yeah. Howard Moon.

-Hello. -Well, hello.

And hellooo.

What's your name, sugar dumpling?

-Vince. -Beautiful name.

Well, we were just doing a lecture on the wilderness here,

you're welcome to sort of stick around and join us.

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

What do you know about that, Mr. City Balls?

Well, I have read this rather large book on the wilderness.

Book?!

That's all you people know.

Let me tell you something,

this book ain't going to help you when a grizzly bear's on the loose.

It's all about experience.

Have you ever had a mountain goat grab you by the scrotum and run away with it?

Then sell it on eBay a day later, huh?