Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life

Please, Luke. Please, please, please.

How many cups have you had this morning?

None. Plus?

Five, but yours is better.

I got a kiss. And I shoplifted.

Honestly, Lorelai,

It's not your looks that keep them away. Think about that.

People die, we pay. People crash cars, we pay.

People lose a foot, we pay.

Well, at least you have your new slogan.

Did you do something slutty? I'm not that happy.

People are particularly stupid today.

Copper boom! Norman Mailer, I'm pregnant!

Luke can waltz? Luke can waltz.

I just want you to know I'm in. I am all in.

It'd be like the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan,

but at least those guys got to be in France.

I am not going to Harvard.

I had sex, but I'm not going to Harvard!

You were still a child. I stopped

Being a child the minute the strip turned pink.

You jump, I jump, Jack.

Eternal damnation is what I'm risking for my rock and roll.

Oy with the poodles already.

Because I love you, you idiot.

I smell snow.

-Hey! -

That's how you look when you get off a plane?

That's how you say hello?

You've been stuffed in a glorified tin can

for the last seven hours surrounded by people

with consumption, diphtheria, scabies, hummus dip, rabid dogs,

drugged up children attacking your chair, and stealing your change.

What airline are you flying?

You should look drawn and blotchy.

You should be singing "I Dreamed a Dream" with a bad haircut

while selling yourself to a bunch of French dockworkers.

But instead, you look perfect.

Admit it. You've been gooped.

I have not been gooped.

You're doing yoga in the aisles wearing cashmere sweatpants

while your comfort dog watches Zoolander 2 on his watch.

I do blood clot prevention foot pumps

wearing my Yonah Schimmel Knishery baseball cap

while toothpaste dries up a zit on my chin.

Wow! Winded!

-Haven't done that for a while. -Felt good.

I've missed you, kid.

Missed you, too.

How long's it been?

Feels like years.

Coffee and tacos.

Princess Charlotte iced tea spoons.

Mmm!

All right, shalt we get it out of the way?

Might as well.

One day? That's ail?

I'm sorry!

You miss Christmas and Thanksgiving

and all I get is a one-day visit?

What am I, chopped liver?

I have to be on the red-eye to London tomorrow night.

-London again. -For work.

Oh, now, Emily.

Oh, wow! Nicely played. All right, you win.

So, we have limited time. Should we skip the town tour?

Now we can't skip the town tour.

Well, we'll keep it short

-Le Chat Club closed due to rats. -Again?

-We got parking meters. -Where?

Well, no one would pay so they took them out.

This town is mob ruled.

Al's Pancake World won best Christmas decorations again.

Well, it's that nativity scene with the eggplant Jesus.

-You can't beat it. -There's a debate going on

whether or not to take the phone booth out.

But where would Superman change

when he comes to save our town from Ben Affleck?

I made the same excellent point.

What's with the signs?

Ooh, I saved the best for last.

Taylor has decided that septic systems are beneath us

and he wants to go full-on sewer.

How can we do that?

Well, first, he's going door to door collecting

people's personal septic tank horror stories.

-Oh, Lord! -Then, he'll compile them,

And then he and a panel of hand-picked people will stage

septic testimonial re-enactments for the county assessor.

Are you just telling me this stuff to get me to stay longer?

-Is it working? -Kind of.

Hi, Miss Patty!

Rory! You look fabulous!

-She just got off a plane! -

Oh! That's my work phone.

It's not ringing.

I know.

-It's not ringing, either. -I know.

You've got more burners than Omar Little.

I got a personal phone, a work phone,

and the only phone that gets reception

in Stars Hollow. Theoretically.

Yes well, the fact that the entire town was actually constructed

in a giant snow globe probably has an effect on your bar count.

Ha!

Hello? Hello? Um… Damn! Hello?

You're breaking up.

Oh, come on.

Hello?

Hold on! Hello?

Crap! Hello?

Uh, can you hear me now? Can you hear me…

Yes! Hi! Great!

Um, so, how are you?

Hello?

I'm heading to the trees! I'm… I'm heading to the trees.

Okay, I'm at the trees. Hello? Hello?

I'm gonna try Doose's. You coming?

-Nah! I just hit my steps. -Okay.

Um, hello?

Are you still there? Okay, flip phone!

Hi! Sorry, it's Rory Gilmore again. I think Ingrid just…

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Crap!

Hello?

Oh, yes! Sure, she can.

Okay, on this number, please. Thank you.

Rory! Hey! I didn't know you were coming in today.

Oh, it's just a super quick in and out.

-Cabbage. -What? Oh.

Come again.

Um, so tell me, what is going on with you?

-Oh, you don't wanna know. -Uh-oh.

Yeah, Zach got a promotion.

My God! Why?

-I don't know. I think they like him. -Poor guy.

Yeah, he's a route supervisor now. Has to wear a tie.

I'm so sorry.

It's fairly devastating.

I tell him he looks like a young Leonard Cohen,

but he actually just looks like his dad.

- -Sorry.

-Yeah. -Hello?

Oh, Ingrid. Finally!

It's so good to finally connect.

Lorelai, I'm glad I ran into you.

Your house is that way, Kirk.

I did not get lost again.

I wanted you to be one of the first to know

that I've started a new business.

It's a ride share business.

I call it Ooo-ber.

Uh-oh. There's already an Uber, Kirk.

No, not Uber. Ooo-ber.

Three "Os" instead of a "U."

Okay, but it's, uh… Ooo-ber.

Right. But it's the… Ooo-ber.

It's a service where people can request

a ride and I will come and pick them up.

Like Uber.

Except it's Ooo-ber.

It's the same thing.

-No, it's not. -Kirk.

People use an app to call a car.

I have no app.

Then how do they get a car?

They call my mother, and then she calls me,

and I find a car and I pick them right up.

So it's a much worse version of Uber.

And it's pronounced Ooo-ber.

-Stop making that sound. -All right.

Well, you've got my mom's number.

Now if you'll excuse me…

It is past Petal's bedtime.

Bye, Petal.

When did Kirk get a pig?

Babette heard him and Lulu talking about having a baby,

so the whole town chipped in.

We figured it bought us a couple of years.

-Very smart. -Ready?

Hold on.

I'm not really home till I get my Stars Hollow Gazette.

Christmas edition.

Manger news, Santa's wishes,

eggnog checkpoints, and…

The Christmas poem.

Same one every year.

Every single year.

So good to be home.

What?

I smell snow.