45 Days to Be Rich

Order in my court.

Mr. Bowers, you're saying the reason why you were speeding

is because you were being chased by a ghost?

Yes, your honor.

Is there a witness to this ghost

that you're talking about?

Well, the cop that pulled me over

said he didn't see anything.

So I'm assuming that the sirens musta scared him off.

Thank you, Mr. Bowers.

You may have a seat.

Mr. Walker.

Your honor.

Oh God.

Your honor, according to the laws of physics and nature

the steep of my car pedal,

when one applies the Pythagorean Theorem,

the steep of my car pedal is at higher rate

than most other pedals in most other cars.

Therefore, when I put my foot upon it,

it's naturally going to speed up at a slightly higher rate

than most other cars.

Does your speedometer work?

Yes, your honor, but Galileo, in 1588,

didn't give a flying fuck about speedometers.

Thank you, Mr. Walker.

You may have a seat now.

The rest of you are guilty with no further explanation.

I've had enough for today.

I swear to God, people are getting dumber,

or more creative with their excuses nowadays.

There's a man who called you, several times, from Greece.

What did he say?

He said it's something regarding your daughter Lisa.

I think he left a text.

Search me flights to Detroit for the day after tomorrow.

Detroit? What's there?

My grandsons live there.

Wait, are you still going to the LA convention next week?

What happened last night?

I don't even remember.

Oh shit!

Shit!

Where's the TV?

Shit, someone stole the TV?

Oh, fuck!

Great.

Jake, I think we have a problem.

What?

There's a naked guy sleeping in our bathtub.

Just wake him up, ya dumbass.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Don't look at the penis.

Dude, wake up.

Come on, wake up.

Wait, what are you?

Fuck this shit.

Hey, Jake.

What do you want?

Nothing.

Did you wake him up yet?

I'm just gonna use the bathroom upstairs.

Hello?

Hey, Jakey, how are you?

Listen buddy, whatever you're selling, I ain't buying.

It's your grandpa, you knucklehead.

Oh shit!

Hey Grandpa.

Are you drunk?

No, no, no, no, no, I'm fine.

Listen, I'm on my way to your place.

Now?

You still live on Temple Street?

Yeah.

: Great, I'll be there in 10 minutes.

Shit.

Joe.

What?

Grandpa's gonna be here in 10 minutes.

Who?

Grandpa.

Grandpa's still alive?

Of course he's still alive, you idiot.

Now help me clean this place up.

What time is it?

Past 12.

Late for work again.

Fuck it.

They're gonna fire me anyway.

Well this is a work of art.

Is this my dick or yours?

Too big to be mine.

What about the TV?

What about it?

Well Grandpa might ask us about it when he gets here.

Grandpa hasn't visited us in five fucking years.

Do you think he cares whether or not we have a TV?

Who doesn't have a TV?

We don't have a fucking TV.

Now will you hurry up.

I mean, what's the big deal

if Grandpa knew we were partying last night.

Joe, sometimes your stupidity even surpasses my thoughts.

Thank you.

No.

Mom just died two days ago.

If Grandpa found out that we had a party,

he'd flip out.

I told you we should've rescheduled this party, Jake.

Hey, we planned this party like three weeks ago.

Mom's the one that should've rescheduled her death.

Is that even possible?

Joe, we don't have time for your stupid fucking questions.

Please help me get this place back together.

She left us when we were kids and moved to Greece.

She's like a stranger to us.

Still, we're her kids.

Now do you want Grandpa to start bitching about this?

No.

Then less talk, more cleaning.

Boys, how are ya doing?

We're good.

How are you?

Sorry about Mom, Grandpa.

Your mom

was a good woman, Jake.

I know she was.

I just wish I had a chance to get to know her more.

She actually wanted to take you with her,

but she couldn't.

After she lost the case against your dad in court,

she had no choice but to escape his unruly behavior.

Dad died two years ago.

Why didn't she just call?

Your mother was in a coma for five years

because of a car accident.

You'd have known if you'd have asked.

Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that.

I'm here to tell you boys

that your mother died a millionaire.

I'm sorry, Grandpa.

Jesus Christ, Jake!

How much money are we talking about?

Four million dollars.

Wait, where did Mom get all this money from?

After Lisa moved to Greece she married a rich businessman

who gave her everything before he died.

Oh, so, basically our mom was a gold digger?

So what you're telling us,

is that we're basically eligible to a cut of her heir?

Yes, but under one condition.

Your mom had a child in Greece

who she gave half of her net worth,

the other half to me.

Whoa, what about us?

Your mom had a will.

She made me promise to give you your share,

only if you'll agree to live with your brother for 45 days.

Why would she want that?

Lisa always had this dream

that all of her kids would come together

after your father died.

So are we going to Greece or is he coming here?

You're not going anywhere.

He's coming here to Detroit.

Now, I suggest that you start preparing a room

because he'll be here tonight.

Wow, Grandpa, thanks for last minute notice.

Where's your bathroom?

Second door on your left.

Hey, Ronny, what's up?

machine.

You know Jake, I'm sick of you being late all the time.

You always come up with these silly excuses

just to explain why your ass isn't here,

which it should be, operating the goddamn espresso machine.

Hey Ronny, how 'bout you shove that espresso machine

up your ass?

I bet it'll fit.

Did you say what?

You heard me, Ronny.

And one more thing, I quit.

Have a nice life.

Hey, boys.

Why is there a naked guy in your bathtub?

- That's. - Joe's boyfriend.

So anyway Grandpa, it was really, really good to see ya.

Thank you so much for stopping by, and I promise you,

we're gonna take real good care of our new brother.

Which reminds me though,

what time is he gonna be here?

About eight.

Are we picking him up?

Nope, he's got a driver.

Fantastic.

Now have a safe trip back to Hawaii.