Becoming Jane

"Boundaries of...

"propriety...

"vigorously assaulted...

"...propriety were..."

"The boundaries of propriety were vigorously assaulted.

"The boundaries of propriety were vigorously assaulted, as was only right,

"but not quite breached, as was also right.

"Nevertheless,

"she was not pleased."

-What is it? -Jane.

Oh.

Jane!

Oh, dear me.

That girl needs a husband.

And who's good enough? Nobody.

I blame you for that.

Being too much the model of perfection.

I've shared your bed for 32 years

and perfection is something I have not encountered.

Yet.

No. Stop it. Mr Austen, it's Sunday! Stop, no, it's...

The utmost of a woman's character is expressed in the duties of daughter,

sister and, eventually, wife and mother.

It is secured by soft attraction, virtuous love and quiet in the early morning.

lf a woman happens to have a particular superiority,

for example, a profound mind, it is best kept a profound secret.

Humour is liked more, but wit? No.

lt is the most treacherous talent of them all.

Now, George, old fellow, you know you have to stay.

-Jenny! -George, George.

Hurry along, Jane! We'll be late!

When Her Ladyship calls, we must obey.

Come along, Jane.

Lady Gresham, may I introduce my niece Comtesse De Feuillide

and Mr Fowle, Cassandra's fiance.

-Comtesse? Then you presume to be French? -By marriage.

Monsieur le Comte is notheee to pay his respects?

A prior engagement, ma'am,

Monsieur Ie Comtewas obliged to pay his eespectsto Madame Ie GuiIIotine.

Oh!

I see your nephew is with us again.

Mr Wisley.

Wisley is indispensable to my happiness.

Well, do sit down.

Mr Fowle and Cassandra are only recently engaged.

When shall you marry?

-Not for some time, Your Ladyship. -Why not?

I'm also engaged to go to the West Indies

with Lord Craven's expedition against the French, as chaplain.

-What has Craven offered you? -I've hopes of a parish on my return.

How much is it worth?

Enough to marry on, in a modest way.

Mr Wisley, did you know the Basingstoke assemblies resume?

Very soon, I believe.

-Jane does enjoy a ball. -Wisley can't abide them.

But, sir,

a ball is an indispensable blessing to the juvenile part of the neighbourhood.

Everything agreeable in the way oftalking and sitting down together

all managed with the utmost decorum.

An amiable man could not object.

Then I find I'm converted.

Displayed like a brood mare.

-Mr Wisley is a highly eligible young gentleman. -Oh, Mother!

-You know our situation, Jane. -Oh!

And he is Lady Gresham's favourite nephew and heir.

One day, he shall inherit this.

Excellent prospects!

-His small fortune will not buy me. -What will buy you, cousin?

More wary in the world, Mr Lefroy.

You can pay me for that later.

-Huzzah! Huzzah! Come on, Mr Lefroy.

Come on, man, hit him!

Lefroy!

Glass of wine with you, sir? -Madam.

-Displaying to advantage, I see, Lefroy. -Like the sword, Austen.

How long before you have to get back to the sticks?

A day.

So soon?

Doghouse, debts, but one must cut some sort of a figure even in the militia.

Especially when condemned to a parsonage, my friend.

Yes.

Still, who is this sour-faced little virgin?

Your pardon, ma'am.

Mr Tom Lefroy, may I present Mr John Warren?

Joining me in Hampshire, my father is preparing us both for holy orders.

I understand you've visited Hampshire, Mr Lefroy.

Last year.

-Long visit, was it? -Very long, Mr Warren. Almost three hours.

Mr Austen, you're devilishly handsome. A kiss, a kiss.

Oops!

So, Tom, where should we go? Vauxhall Gardens?

Been there.

Lefroy, there's a Tahitian Love Fest on at White's.

Seen it.

-Crockford's? -Crockford's? Done that.

Or did it do me?

Wh-wh-what is a Tahitian Love Fest?

Warren!

I humbly beg your pardon, sir.

Theft of one pig is a crime, heinous to be sure, but two pigs...

Two pigs is a violent assault on the very sanctity of private property itself.

Excuse me.

You and your kind are a canker on the body social.

And cankers are cut out.

Transportation for life. Next.

-Why are you here in London, sir? -To learn the law.

-Which has no other end but what? -The preservation ofthe rights of property.

-Against? -The mob.

Therefore, order is kept because we have...

-A standing army? -Good manners, sir, and prudence.

-Do you know that word? Prudence? -Yes.

Consider myself.

I was born rich, certainly, but I remain rich by virtue of exceptional conduct.

I have shown restraint.

Your mother, my sister, became poor because she did not...

She married my father because she loved him.

Yes, and that's why you have so many brothers and sisters back there in...

-Limerick. -Mmm.

If you hope, I say hope...

If you aspire to inherit my property,

you must prove yourself more worthy.

But what do we find? We find dissipation

wild enough to glut the imaginings of a Hottentot braggadocio.

Wild companions, gambling,

running around St James's like a neck-or-nothing young blood of the fancy.

-What kind of lawyer will that make? -Typical.

Humour?

Well, you're going to need that because I'm teaching you a lesson.

I'm sending you to stay with your other relations, the Lefroys.

-Uncle, they live in the country. -Deep in the country.

-Jane? -Mmm?

Can you?

Thank you.

I think you two quite the prettiest sisters in England.

Mr Fowle will be enchanted.

San Domingo is half a world away.

He'll forget me.

Impossible. Look at the memory you're giving him tonight.

Cassie.

His heart will stop at the very sight of you or he doesn't deserve to live.

And, yes, I'm aware of the contradiction embodied in that sentence.

Is it?

-Jane! -Henry!

You look wonderful.

Well, hello, John. It's very good to see you.

-Nice to see you. -Oh, John!

George!

Leave your brother alone.

Jane! Jane? Have you heard? My father's nephew is staying with us.

From London.

-He is a... -A brilliant young lawyer.

-Lucy, please. -With a reputation.

For lateness?

Hat off, George. Hat off, Father's ready.

-Thank you, John. -Please.

The family is always moving in great ways and small.

Firstly, the small. Henry is back from Oxford with his degree,

-Thank goodness. -Well done.

And our friend John, my new student. Then the great.

Cassandra, who is forsaking us for her brother Edward and his family at the coast

whilst Robert voyages to the West Indies with Lord Craven's expedition.

And then, together, they can embark on that most great and most serious journey of life.

Miss Austen, I understand you will be favouring us with a reading?

-Do, Jane. Do.

Oh, please, Miss Jane. Oh, yes, Jane, do.

Please, Jane.

"Advice from a young lady on the engagement of her beloved sister Cassandra

"to a Fowle."

"His addresses were offered in a manner violent enough to be flattering.

"The boundaries of propriety were vigorously assaulted, as was only right,

"but not quite breached, as was also right.

"Nevertheless, she was..."

And may I introduce my young nephew Mr Thomas Lefroy?

Oh.

And he's more than welcome. Join us, sir, join us.

Green velvet coat. Vastly fashionable.

You'll find this vastly amusing.

"His addresses were...

"The boundaries of propriety were vigorously assaulted,

"as was only right, but not quite breached, as was also right.

"Nevertheless, she was not pleased.

"Her taste was refined, her sentiments noble, her person lovely, her figure elegant."

Good God, there's writing on both sides of those pages.

Shh. Damn it, man.

"'It was only yesterday I repelled Lord Graham and his six million,

"'which would have lasted me almost a twelve month,

"'with economies...'

"'...a treasure

"'greater than all the jewels in India, an adoring heart."'

God!

"'And pray, madam, what am I to expect in return?'

"'Expect? Well, you may expect to have me pleased from time to time."'

Is this who I am?

"And a sweet, gentle, pleading, innocent,

"delicate, sympathetic, loyal, untutored, adoring female heart."

The end.

-Bravo, Jane. Well done, Jane.